Did you mommy-track yourself?

[Anonymous]

I mommy-tracked myself-- and now I'm 40, single, childless, and infertile (due to genetics, not age). But also, I don't need to make much money to support just myself. So there's that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mommy-tracked myself-- and now I'm 40, single, childless, and infertile (due to genetics, not age). But also, I don't need to make much money to support just myself. So there's that.

Sorry, but doesn't mommy-tracking mean you have decided to step back at work to spend more time with your child?

[Anonymous]

Yes, I mommy tracked myself. I make a little more than you. I would probably be making about 30k more if I hadn't, but I would be spending that money on a nanny/sitter and before and after care. And I would probably be divorced.

[Anonymous]

No, my employer did it for me.

I'm on my fifth job since becoming someone's mother. Finally landed somewhere I could grow professionally and also parent about eight years ago.

[Anonymous]

I mommy tracked. I have pangs of regret because I'm really good at my job and know that if I was free to pursue my career 100 percent I would have really enjoyed the challenge of it. But I chose to become a parent and with that came the need to balance the competing demands of my family. I am certain that for me it was the best among a number of imperfect choices, but it is only natural to occasionally regret what might have been.

[Anonymous]

I guess so. I'm a lawyer who went fed when my kids were born. I earn 115k a year FT, 3 days of telework and a job I love-- and never work more than 49 hours a week. But I'm not as Biglaw high powered as a lot of people I went to law school with-- and certainly my job does not pay as much. But I don't ever regret it. In fact I feel lucky to get to do what I love and help people, earn a decent salary, and 3 days a week be completely done with work for the day by the time the ES bus arrives and be there for homework, after school activities, music lessons and everything else.

Then again, DH is also on a slower/less intense professional career path to do 50% of the parenting, and covers the 2 days that I am in the office. And oddly enough, people think that he walks on water because he does this for his kids. And as far as I know, no one asks him how he feels about daddy tracking.

[Anonymous]

Yes I did Mommy Track myself, although in reality I have a dream gig:

Telecommute most days
Make $100k *+
Lots of vacation time

I went this route because my husband travels a lot and eben when he's home he either has lots of flexibility or zeros. Our kids are wonderful and also complicated with lots of different needs (even now as middle schoolers). There was just no way to do it all and actually enjoy our lives. So I geared downward and will continue on this way for another five years when the kids graduate HS. If I can't break into a new position at that time I'll open a business or try something new.

The downside of my current situation is that I'm not growing much or really challenging myself. I'll take that trade-off for less stress.

[Anonymous]

I chose not to work internationally or within an think tank while my children are with me. I guess that's "mommy tracking" myself! I have had to rework my skills to fit my new situation. I held onto the idea of working abroad up until my divorce and the death of my parents. I felt my children need to be from somewhere and staying in DC allows them the stability of growing up with a consistent set of peers. Does the pocket itch where my passport used to sit? Yep. But, so it goes...

If middle school doesn't work out well for them, maybe I'll take a stint abroad then! (So I tell myself.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mommy-tracked myself-- and now I'm 40, single, childless, and infertile (due to genetics, not age). But also, I don't need to make much money to support just myself. So there's that.

Sorry, but doesn't mommy-tracking mean you have decided to step back at work to spend more time with your child?

NP here, but I turned down a very high-travel position (that was also a huge step up) while TTC. We ended up not getting pregnant in 6 months and then deciding to put it on the back burner/not sure if we want kids now. Thank God a new position/opportunity came open a year after I turned down the first one, but that is pretty rare and a function of having been at my company a long time with a great reputation.

It's not uncommon for women to mommy-track themselves in anticipation of children or to accommodate trying to have children. Lean In talks about it too. It is definitely risky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP your post is really entitled. You have ideal hours for kids, make $95k and work from home?? I can't imagine much better of a set up. Many of us would kill for even 2 out of 3 of those things. I get that sometimes the grass looks greener or we all think about the road not taken but honestly this is ridiculous. Be thankful and realize what a luxury it is to be in your situation.

+2
I work full-time, can not telework, took just 3 months off when each child was born and make $64k.

[Anonymous]

There are always tradeoffs. You can always decide to change.

[Anonymous]

I military wife tracked myself 10 years ago. I work for the same consulting company that allows me to telecommute from each station, but no shot at promotion. Then I mommy tracked myself. I make half of what my husband does, and less than anyone else in my department, even though I do more work.

It is what it is. I can't change it now.

[Anonymous]

I'm current off track (heh) and still at home after 4 years now. Looking to ease back in and what you have now is basically the only way I'd go back. I have a great education and was good at my job but meh, I just didn't care. Some people really do love what they do but for me it was an easy choice. I'll go back to make money and that's it.

[Anonymous]

I have mommy tracked myself by not pursuing director jobs that I probably would have gotten. But it hasn't hurt me much financially and there's more time with the kids. But I don't have nearly as much power/respect as I would in those jobs- I get over it by taking a mid-day break that I couldn't take in those jobs and shopping at target

[Anonymous]

Somewhat. I was offered a clinical faculty position at an Ivy League university while on my second maternity leave, and turned it down because I figured it would be too intense. Accepted a permanent Fed position about a year later, and SO happy I did. I have a lot of flexibility, two days/week telework, make just six figures, and get great performance reviews. It's still fairly high-profile and I feel confident I could ramp up if/when I wanted to. But I also like the trade-off that being a scientist Fed entails, and I'll own that.

FWIW, DH essentially family-tracked himself, too, when our first was a year old: also a Fed, tons of telework flexibility, etc. He does damn good work and I'm proud of him, but even more proud of the fact that he prioritizes our family life. We both like what we do, but we our family comes first. I feel enormously lucky that we have these options.