Did you mommy-track yourself?
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Anonymous
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I'm 41 and have 3 kids.
I took 5.5 years off when they were young. I went back to work when the youngest was 3 and I've now been back for 3 years. I was thrilled to get the job I did and I work telecommute 100%, working 9 to 3pm for $95K. I do pick up and drop off daily (all 3 are in elementary school) and I'm able to attend school events, etc. within reason. I now have 2 kids in travel sports so our life is a complex patchwork of carpools and the like. My husband works a "big" job---lots of stress, hours, some travel and he makes 3 times what I do. That all said, I ran into a coworker today (I was in the office for the day) and she just got another promotion. I bet she now makes twice what I do (educated guess only). She has my EXACT education and 10 years ago we were in the same spot professionally (albeit at different companies at that point). In the intervening years she never took time off (aside from 4 maternity leaves) and she also has been jumping at new opportunities in our company. She has 4 kids but a husband who works part time as a realtor. I don't know the exact specifics but I get the feeling that she's the breadwinner. All that to say, that for the first time in years I'm wondering if I did the right thing "mommy tracking" myself. In many ways i have ideal set up. However, I wonder what would happen if I ever got divorced (I don't see this happening but I'm definitely of the opinion that you can never be to sure). I save $22K/year into my 401k and i don't worry about my retirement security should a divorce occur but I do wonder about my ability to support myself in the intervening years. Or I guess more than that I just feel that even though I'm working I've set myself up to be dependent upon my husband for the rest of my life by not going full gusto after my career. Also, while my job is satisfying and intellectually stimulating by the nature of it's content, I'm pretty good at it by now. In many ways I've mastered it. I've been doing the SAME thing for 3 years. I was rusty when I started (I had been out for 5.5 years and even the routine of working felt new) but now it's hold hat. Can anyone relate? Thoughts? I'm not sure what the point of my post is. I guess I just wonder if I made the right decision. |
Anonymous
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I definitely mommy-tracked for awhile (PT, mostly telecommuting, mostly coasting for 6 years). I'm starting to ramp back up now with a new promotion, which feels really good, but I'm still only working 30 hours a week and not looking to change that any time soon. I felt really stagnant for awhile, and pretty down about my career, but the recent changes have made me feel that there actually likely are good opportunities for me down the road.
Even without the recent changes though, it's been the right decision for my family and I feel lucky to have been able to balance a rewarding career with a less-than-completely-stressful home life. Occasionally I run into a former classmate or whatever that makes me briefly question my path, but overall, I think I've made the right choices for the long run. Divorce isn't something I trouble myself with too much, but if you're making $95K for 30hrs/wk and would get decent child support, it doesn't sound like you'll be destitute. |
Anonymous
| Young children really do need the stability, competence and love of a parent. No question. |
Anonymous
| Yes and I never regret it. |
Anonymous
| I telework 100% of the time and can say I did probably mommy-track myself and I am OK with that. I have a good work-life balance and couldn't imagine a life where I had an hour plus commute each day, worked late and weekends. I like my life. All is good. |
Anonymous
I had working parents who didn't parent-track at all and it was never a problem. And now I am following in my mother's footsteps and I'm very happy professionally with live-in help at home. |
Anonymous
Yup. I have a good job, but I'm not willing to put in the extra effort to advance. Frankly, my sense of personal identity and self-worth never depended all that much on my career/income anyway. |
Anonymous
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Yes, and it's definitely been the right decision for this time in my life. My husband, like yours, has a tremendously demanding and high paying career. I am the default and many times solo parent. You have to remember that you didn't make the decision to mommy track based on your career alone and neither did your friend. She may not have taken the same track if she wasn't her family's breadwinner. At this point, I'm just proud of the fact that I've been able to keep my career going while also being able to pick my kids up from school each day and be involved in their day-to-day activities. Although I know I'll have the ability to ramp back up when it makes sense, I feel no pressure to do so in the short term. For me, this flexibility is a luxury that I am incredibly thankful for.
That said, I do have my moments, OP - it can be hard to watch coworkers and friends charge ahead. I just try to remember that we're all making trade offs to do what is best for our individual families. |
Anonymous
| Well, I can understand your feelings. I am in a similar situation myself. But I'm not sure what the point of wondering whether you made the right decision is. The decision was made and it is done. You can likely work your way up, find another job, and be on a more aggressive professional track than you are now. In most cases, it will take significant time to "catch up" to people who did not take time off, but life is not a competition. |
Anonymous
| I've daddy-tracked myself. It allows my DW to keep working. Our combined income is higher than if I'd had several promotions over many years. |
Anonymous
| OP your post is really entitled. You have ideal hours for kids, make $95k and work from home?? I can't imagine much better of a set up. Many of us would kill for even 2 out of 3 of those things. I get that sometimes the grass looks greener or we all think about the road not taken but honestly this is ridiculous. Be thankful and realize what a luxury it is to be in your situation. |
Anonymous
| No. Too risky. |
Anonymous
Yes, she must only think of her children at all times and never even reflect on what could have been professional fulfillment. 
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Anonymous
I don't see how it's entitled at all. She is musing, thinking of the road not taken and it's a very normal and common thing to do. It does no good to stay there for too long, but simply having these thoughts despite having a good situation currently doesn't make her entitled, it makes her human. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like her family did the same thing yours did, only in their case the husband stepped back. That's what equality really looks like. |