Saying Sorry at Work

[Anonymous]

Is it unprofessional of me to not say sorry when I messed up? I accept full responsibility and take corrective actions when I make a mistake, but I just don't (can't or won't?) say "sorry" to apologize for it. Today for instance my team messed up big time (but not catastrophic) and almost negatively impacted a coworker's delivery (it would've if not for her incredible talent and experience). Postmortem I think I did everything a responsible person would do, but I felt my coworker was expecting a "sorry" which I never offered (I did say a quick sorry to her when "the wheels started coming off the wagon."), and I think she's still pissed by that. By not saying sorry, am I subconsciously refusing to accept all responsibility?

[Anonymous]

Why are you opposed to apologizing?

[Anonymous]

It depends on the context if it is unprofessional. But you sound like you have a problem - line when Fonzie couldn't say he was wrong! Tell us OP, what are your issues?

[Anonymous]

NP here. In my 30 year professional career, I can never remember hearing a man say sorry for a screw up. Plenty of women said sorry. Sad but true, and there you go.

[Anonymous]

I'm a man and I've said sorry at work, so...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. In my 30 year professional career, I can never remember hearing a man say sorry for a screw up. Plenty of women said sorry. Sad but true, and there you go.

My male boss, who has been in the workforce for more than 30 years, just apologized about something on Friday. He was wrong about something and he owned up to it. It wasn't an earth shattering action, it's what you do when you are wrong.

[Anonymous]

I'd rather have practical solutions than apologies. People get caught up in apologies too much. But if you can't make a sincere statement of regret or acceptance of responsibility AT ALL...that's different.

If you came in and said "Larla, my team has made a major boo boo with the deliverables and we really goofed. We are going to turn it around by close of business and get this fixed. We are determined to do right" that would be fine with me. Much better than "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. In my 30 year professional career, I can never remember hearing a man say sorry for a screw up. Plenty of women said sorry. Sad but true, and there you go.

I am a guy and I have said I am sorry plenty of times.

[Anonymous]

I always say sorry. A person not in my department said sorry to me once, which I appreciated but also sort of felt weird about, because she doesn't really answer to me. But I was glad that she recognized the importance of the issue at hand.

I don't think saying sorry is bad. We're all human and we're going to make errors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always say sorry. A person not in my department said sorry to me once, which I appreciated but also sort of felt weird about, because she doesn't really answer to me. But I was glad that she recognized the importance of the issue at hand.

I don't think saying sorry is bad. We're all human and we're going to make errors.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it unprofessional of me to not say sorry when I messed up? I accept full responsibility and take corrective actions when I make a mistake, but I just don't (can't or won't?) say "sorry" to apologize for it. Today for instance my team messed up big time (but not catastrophic) and almost negatively impacted a coworker's delivery (it would've if not for her incredible talent and experience). Postmortem I think I did everything a responsible person would do, but I felt my coworker was expecting a "sorry" which I never offered (I did say a quick sorry to her when "the wheels started coming off the wagon."), and I think she's still pissed by that. By not saying sorry, am I subconsciously refusing to accept all responsibility?

Saying sorry is a courtesy, not a requirement. Yes, you are owning up to your mistake and making amends work-wise, but you aren't extending your co-workers the appropriate courtesy in apologizing for your contribution to the mess that caused them a lot of extra work to remediate. Think of it this way, they'll understand that you do the work and act professional, but they may not like you or really care about you. This creates the atmosphere that when you need a favor, no one will volunteer to do it for you because no one feels they need to step up for you. Over my professional career, I have seen people like you and while they are respected for their work, no one feels the need to do nice things for them and they ultimately end up feeling like it's just a workplace and not a particularly good one. Conversely the people who do step up, do the courtesies, act polite on top of professional, end up liking their workplaces more and often get side benefits from people who are willing to bend over backwards to help them.

Continue as you are, but don't expect your coworkers to go out of their way for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. In my 30 year professional career, I can never remember hearing a man say sorry for a screw up. Plenty of women said sorry. Sad but true, and there you go.

I am a guy and I have said I am sorry plenty of times.

Ditto. And in a nearly 30 year career, that's many many times.

[Anonymous]

I respect people more when they say sorry.

An apology shouldn't be a substitute for correcting the error, but a person who is willing to admit they made a mistake or were wrong gains my respect.

[Anonymous]

I've watched supervisors/managers/directors screw up horribly and not one time did I ever hear "I'm sorry". Instead they continued to screw up and move up.

[Anonymous]

just wanted to note that I do own up and admit the mistakes. I don't try to hide behind or blame others or pretend I never make errors or am never wrong.

but after reading all the posts, I think I should say sorry to my coworker because since almost all of you think so, she was definitely expecting one and probably was even more pissed at me for not apologizing...