Not invited to SIL's baby shower
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Anonymous
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Quick google search shows me that a lot of moms-to-be intentionally not invite their in-laws or wonder if that's an okay thing to do.
My SIL is due in a few months and having a baby shower in January, hosted by my MIL. We are not particularly close, but there's no hostility whatsoever between us. The whole family just spent the Christmas together and had a really good time. My MIL even discussed the shower with me before on several occasions. So this really baffles me. DH thinks it was an oversight, but then again, I didn't even get the invitation for my SIL's wedding (which I attended, of course). You'd expect that she'd make sure I get the invitation this time around. I have to work on weekends to meet a deadline, so I wouldn't have been able to go even if I were invited. But that they decided not to invite me to the shower is really hurtful. Am I over-reacting to think it's rude they didn't invite me? |
Anonymous
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No, you're not overreacting to be hurt. My SIL and I are polite and kind to each other but not genuinely close. She invited me to her bridal shower (I didn't go) and her baby shower (I went). I went to see the baby the day after she was born too, at the hospital.
I truly hope it was just an oversight. My advice is to always go Spike in these situations and do the right thing, no matter what the other person is doing. I think that's what makes people classy, plus you will feel good about yourself. So buy a $20 thing off the baby shower registry and send it. If they bring up the shower and whether you're coming or, afterwards, why you didn't come, just laugh and say "Oh! This is kind of embarrassing, but I guess you forgot since you have so much going on - I wasn't invited. So I just assumed it was a friends-only shower and not one with family." Be breezy. You are a classy, classy lady who assumes the best of everyone. |
Anonymous
| rude |
Anonymous
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It could be the fault of the post office. Sometimes mail gets lost or misdelivered. Why not ask DH to check with his sister or mother? He could say, "Larla's been so excited about your baby, and we know the shower is coming up, but Larla hasn't gotten the invitation yet. Could it have gotten lost in the mail?"
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Anonymous
| Agree that it is incredibly rude. I don't understand why MIL would talk to you about the shower if MIL/SIL had no intention of inviting you. Maybe they thought it was obvious that you would come and so didn't think of sending and invite. I would have DH ask MIL. |
Anonymous
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Are you all local? I wasn't invited to my SILs baby shower (and didn't invite her to my bridal shower around the same time)-- but they live half way across the country and, I think we both assumed that inviting someone who had a 0% chance of attending looks like a gift grab.
It also could be a post office mistake- it's amazing how many Christmas cards we had returned for no apparent reason. I would check with MIL and not assume it's a snub |
Anonymous
| Your DH should ask your MIL, who is hosting. Why wouldn't he do that? Odds are it's an oversight. If she really didn't invite you, that would be very rude and strange, which is why it seems unlikely. |
Anonymous
| I'm assuming this is your DH's sister, correct? |
Anonymous
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Wait, she also didn't send you an invite to her wedding? Did she just assume you were coming because your DH is her brother or something? Maybe she thinks you're close enough you don't need an invite and an invitation is assumed.
Either way, your DH needs to ask his mom if you are invited or not. It shows you all noticed the slight, and if it was a mistake, they can fix it. If it was intentional, well, I'd have your DH pass along your hurt feelings. Not something dramatic, just a "Oh, DW was really excited to attend, so I think she'll be a bit let down. Can you call her and explain it?". If they can't call you and let you know why to your face, that tells you a lot about his family... |
Anonymous
| Maybe they assume that since you know about it you don't need an actual invitation? |
Anonymous
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You need an invitation? If this is your SIL, shouldn't you be throwing the shower with your MIL? Maybe you didn't get invited because you didn't help. And because you prioritize work over the shower.
They don't sound like the rude party.... |
Anonymous
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I agree it's rude but is there a chance it's a shower with "her" side of the family and they didn't extend into in-laws? It's especially rude that MIL talked to you about it, so I do wonder if there are signals crossed somewhere. Is this your brother's wife (in which case is your own mom, her MIL, invited?), or your DH's sister, in which case maybe they figured that relationship on paper was enough of a stretch to not want to look like a gift grab.
Agree to be gracious, at some point send a gift from you and DH. If it comes up with him and his mom, he could say something like "quick question, I know sis's shower is coming up. Should DW and I make plans for her to travel, as we need to put it on the calendar." |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
Not necessarily. Sounds like OP's brother is married to SIL. In which case, SIL's own blood relatives may be throwing her a shower. It's possible that OP and her mother (the SIL's in-laws) could also throw her a family shower on their side of the family. OP isn't rude. |
Anonymous
Wrong. Ignore this. |