My 13 Year Old Son Came out as Gay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any advice with dealing with it?

I'm a 40 YO Christian woman with a lovely husband and 3 sons. The youngest just came out last night and me/DH are struggling to accept that for his sake. Am I wrong that 13 is WAY too early to come to this conclusion?

Didn't you know you liked boys at 13?

[Anonymous]

Love your son for who he is. If he feels like at 13 he is gay, he's still your son. It's now up to you how difficult you make it for him. He's opened up to you on how he feels. Support him and love him. Your relationship with your son is the #1 thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that at 13 it's as likely as not that he's actually gay. I've known quite a few people that were older than that when they began identifying as gay - like, in long-term gay relationships, came out to parents, etc. - who then after a few years did an about-face and are now your average hetero moms and dads. Sexuality is weird!

No, they're not. They're in hetero relationships. That doesn't make them hetero. That only makes them part of a hetero relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any advice with dealing with it?

I'm a 40 YO Christian woman with a lovely husband and 3 sons. The youngest just came out last night and me/DH are struggling to accept that for his sake. Am I wrong that 13 is WAY too early to come to this conclusion?

Yes, you are wrong.

If he had come to you last night and said, "Mom and Dad, there's this girl I kinda like", would you have said, "Son, 13 is WAY too early to come to the conclusion that you like girls"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any advice with dealing with it?

I'm a 40 YO Christian woman with a lovely husband and 3 sons. The youngest just came out last night and me/DH are struggling to accept that for his sake. Am I wrong that 13 is WAY too early to come to this conclusion?

20.37 again. I understand that some Christians (and people of other denominations) struggle with reconciling homosexuality and their faith. Perhaps you should think on these:

1 John 4:7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.

John 15:9-17 As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. These things I command you, so that you will love one another.

Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.

Isaiah 41:10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

John 16:33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.

Do you really believe that your God, who calls on you to love Him and every other person, would want you to turn from your son?

(copy/pasted from http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he wants to try it out. Adolescents do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any advice with dealing with it?

I'm a 40 YO Christian woman with a lovely husband and 3 sons. The youngest just came out last night and me/DH are struggling to accept that for his sake. Am I wrong that 13 is WAY too early to come to this conclusion?

20.37 again. I understand that some Christians (and people of other denominations) struggle with reconciling homosexuality and their faith. Perhaps you should think on these:

1 John 4:7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.

John 15:9-17 As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. These things I command you, so that you will love one another.

Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.

Isaiah 41:10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

John 16:33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.

Do you really believe that your God, who calls on you to love Him and every other person, would want you to turn from your son?

(copy/pasted from http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com)

thank you for posting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that at 13 it's as likely as not that he's actually gay. I've known quite a few people that were older than that when they began identifying as gay - like, in long-term gay relationships, came out to parents, etc. - who then after a few years did an about-face and are now your average hetero moms and dads. Sexuality is weird!

No, they're not. They're in hetero relationships. That doesn't make them hetero. That only makes them part of a hetero relationship.

As much as being in a gay relationship doesn't actually make them gay, and just makes them a part of a gay relationship, then I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any advice with dealing with it?

I'm a 40 YO Christian woman with a lovely husband and 3 sons. The youngest just came out last night and me/DH are struggling to accept that for his sake. Am I wrong that 13 is WAY too early to come to this conclusion?

Yes, you are wrong.

If he had come to you last night and said, "Mom and Dad, there's this girl I kinda like", would you have said, "Son, 13 is WAY too early to come to the conclusion that you like girls"?

Not PP, but I would not take "there's this girl I kinda like" at 13 as iron-clad proof of heterosexuality, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that at 13 it's as likely as not that he's actually gay. I've known quite a few people that were older than that when they began identifying as gay - like, in long-term gay relationships, came out to parents, etc. - who then after a few years did an about-face and are now your average hetero moms and dads. Sexuality is weird!

No, they're not. They're in hetero relationships. That doesn't make them hetero. That only makes them part of a hetero relationship.

So by this logic OP's son could just want to try a homosexual relationship but not actually be gay.

[Anonymous]

I'm the OP of the thread about my daughter not wanting to come out to us. She's 13. I don't find it difficult to believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that at 13 it's as likely as not that he's actually gay. I've known quite a few people that were older than that when they began identifying as gay - like, in long-term gay relationships, came out to parents, etc. - who then after a few years did an about-face and are now your average hetero moms and dads. Sexuality is weird!

No, they're not. They're in hetero relationships. That doesn't make them hetero. That only makes them part of a hetero relationship.

So by this logic OP's son could just want to try a homosexual relationship but not actually be gay.

Well, if he had inclinations towards boys and girls, then yes, he wouldn't be gay -- he would be bi. What he wouldn't be, though, is hetero/straight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that at 13 it's as likely as not that he's actually gay. I've known quite a few people that were older than that when they began identifying as gay - like, in long-term gay relationships, came out to parents, etc. - who then after a few years did an about-face and are now your average hetero moms and dads. Sexuality is weird!

No, they're not. They're in hetero relationships. That doesn't make them hetero. That only makes them part of a hetero relationship.

As much as being in a gay relationship doesn't actually make them gay, and just makes them a part of a gay relationship, then I agree.

I don't think I've ever met any straight people who were in same-gender relationships; have you? Whereas I have met plenty of non-straight people who were in different-gender relationships. If all you knew about them was that they were in different-gender relationships, you would assume that they were straight. But they're not.

[Anonymous]

You are lucky the had the self confidence to came out, i know people in their 30's that can't come out.

[Anonymous]

It took a lot of courage for your son to come out to you. Believe him.