Saying Sorry at Work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it unprofessional of me to not say sorry when I messed up? I accept full responsibility and take corrective actions when I make a mistake, but I just don't (can't or won't?) say "sorry" to apologize for it. Today for instance my team messed up big time (but not catastrophic) and almost negatively impacted a coworker's delivery (it would've if not for her incredible talent and experience). Postmortem I think I did everything a responsible person would do, but I felt my coworker was expecting a "sorry" which I never offered (I did say a quick sorry to her when "the wheels started coming off the wagon."), and I think she's still pissed by that. By not saying sorry, am I subconsciously refusing to accept all responsibility?

Saying sorry is a courtesy, not a requirement. Yes, you are owning up to your mistake and making amends work-wise, but you aren't extending your co-workers the appropriate courtesy in apologizing for your contribution to the mess that caused them a lot of extra work to remediate. Think of it this way, they'll understand that you do the work and act professional, but they may not like you or really care about you. This creates the atmosphere that when you need a favor, no one will volunteer to do it for you because no one feels they need to step up for you. Over my professional career, I have seen people like you and while they are respected for their work, no one feels the need to do nice things for them and they ultimately end up feeling like it's just a workplace and not a particularly good one. Conversely the people who do step up, do the courtesies, act polite on top of professional, end up liking their workplaces more and often get side benefits from people who are willing to bend over backwards to help them.

Continue as you are, but don't expect your coworkers to go out of their way for you.

THIS ALL DAY LONG!

I agree with this. Work is all about relationships. You could be brilliant, but if you are difficult, people will not put out the extra effort to help you. Remember all that blah blah blah about people will remember how you made them "feel." It's true everywhere. Including work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman who will say the words "sorry" to a woman if I sense she is a good person. I try not to say them to men or to women who seem like they'll hold it against me.

I think this is why women tend to say "sorry" more and use phrases like "I just wanted to..." or "Maybe if we..." It's not that we're necessarily insecure, but we can often read other people better. I've written out emails before and then edited them to be more direct and bold. This is usually when I'm asserting myself in a manager role. I've also softened emails to sound friendlier and more casual. These usually go to administrative assistants or IT people or support staff. Sometimes I am very formal like if I am speaking to supervisors, and sometimes I am generally amicable like when I talk to colleagues. The bottom line is that it depends on the situation and then I adapt.

OP, you've identified that this coworker seemed miffed that she was thrown under a bus and was saved by her own skills and experience. You know you owe her an apology, yet for some weird reason you don't want to. If you can't adapt to this situation, then deal with the repercussions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh, too many people say sorry and then offer nothing concrete as a solution. Would much rather care about the solution. And I don't get personally offended about things at work, so I have no idea what a "sorry" would get me.

k

A concrete solution is required, but if your screw up cost me time and resources, I'd be pissed if you didn't acknowledge it and apologize. As noted by the pp, I wouldn't go out of my way to help you in the future. So there's that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:just wanted to note that I do own up and admit the mistakes. I don't try to hide behind or blame others or pretend I never make errors or am never wrong.

but after reading all the posts, I think I should say sorry to my coworker because since almost all of you think so, she was definitely expecting one and probably was even more pissed at me for not apologizing...

I think you're confusing two different type of "sorry"
there definitely is a current idea that women say I'm sorry way too much. But that really relates to saying it as a filler or a deference mechanism. "I'm sorry I didn't understand that last statement. Could you repeat yourself?" or "I'm so sorry to bother you, but do you have that brief that was due to me two weeks ago?"

Saying I'm sorry when you actually screwed up is almost always a kind, polite, and appropriate thing to do.

This, exactly. OP, if you were actually at fault for whatever happened, apologize. The other kind of sorry, as PP mentioned, avoid.