Regret having one child or no siblings?

[Anonymous]

I wanted to get some feedback from experienced folk. Did you regret not having a second child? Do you miss having a sibling?
We are in our late thirties, have a 3 year old and have to decide if we should have another. Both DH and I are fine with one, but want to get feedback on his behalf as he ages. We each have one sibling but they are both non-local. Both DH and I are introverts and don't miss our siblings much or interact with them a lot.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are both only children and decided to have 2 kids. Our families are so small and we do miss having siblings, especially as our parents age. It was the right decision for us!

[Anonymous]

Honestly speaking I am fine with one child and DS is happy having all my attention most of the time.

However during this extended school closure I really wish he had a sibling. That said I am sure there are parents with two kids who fought the all of snowzilla who wished they had one. Grass is always greener.

I have two siblings. One I could do without, but I do really enjoy spending time with my older brother. He visits often and is the best uncle

Just this morning I was talking with DS and realized he will never be an uncle. I told him that he can always be an "uncle" to his best friends kids.

All this said whether you have one kid or two what you can't deprive your child of is regular, outside of school interaction with other kids. So if it isn't siblings this means playdates which can be tough for introverts. DS loves playdates and we host them as often as we go to them. I find them exhausting. They do get better as the kids get old. Even at 7 I don't really need to do much other than feed them.

So will your child be fine as an only. Absolutely. Oddly many of DS's close friends are also onlys. Perhaps they gravitate towards each other.

[Anonymous]

only child who grew up with a huge extended family

I have two kids - but only b/c we're older parents. I didn't want to saddle one kid with aging parents! truth!

[Anonymous]

Had one, but definitely should have had more.

[Anonymous]

Only child, and my extended family is not close. On mom's side, they mostly call on birthdays. On dad's side, the only communication happens when someone dies. No, I don't really miss having siblings. Maybe if I had them, then lost them, I'd miss them. But having no such experience, I have no yearning for it. I've seen friends squabble with siblings about inheritance. I won't have that headache. Having to take care of my parents in their old age doesn't scare me; we have a good relationship, and I don't see taking care of family as a burden. Part of it is because I was not burdened with taking care of youngsters in my youth. (My mother was the oldest of five and resented every bit of it.)

DH and his sis are on good terms, but there is not much at all to their relationship. They are very different people, lead different lives, live on opposite coasts and see each other on weddings and funerals.

I have one child, but not by choice. If I could, I'd have two. However, I am not heartbroken about DC not having a sibling. (I'm heartbroken about not getting pregnant, but giving my child a sibling was not my primary goal.) The thing is, either way there are positives and negatives. You need to figure out which positives will outweigh negatives for you and your family. I don't know any onlies who outright hated being onlies. You'll probably get some feedback like that, but I sincerely believe that their problems did not stem from being only children. There is much more to a family dynamic than the number of kids. If you choose to have one and be comfortable with your choice, you can make it work very well. If you choose to have more, you can make that work too. The kid(s) will be fine either way.

[Anonymous]

I have four sibling and we see them half a dozen times a year and we are all local. Everyone is super busy.

I'm not close to my sister.

I don't think having a sibling makes you super close.

I have teenage boys three years apart and they like each other well enough.

[Anonymous]

I'm an only child and I don't wish I had siblings, but I have an only child friend who wishes she did. Some people will be content with their circumstances, no matter what they are, and some won't. So really you just have to do what you think is best for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:only child who grew up with a huge extended family

I have two kids - but only b/c we're older parents. I didn't want to saddle one kid with aging parents! truth!

Often it works out that one child gets stuck with it anyway.

[Anonymous]

I doubt this is what you want to hear, but... I missed having a sibling desperately. When I look back on my childhood, it's me playing alone quietly or reading. I always wanted a playmate and didn't live in a kid friendly neighborhood. I swore I would marry into a large family, but that didn't happen either. I worry that my kids won't have any cousins, and they only have one aunt. I had 14 aunts/uncles and 20 some cousins that I spent summers with (my cousins now are more focused on their own nieces/nephews).

On the pro side, I'm extremely close to my parents and didn't have to fight for attention. They moved to our city when we had kids so they could be there for everything.

[Anonymous]

Happy happy with one child. By choice. That said, child is very outgoing and we do a lot to promote long term friends and are super welcoming if play dates want to bring a sibling. Makes my kid very popular. Families always know ALL their kids are welcome at our house at activities. I also make a point of always offering to drive other kids to events. Makes it fun. So it works by addressing the issues head on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:only child who grew up with a huge extended family

I have two kids - but only b/c we're older parents. I didn't want to saddle one kid with aging parents! truth!

Often it works out that one child gets stuck with it anyway.

Yep, I have 2 friends going through this right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:only child who grew up with a huge extended family

I have two kids - but only b/c we're older parents. I didn't want to saddle one kid with aging parents! truth!

Often it works out that one child gets stuck with it anyway.

My father, his sister, and their half-brother managed to avoid this altogether. I am not even sure who took care of their parents. Some aunt of sorts. She got to keep their stuff as payment or some shit. Yep. My bloodline is stellar

[Anonymous]

I'm an only child in my 30's and don't regret not having siblings. Sure, it makes some things harder, but it also makes some things easier.

If you want another child, have another child. But don't have another child to "give" your existing child something, because you simply don't have any way to know if you're giving them a BFF for life, a seriously disabled responsibility for the rest of their life, a distant but cordial sibling, etc.

[Anonymous]

Have an only child. It's been fabulous. No financial worries and able to explore the world and her interests together. It does result in an unusually close bond that you have to actively stretch in order to secure the child's adjustment into adulthood. You feel like hanging on and the child feels responsible. College (far away) is a great way to transition. I have asked her for her opinion on a sibling and she adamantly insists it not something she would have ever wanted. She is now in a strong relationship with a beautiful man who comes from a large family. Her only concern is that he might want too many kids.