Settle a Really Stupid Argument - Social Dancing

[Anonymous]

I can't dance and I know it - I'm the quintessential white girl who is now a middle-aged mom. DH thinks he can dance and always wants me to dance when we're at parties, receptions, etc. I usually let him drag me out there or he'll tell me "I'm not fun," but when I dance around the house, he just makes fun of what an awful dancer I am. I don't think he can both make fun of me and then want me to do it - he thinks I need to lighten up. I see his point a little bit, but think he is being an ass to constantly make fun of me when I AM being lighthearted. Who's right?

[Anonymous]

First World Problems. Would you prefer he just ignore you and not want to share some fun with you on the dance floor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First World Problems. Would you prefer he just ignore you and not want to share some fun with you on the dance floor?

The caption said "really stupid argument," so, yes, obviously a first world problem and recognized as such. Now that we are done with that (which is always so much fun): No, I would rather he not make fun of me at every opportunity at home and then want me to dance without being self-conscious in public.

[Anonymous]

DH is not being fair. It's like telling you a hairstyle makes you look goofy then asking you to wear it and wondering why you don't want to.

I also don't like him saying you aren't fun if you don't want to dance. That's pretty manipulative just because of one activity you don't care for.

[Anonymous]

I think you need dance classes. I love to dance and it's a learned skill. He shouldn't make fun of you, but likewise, if he wants to dance, you should do it.

[Anonymous]

Not fair of him to make fun of you then expect you to do what he has made fun of you for doing in public.

Why don't you take lessons? Either on your own or together.

[Anonymous]

You need to drink more than you won't care about how you dance.

My story is similar. I agree to go out on the dance floor WITH him, he basically starts dancing by himself (not facing me or interacting with me) and leaves me there swaying out of rhythm by myself. So I drink more and then dance with my friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not fair of him to make fun of you then expect you to do what he has made fun of you for doing in public.

Why don't you take lessons? Either on your own or together.

+1. Few dancers are naturals. It's a learned thing and if you have some moves, you'll know what to do. We're ballroom dancers, but look great on any dance floor because we have confidence and rhythm now that we learned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need dance classes. I love to dance and it's a learned skill. He shouldn't make fun of you, but likewise, if he wants to dance, you should do it.

Are there classes for social dancing (meaning not just the cha cha or whatever)?

[Anonymous]

He knows your self-conscious so he should back off. That being said, when you are dancing at receptions are you not surrounded by other middle aged white women who also don't know how to dance? Maybe work on being a little less self conscious (unless of course your social group happens to be filled with unusually talented dancers...then take some classes).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First World Problems. Would you prefer he just ignore you and not want to share some fun with you on the dance floor?

I lived in a third world country for awhile.

I really hate when people say "First World Problems"

PP - have you done anything to solve a third world problem today?

Otherwise - help the OP with her first world problem.

[Anonymous]

I don't know how to dance, but it's fun and I don't mind looking like a fool

Don't discuss this with him. Tell him it's a deal: either he makes fun of you and you don't dance at parties, or he shuts up and you agree to dance a few times a year. Done.

Then FOLLOW THROUGH.
And do this for other areas of your life. Sounds as if you let your DH run the show here...

[Anonymous]

This sounds like something my dh would do, except that he's NOT a dancer. Anyway I've found that if I try to be easygoing when he makes fun of me for something, that it confuses him. So he says, I never know whether you're going to get pissed or not. (In my mind, that's sufficient reason to can the behavior but whatver). Anyway so that translates to me having to be a humorless bitch on whatever the subject may be. That means you stop dancing, remind him that you don't find it funny and if necessary leave the room until he stops doing it. F'ing men.

[Anonymous]

He shouldn't make fun of you. You shouldn't worry about what you look like.

The idea that one has to be good at dancing to dance is pernicious. Music + movement is fun. Full stop. If you're dancing competitively, by all means, get good at it. If you're dancing because it's fun to dance, just start moving however the music moves you.

[Anonymous]

an older relative used to do this to me. Except it was complain that I wasn't a good enough follower on the dance floor, so then I stopped dancing with him. Then he started complaining to my husband that I refused to dance. My husband, who heard what he said earlier, said, "well, you can't have it both ways."

Good luck!