Estranged and it feels so good

[Anonymous]

I always read this forum with interest-- especially the grandparent issues threads.

I used to find I got really fired up by various things: like when grandparents undermine the parents in front of the kids, or when they are controlling.

It all really got to me because I was constantly traumatized by my parents' terrible behavior.

I never thought I'd actually do it but this year I finally cut them out completely.

Today reading the thread about too many clothes i realized that if they were still in my life, I'd be overwhelmed with anxiety thinking about how my mother uses material things to bribe and control people. But instead I was reading it with passive interest, enjoying a poster's very good advice.

It just floored me. Getting rid of toxic people is like removing poison from the body.

Life has begun. I'm here to tell ya -- it's glorious.

[Anonymous]

seriously! I stopped contact with my mom about a year ago. I thought it would be really hard. ha! My life is so much happier.

[Anonymous]

I wonder how you will feel when it is your children judging and cutting you off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how you will feel when it is your children judging and cutting you off?

Lovely. I'm guessing that since I'm neither a sociopath or an alcoholic I might do a little better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how you will feel when it is your children judging and cutting you off?

Lovely. I'm guessing that since I'm neither a sociopath or an alcoholic I might do a little better.

Yet, you will be judged by your children just as you judge. Every parent fails their child in someway no matter how hard they try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how you will feel when it is your children judging and cutting you off?

Lovely. I'm guessing that since I'm neither a sociopath or an alcoholic I might do a little better.

Yet, you will be judged by your children just as you judge. Every parent fails their child in someway no matter how hard they try.

You have no right to come in here and judge the OP. You have no idea what her parents were like or what kind of harm they did to her.

PS - you do realize that you're judging OP, right? Isn't that what you're trying to tell her not to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how you will feel when it is your children judging and cutting you off?

NP here. There's always one of you who has no idea what it's like to have a toxic parent. And, who doesn't believe how painful and horrible it is.

Go F yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how you will feel when it is your children judging and cutting you off?

NP here. There's always one of you who has no idea what it's like to have a toxic parent. And, who doesn't believe how painful and horrible it is.

Go F yourself.

+1

[Anonymous]

If my DD grows up to hate me I will know it's my fault not hers. Letting go of toxic people is indeed freeing. My husband and I have been very honest with our child about the reasons and the circumstances of our estrangement from her grandparents. She has every right to expect to live her life filled with people who love her and not only themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how you will feel when it is your children judging and cutting you off?

NP here. There's always one of you who has no idea what it's like to have a toxic parent. And, who doesn't believe how painful and horrible it is.

Go F yourself.

+1

Either that or PP is the kind of person whose family members find her very hard to take. Maybe the idea of someone finally drawing the line hit too close to home.

Most decent, caring people know we'll maintain our relationships because we work to maintain them. Then there are those who think derision and shaming will keep people in line and are terrified that at some point, that won't be enough.

PP could be one of those people.

[Anonymous]

^^^wrong on all accounts. I have lived through and witnessed entire families destroyed because someone (my sibling) decided to cut of family members. It us possible to protect yourself without dragging everyone else into your drama and dysfunctional relationships--and this grand declarations do just that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^wrong on all accounts. I have lived through and witnessed entire families destroyed because someone (my sibling) decided to cut of family members. It us possible to protect yourself without dragging everyone else into your drama and dysfunctional relationships--and this grand declarations do just that.

With all completely undue respect for someone who's taking credit for maintaining family relationships that are not mine while presuming you could have / should have lived through mine:

Fuck you. Seriously. You can never tell another human being she should have to survive abuse. How dare you?

Btw we finally left when abuse started affecting my children. When they started manipulating and lying to them, making them cry to us in their confusion, we called it quits.

If you'd expose your child to emotional abuse and be proud of it, well then double fuck you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^wrong on all accounts. I have lived through and witnessed entire families destroyed because someone (my sibling) decided to cut of family members. It us possible to protect yourself without dragging everyone else into your drama and dysfunctional relationships--and this grand declarations do just that.

+1 NP and another person who has witnessed sibling estrangement and how it hurts everyone around them, in my own family. I've also noticed (with friends and family who have experienced this), that its rarely just one toxic person at play. If you ask people with at least a little bit of emotional distance from the situation, they see things a bit differently.

I have a toxic person in my life, and FWIW, I just minimize contact and do not make grand gestures. I stay cordial. This has allowed relationships besides mine to flourish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^wrong on all accounts. I have lived through and witnessed entire families destroyed because someone (my sibling) decided to cut of family members. It us possible to protect yourself without dragging everyone else into your drama and dysfunctional relationships--and this grand declarations do just that.

With all completely undue respect for someone who's taking credit for maintaining family relationships that are not mine while presuming you could have / should have lived through mine:

Fuck you. Seriously. You can never tell another human being she should have to survive abuse. How dare you?

Btw we finally left when abuse started affecting my children. When they started manipulating and lying to them, making them cry to us in their confusion, we called it quits.

If you'd expose your child to emotional abuse and be proud of it, well then double fuck you.

You sound more than a little "toxic" yourself--not to mentioned unhinged. It is pretty clear that you need to work on your own issues before casting aspersions at others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^wrong on all accounts. I have lived through and witnessed entire families destroyed because someone (my sibling) decided to cut of family members. It us possible to protect yourself without dragging everyone else into your drama and dysfunctional relationships--and this grand declarations do just that.

With all completely undue respect for someone who's taking credit for maintaining family relationships that are not mine while presuming you could have / should have lived through mine:

Fuck you. Seriously. You can never tell another human being she should have to survive abuse. How dare you?

Btw we finally left when abuse started affecting my children. When they started manipulating and lying to them, making them cry to us in their confusion, we called it quits.

If you'd expose your child to emotional abuse and be proud of it, well then double fuck you.

Amen