Settle a Really Stupid Argument - Social Dancing

[Anonymous]

It seems to me that you feel self-conscious about not being a great dancer and that you feel a little embarrassed about doing it in public. But you do it anyway out of love for your husband.

So it seems that in exchange for doing this loving act for your husband, he should do YOU the loving act of NOT pointing out that you're a dorky dancer when you do it in the privacy of your own home.

That's the trade-off. You dance dorkily and do so at home and in public with him (at his request); he refrains from making fun of you for it if he wants to continue having you as a dance partner.

[Anonymous]

Good social dancers are good because they're having fun. It's not So You Think You Can Dance or anything. If you can dance and have fun, smile, relax, then you look great. But, since this is something you feel insecure about, it really doesn't help that DH's teasing makes you feel worse. Next time, just tell him, "you know I'm insecure about my dancing. I'm trying to have fun but when you tease, even if you mean it in a light hearted way, it makes me worry about dancing in public. Can you avoid teasing my dancing?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't dance and I know it - I'm the quintessential white girl who is now a middle-aged mom. DH thinks he can dance and always wants me to dance when we're at parties, receptions, etc. I usually let him drag me out there or he'll tell me "I'm not fun," but when I dance around the house, he just makes fun of what an awful dancer I am. I don't think he can both make fun of me and then want me to do it - he thinks I need to lighten up. I see his point a little bit, but think he is being an ass to constantly make fun of me when I AM being lighthearted. Who's right?

You are an awful dancer. Be an awful dancer!!! Join in on the fun. Joke about it. Go big on the bad dancing, Elaine-style if you must. Enjoy being the awful dancer your husband loves!!!

I'm a big believer in the "If you can walk, you can dance. If you can talk, you can sing" school of thought of this, OP. My mother was, by ALL accounts, a horrible singer. But she sang to me with abandon throughout my childhood. You better believe I dance in my kitchen. Sunday mornings are a disco at my house. My children laugh at me, just like I laughed at my mom's singing. SO. WHAT???!!!!

DH is being an ass, and he chooses to swing with his lady every chance he gets! Mazel, y'all. Please enjoy yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good social dancers are good because they're having fun. It's not So You Think You Can Dance or anything. If you can dance and have fun, smile, relax, then you look great. But, since this is something you feel insecure about, it really doesn't help that DH's teasing makes you feel worse. Next time, just tell him, "you know I'm insecure about my dancing. I'm trying to have fun but when you tease, even if you mean it in a light hearted way, it makes me worry about dancing in public. Can you avoid teasing my dancing?"

This just isn't true. You need rhythm to look great. Not everyone has it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First World Problems. Would you prefer he just ignore you and not want to share some fun with you on the dance floor?

I lived in a third world country for awhile.

I really hate when people say "First World Problems"

PP - have you done anything to solve a third world problem today?

Otherwise - help the OP with her first world problem.

love this response!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good social dancers are good because they're having fun. It's not So You Think You Can Dance or anything. If you can dance and have fun, smile, relax, then you look great. But, since this is something you feel insecure about, it really doesn't help that DH's teasing makes you feel worse. Next time, just tell him, "you know I'm insecure about my dancing. I'm trying to have fun but when you tease, even if you mean it in a light hearted way, it makes me worry about dancing in public. Can you avoid teasing my dancing?"

This just isn't true. You need rhythm to look great. Not everyone has it.

Coming to back up second poster. You can dance or you can't, you can't fake having rhythm. You might be able to pull off a couple of moves but you won't fool anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First World Problems. Would you prefer he just ignore you and not want to share some fun with you on the dance floor?

I lived in a third world country for awhile.

I really hate when people say "First World Problems"

PP - have you done anything to solve a third world problem today?

Otherwise - help the OP with her first world problem.

love this response!

+1. I was going to post something similar.

By definition, anyone posting on DCUM is sharing first world problems.

So, hats off to OP for being able to live a life where social dancing is one of her to concerns. Other people prefer to be drama queens? Well, their choice.

[Anonymous]

I hate dancing. My spouse hates dancing. On our first date we had gone to a comedy club, followed by another club where dancing was happening. Future spouse halfheartedly said, "do you want to dance?" To which I responded, "Not really. I hate dancing." To which he responded in jest, "Will you marry me?" A year later he asked me for real, and I believe our mutual distaste for dancing helped seal the deal.

I distrust anyone who enjoys dancing too much. Especially organized group dancing like line dancing or that dumb chicken dance. You all look stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good social dancers are good because they're having fun. It's not So You Think You Can Dance or anything. If you can dance and have fun, smile, relax, then you look great. But, since this is something you feel insecure about, it really doesn't help that DH's teasing makes you feel worse. Next time, just tell him, "you know I'm insecure about my dancing. I'm trying to have fun but when you tease, even if you mean it in a light hearted way, it makes me worry about dancing in public. Can you avoid teasing my dancing?"

This just isn't true. You need rhythm to look great. Not everyone has it.

NP but rhythm is learned. I've spent hours working on mine but it comes a lot easier now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good social dancers are good because they're having fun. It's not So You Think You Can Dance or anything. If you can dance and have fun, smile, relax, then you look great. But, since this is something you feel insecure about, it really doesn't help that DH's teasing makes you feel worse. Next time, just tell him, "you know I'm insecure about my dancing. I'm trying to have fun but when you tease, even if you mean it in a light hearted way, it makes me worry about dancing in public. Can you avoid teasing my dancing?"

This just isn't true. You need rhythm to look great. Not everyone has it.

Go pound sand. You're wrong, and you're part of the problem. If someone is dancing for fun and they're having a lot of fun, they look great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm a big believer in the "If you can walk, you can dance. If you can talk, you can sing" school of thought of this, OP. My mother was, by ALL accounts, a horrible singer. But she sang to me with abandon throughout my childhood. You better believe I dance in my kitchen. Sunday mornings are a disco at my house. My children laugh at me, just like I laughed at my mom's singing. SO. WHAT???!!!!

I'm part of the singing poorly and enthusiastically crowd. My kids have always loved my singing to them even though I can't carry a tune in a bucket. It has been a source of joy to all of us, so I'm going to count it as a win and a net positive to my life.

By contrast, my wife has a much better voice than me, but she's self-conscious about it and so never sang much to the kids.

[Anonymous]

Honestly? Just embrace your goofiness. I think that's all he really wants you to do.

I go out dancing quite frequently and TONS of people don't have rhythm. Yet they still go out there, attempt to cut a rug, and give zero f#cks about anyone watching them. They are the type of folks that always have a great night.

That said, I think you should mention the double standard to your husband and how it makes you feel self-conscious. He's not connecting the dots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good social dancers are good because they're having fun. It's not So You Think You Can Dance or anything. If you can dance and have fun, smile, relax, then you look great. But, since this is something you feel insecure about, it really doesn't help that DH's teasing makes you feel worse. Next time, just tell him, "you know I'm insecure about my dancing. I'm trying to have fun but when you tease, even if you mean it in a light hearted way, it makes me worry about dancing in public. Can you avoid teasing my dancing?"

This just isn't true. You need rhythm to look great. Not everyone has it.

Go pound sand. You're wrong, and you're part of the problem. If someone is dancing for fun and they're having a lot of fun, they look great.

It IS great to see people having fun, however that happens. However, that is not the same thing as saying someone looks great dancing. Trust me, I know this, as I don't have rhythm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He shouldn't make fun of you. You shouldn't worry about what you look like.

The idea that one has to be good at dancing to dance is pernicious. Music + movement is fun. Full stop. If you're dancing competitively, by all means, get good at it. If you're dancing because it's fun to dance, just start moving however the music moves you.

I hate dancing. Hate it, hate it, hate it. It is not fun for me.

The dancers should find other dancers to dance with, and leave the non-dancers alone.

[Anonymous]

People who dance live longer and are happier.
http://www.chicagotribune.com/brandpublishing/livingwell/ct-ss-presbyterianhomes-how-to-live-a-longer-and-healthier-life-by-dancing-20150805dto-story.html

People who say they "hate" dancing are generally suffering from something else that impedes their ability to dance - self-consciousness/poor self-esteem, depression, poor physical health, etc.

Dancing is wonderful for the mind, body, and soul.