My 13 Year Old Son Came out as Gay

[Anonymous]

My son knew he was gay at 8. He's 23 now and nothing has changed. I knew I was attracted to boys at 7 and I'm as sure about my heterosexuality now at 50 as I was then.

[Anonymous]

Everyone I know who is gay or lesbian knew around 5-7, even if they didn't know there was a word for it.

[Anonymous]

I don't know what type of church you attend, but if you're in a church community that condemns homosexuality, please consider finding a new church. It is possible to be both Christian and gay (many of my friends are), but if you are in a condemning community your child will be harmed spiritually, and yes, still be gay. There's no chance that staying in an unsupportive community will "change his mind".

[Anonymous]

Being gay is one aspect of a person but it certainly does not define who a person is.

Rather a person can be described in so many other ways:

father
friend
son / daughter
doctor / lawyer / plumber / electrician
guitar player
football fan
runner
foodie
volunteer
coach
skier
scuba diver
hunter
fisherman
seamstress
knitter
cyclist
traveler
author
theatre buff
creative
charismatic
dependable
gritty
stubborn
introverted / extroverted
reliable
optimist / pessimist
intelligent
bombastic
empathetic
caring
hot tempered

The list goes on and on. My advice would be to hug your son and tell him that you hope that he finds someone special to share his life with. If it turns out that other person is a man, then so be it. Then you should concentrate on making sure that you live up to that sentence. It is not your life it is theirs. Would you rather he live a life as a happy gay person or an unhappy person.

I am not gay and frankly the idea of anything physical with another man turns my stomach. Perhaps your son feels the same way about the opposite sex.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are a Christian woman with a lovely husband and three sons, one of whom is gay and has the courage to come out to you at age 13. His being gay doesn't reflect in any way upon your child-rearing other than that you and your husband must have instilled principles of strength, honesty and courage in your son. It sounds like it will take you some time. Please do contact PFLAG for support. Love him for who he is. --yours sincerely, a gay Christian woman and the mother of a heterosexual son.

[Anonymous]

I'll never understand the whole "well it might be a phase" or "can you really know at 13?" thoughts. I mean, I knew I was straight at a young age and no one questioned if it was a stage or not. It's the same for gay or lesbians. It's sad that people still question this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13 is not too early to know. Let him know that you will always love him and thank him for trusting you.

Yes but also add that YOU are new to this and while you love him and will always love him, you may not be perfect at times in handling it and hope that you can always openly communicate and be honest with one another. Because you WILL mess up a few times. You will have the glimmer of hope in your eyes he will not be gay sometimes and it is very hard for the parent and child. But he has to know that. Kids have to know that parents are not perfect either.

[Anonymous]

There are family therapists who specialize in exactly this - accepting and supporting a LGBT child.

[Anonymous]

Focus on that you love him no matter what.

But, my husband and I actually don't agree on this. He's of the mind set that you know, and know early. I say that I didn't find boys fun till I was a Junior in college, and if I have been kissed by a girl who knew what they were doing, I'm sure I could have switch teams. (of course my husband jokes back that a few of my early college beaus are playing for the other team now). Some people do switch teams. It doesn't have to be one and done for life. It's more important that they have partners that are supportive. There are both mean girls and boys. Make sure they know how to find good people.

I currently have an 8th grader who has no interest in girls (or boys). But, I think he know that we don't care if he likes boys or girls. (We've said it a few times, hope he was listening). But, my 5th grader saved valentines from a few girls!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know who is gay or lesbian knew around 5-7, even if they didn't know there was a word for it.

How is this even possible? I can't imagine a kid that age knowing anything about sexuality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Focus on that you love him no matter what.

But, my husband and I actually don't agree on this. He's of the mind set that you know, and know early. I say that I didn't find boys fun till I was a Junior in college, and if I have been kissed by a girl who knew what they were doing, I'm sure I could have switch teams. (of course my husband jokes back that a few of my early college beaus are playing for the other team now). Some people do switch teams. It doesn't have to be one and done for life. It's more important that they have partners that are supportive. There are both mean girls and boys. Make sure they know how to find good people.

I currently have an 8th grader who has no interest in girls (or boys). But, I think he know that we don't care if he likes boys or girls. (We've said it a few times, hope he was listening). But, my 5th grader saved valentines from a few girls!!

There isn't a girl in college these days that hasn't switched teams.

[Anonymous]

You don't really have a choice, OP. You can either deny it (to yourself and maybe to him) and risk him becoming depressed, distressed, victimized, and so on. Or you can love and support him. You don't need to make a big deal of it. But you do need to be careful and make sure that he feels worthy, valued and loved no matter what.

God has challenged you to have tolerance and to make those around you (including in your church) show tolerance.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's ok to worry about the difficulties your DS will face in our society, but don't let this worry make you try pressure him into realizing he's wrong. Be as supportive as possible, and if your DH is having difficulty being supportive, please try to get DH to be supportive. Your son is the same person he was before he came out, you just have another piece of information about him.

[Anonymous]

I understand the Christian beliefs regarding homosexuality. I think the bible is wrong on this one, just as demon possession was likely mental illness and the deaf and dumb were likely autistic. Trying to ungay people is a horrible and dangerous practice. If the bible is right about a loving God, there's no way he would condone it. People can't just will themselves straight, even if they want to more than anything. I see trying to cure gay as similar to smacking the knuckles of left-handed kids, except far more harmful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Focus on that you love him no matter what.

But, my husband and I actually don't agree on this. He's of the mind set that you know, and know early. I say that I didn't find boys fun till I was a Junior in college, and if I have been kissed by a girl who knew what they were doing, I'm sure I could have switch teams. (of course my husband jokes back that a few of my early college beaus are playing for the other team now). Some people do switch teams. It doesn't have to be one and done for life. It's more important that they have partners that are supportive. There are both mean girls and boys. Make sure they know how to find good people.

I currently have an 8th grader who has no interest in girls (or boys). But, I think he know that we don't care if he likes boys or girls. (We've said it a few times, hope he was listening). But, my 5th grader saved valentines from a few girls!!

There isn't a girl in college these days that hasn't switched teams.

You are so wrong.