My 13 Year Old Son Came out as Gay

[Anonymous]

Any advice with dealing with it?

I'm a 40 YO Christian woman with a lovely husband and 3 sons. The youngest just came out last night and me/DH are struggling to accept that for his sake. Am I wrong that 13 is WAY too early to come to this conclusion?

[Anonymous]

I think 13 is too early to know.

[Anonymous]

Eh I know several gay and lesbian people who knew in middle school.

[Anonymous]

13 is not too early to know. Let him know that you will always love him and thank him for trusting you.

[Anonymous]

13 is not too early to have a pretty good idea that you are sexually interested in a particular gender. Think back to when you were thirteen. You knew whether you were attracted to girls or to boys.

13 is also old enough to remember well and remember clearly whether your parents accept you for who you are or condemn and reject you for who you are. Please show your child unconditional love, acceptance and support. His sexual orientation won't change because of your reaction. Only your relationship, for better or for worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13 is not too early to know. Let him know that you will always love him and thank him for trusting you.

This.

[Anonymous]

Lesbian here. Everyone I know knew by age 13. You must have a really good relationship that he came out to you. But, in the off chance that it's not a done deal, FWIW, one thing I really hated was when my family practically threw a party whenever I went out with a guy. The hope that I was somehow going to turn straight was evident in everything from the tone of their voices, the smiles on their faces, and the questions when I got home. If he was comfortable enough to tell you he's gay, then he will tell you if a relationship with a girl means anything.

[Anonymous]

Did you know at 13 you were straight? I certainly did. What's the difference?
Op, PFLAG would be a good resource for you.

[Anonymous]

I think that at 13 it's as likely as not that he's actually gay. I've known quite a few people that were older than that when they began identifying as gay - like, in long-term gay relationships, came out to parents, etc. - who then after a few years did an about-face and are now your average hetero moms and dads. Sexuality is weird!

[Anonymous]

Presume that he knows his mind and respond accordingly. Not sure what there is to respond to other than needling him inappropriately about whether he has a boyfriend instead of needling him inappropriately about having a girlfriend. All other rules and boudaries are the same - whatever no-closed-door, dating or other rules you had for him when you believed he was straight still would apply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:13 is not too early to know. Let him know that you will always love him and thank him for trusting you.

This.

Yes, this.

[Anonymous]

I think you should support your son. Who cares what your religion is? He is a human being that deserves love and support.

Also, thank your luck stars we live in a country and time where it is not a death sentence to be gay.

[Anonymous]

I've known since I was about 8 or 9 that I was interested in other girls. I didn't realize until I met someone at 19 that I was also attracted to men. Since then I've realized that I'm attracted to a mind, not a body, so gender doesn't play a role in who I am with.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he wants to try it out. Adolescents do that.

[Anonymous]

Just love your son, and let him know you accept him no matter what. Even if you, yourself, have doubts - tell him he's your son and you love and support him.