Regret having one child or no siblings?

[Anonymous]

When I decided to have two, one of the reasons is that I saw that my first was probably the type of who want to have a sibling and would probably enjoy having one. I was right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:only child who grew up with a huge extended family

I have two kids - but only b/c we're older parents. I didn't want to saddle one kid with aging parents! truth!

This is me. Had three partly for this reason. And because they are so cute and I was still in my baby high each time I decided to have another.

If you are already thinking of regret you should seriously think of having another. And it helps when they are closer in age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly speaking I am fine with one child and DS is happy having all my attention most of the time.

However during this extended school closure I really wish he had a sibling. That said I am sure there are parents with two kids who fought the all of snowzilla who wished they had one. Grass is always greener.

I have two siblings. One I could do without, but I do really enjoy spending time with my older brother. He visits often and is the best uncle

Just this morning I was talking with DS and realized he will never be an uncle. I told him that he can always be an "uncle" to his best friends kids.

All this said whether you have one kid or two what you can't deprive your child of is regular, outside of school interaction with other kids. So if it isn't siblings this means playdates which can be tough for introverts. DS loves playdates and we host them as often as we go to them. I find them exhausting. They do get better as the kids get old. Even at 7 I don't really need to do much other than feed them.

So will your child be fine as an only. Absolutely. Oddly many of DS's close friends are also onlys. Perhaps they gravitate towards each other.

He can also be an uncle to his spouse's children.

[Anonymous]

Read the book One and Only

I'm an Only who is going to have an Only. I loved being an Only. I never fought with siblings. I know that elder care is all my responsibility (no resentment when the other sibling drops the ball). I have long term friends that fill in for siblings.

Have another child if *you* want another child. Do not do it for your current child. How would you feel if you had another child and they hated each other?

[Anonymous]

I'm not an only child but my daughter is. She's 13 and asks about a sibling off and on. I should've given her a brother or sister but my eggs are scrambled at my age now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have one and have the best daughter in the world. We could afford to send her to the best private school, Ivy, plus help her when she needs it. Means we can travel wherever/whenever we want. Two would have been a stretch. Would have had to settle for public school and state university. Ugh!

troll post

but if not - Honey, as a privileged only - now with 2 kids who attend . . . shudder . . . public - your child will be a fucking brat from hell as you transfer your elitist 'tude over to her.

been there until life kicked me hard in the ass

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only child, and my extended family is not close. On mom's side, they mostly call on birthdays. On dad's side, the only communication happens when someone dies. No, I don't really miss having siblings. Maybe if I had them, then lost them, I'd miss them. But having no such experience, I have no yearning for it. I've seen friends squabble with siblings about inheritance. I won't have that headache. Having to take care of my parents in their old age doesn't scare me; we have a good relationship, and I don't see taking care of family as a burden. Part of it is because I was not burdened with taking care of youngsters in my youth. (My mother was the oldest of five and resented every bit of it.)

DH and his sis are on good terms, but there is not much at all to their relationship. They are very different people, lead different lives, live on opposite coasts and see each other on weddings and funerals.

I have one child, but not by choice. If I could, I'd have two. However, I am not heartbroken about DC not having a sibling. (I'm heartbroken about not getting pregnant, but giving my child a sibling was not my primary goal.) The thing is, either way there are positives and negatives. You need to figure out which positives will outweigh negatives for you and your family. I don't know any onlies who outright hated being onlies. You'll probably get some feedback like that, but I sincerely believe that their problems did not stem from being only children. There is much more to a family dynamic than the number of kids. If you choose to have one and be comfortable with your choice, you can make it work very well. If you choose to have more, you can make that work too. The kid(s) will be fine either way.

Plus a million. So well-put.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have an only child. It's been fabulous. No financial worries and able to explore the world and her interests together. It does result in an unusually close bond that you have to actively stretch in order to secure the child's adjustment into adulthood. You feel like hanging on and the child feels responsible. College (far away) is a great way to transition. I have asked her for her opinion on a sibling and she adamantly insists it not something she would have ever wanted. She is now in a strong relationship with a beautiful man who comes from a large family. Her only concern is that he might want too many kids.

+1000. I have an only child and I L-O-V-E it. With one, you can develop a very deep relationship without having to worry about dividing your attention/giving equal attention to another child. They can just fully blossom in front of your eyes, and you can take in every part of that beautiful process. My sister, who has 3 grown children, is amazed at the depth of our relationship, what we do, where we travel, and by what my DC shares with me. I feel so blessed! Financially we are able to, as the the pp mentioned, explore the world and DC's interests together, and to afford the very best education and opportunities. I was the 3rd in my family, and by the time I rolled around, I did not have a particularly close relationship with my parents. My own relationship with my 2 siblings is good, but lacking in any real depth. It was the right choice for me - good luck to you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up as an only child and socially I think I lost out. Without a sibling to tease me and teach me how to work through arguments, I often found social situations very challenging, anxiety inducing and I failed in them. In fact I'd say I failed in most social situations until now as an adult I just avoid them, unless they are brief and light.

This is what I worry about for my child, who is an only. He is improving in his ability to relate to other kids socially but my observation of most of his peers who have a sibling or two is that they are far more relaxed in social situations.

That is just how your kid is wired. Please don't blame yourself. My sister is like this and she grew up with me - I'm good with people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up as an only child and socially I think I lost out. Without a sibling to tease me and teach me how to work through arguments, I often found social situations very challenging, anxiety inducing and I failed in them. In fact I'd say I failed in most social situations until now as an adult I just avoid them, unless they are brief and light.

This is what I worry about for my child, who is an only. He is improving in his ability to relate to other kids socially but my observation of most of his peers who have a sibling or two is that they are far more relaxed in social situations.

That is just how your kid is wired. Please don't blame yourself. My sister is like this and she grew up with me - I'm good with people.

[Anonymous]

I have two boys --2.5 years apart. 8 and 10.5. They have always been incredibly close--almost never fight. They are best buds and always together. They giggle a mike a minute, have their own made up language, etc. one is always trying to get the other to laugh. They both are very athletic (different travel soccer teams due to age)--but they are each others biggest fans.

They gave us MORE free time because instead of waking us up on weekends --they go down and play together. They have a bus in family vacations--to okay with on the beach or ride the rides we don't want to.

I am glad they have each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two boys --2.5 years apart. 8 and 10.5. They have always been incredibly close--almost never fight. They are best buds and always together. They giggle a mike a minute, have their own made up language, etc. one is always trying to get the other to laugh. They both are very athletic (different travel soccer teams due to age)--but they are each others biggest fans.

They gave us MORE free time because instead of waking us up on weekends --they go down and play together. They have a bus in family vacations--to okay with on the beach or ride the rides we don't want to.

I am glad they have each other.

Bud, not bus

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an only child in my 30's and don't regret not having siblings. Sure, it makes some things harder, but it also makes some things easier.

If you want another child, have another child. But don't have another child to "give" your existing child something, because you simply don't have any way to know if you're giving them a BFF for life, a seriously disabled responsibility for the rest of their life, a distant but cordial sibling, etc.

Wisest thing said ever (second paragraph)

[Anonymous]

I'm an only child. Parents divorced and one has remarried. In addition to constantly being between my parents growing up, I was also the only one in the house for the unmarried one. I got to be victim to all that parents' moods and troubles. I also now find that I have 3 parents all of whom will age and depend on me - I am the only child of stepparent too. Additionally I will someday be alone remembering them. I think I have been in a uniquely unkind situation with the divorce and one parent too dependent on me BUT generally I wouldn't wish this on someone. Also my best friend is an only. She agrees it sucks.

[Anonymous]

We have one child, I have a brother who I am not close to and my DH has several sisters - he is close with them but we only see them once a year. Personally I love having one child, we have busy careers, caring for our parents and dealing with life has meant that with one kid I feel like I can manage his needs and still care for our parents and our jobs. We can also afford things that with more kids we wouldn't have been able to - long vacations, home remodels etc. I did not enjoy growing up with a sibling, he was selfish, difficult a huge challenge for my parents his entire life. My brother has been no use with helping care for our parents, in fact he is more of a problem. I don't feel like I have a family member to help me or provide me support (financially or emotionally.) Instead I get that from my spouse and my friends. I guess because of how I grew up and the relationship with my brother I don't see a "need" for a sibling. Our DS is a very social kid, lots of friends and so I don't worry about him not having siblings to help. And to be honest with my DH's siblings - they are both financially able to help with their parent's care but they just don't. No guarantee having a sibling will provide you with support you need.