Moving overseas. Dad says he won't come visit us.
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Anonymous
| My family is moving overseas to Australia. My father lives in Los Angeles, a 16 hour flight away. My dad says he will never come visit us because the flight is too long, so we must always come and visit him. He says instead he would pay for my family's flight to see him, if necessary. He is 60 years old and retired, well off financially, he has no medical issues, he isn't afraid of flying, he is unmarried/unattached and he has no other commitments on his time whatsoever. Meanwhile, DH and I both work FT and we have a very young child. It will be considerably more difficult, logistically, for us all to arrange to see him. I am willing to do this but I don't know if we can swing it every year or very often, especially when DC is in school. I'm disappointed and a little insulted at his refusal to visit simply because he does not want to sit in an airplane seat for 16 hours. He also isn't coming back east to visit us before we leave because he says the flights are too expensive, more expensive than normal (like $1k vs $500). He offered to fly us out to him, but I explained that we need all the time we have to pack, make arrangements and finish up at work, so we really cannot take a vacation right now. I'm very disappointed and I feel like we don't matter as much to him as I thought. It's like he can't be bothered to go out of his way. I wish he cared more about seeing us, especially his grandchild. |
Anonymous
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Does he fly for other things? If not, maybe he is nervous about flying.
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Anonymous
| Some people just don't travel. Sorry OP! I know my inlaws would be like that if we went overseas. They think that places outside the US are dangerous. |
Anonymous
Yes, he does. He doesn't do much traveling (he has zero desire to), but he has flown to Hawaii from the East coast and across the US many times. He said that he doesn't want to sit in the airplane seat for that long. |
Anonymous
| A reluctance to travel seems to correlate closely with aging. |
Anonymous
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Why should he have to travel--something he doesn't like to do--because of your choices?
His generous willingness to pay for your family to fly to see him is his way of showing that he cares. I have a dear friend who is disappointed I won't fly to Amsterdam to see her after she moved there four years ago. Sorry, I've already been to Amsterdam, so my overseas travel--and the expense and time it takes to travel abroad--will be spent elsewhere. I'm happy to meet her in London or something, but no--your choice to move far away. I'll see you here in the States when you visit family. |
Anonymous
| I think you should let this go. I think you're making more out of it than there is. |
Anonymous
+1. He doesn't want to sit on a flight for 16 hours. Not that you do but you'll probably come back once in a while, correct? Until then Skype, call, send letters. |
Anonymous
| Go visit your dad. His offer is generous. Some people can't handle sitting in one cramped spot for 16 hours - it aggravates whatever pain they have. |
Anonymous
This is what my inlaws think. Since we moved away (for our jobs), we should always be the one who comes home and she never needs to visit us. |
Anonymous
+1 A flight to Australia is a very long flight. And, not terribly pleasant. I really can’t blame him. You are taking it too personally - take advantage of his offer to bring you back on occasion. |
Anonymous
Wow, with friends like this... How dear of a friend is she? I would be hurt if I thought I had a close friendship with someone but you wouldn't come visit me after 4 years because you've already been to the city in which I live? You aren't coming for the city... |
Anonymous
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He just isn't that in to you.
You guys are choosing to move & he is choosing to not visit. Adults get to make their own choices. |
Anonymous
| 16-hr flight is tough in Economy. Perhaps he might be willing if you put him in Business? |
Anonymous
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I think his offering to pay is a good middle ground.
Traveling is uncomfortable and challenging. I can't say I blame him for not wanting to make such a trip. I understand being hurt (it sounds like you're reading, "I don't care if I ever see you again"), but I also understand where he's coming from. If misery loves company, I live in DC with spouse and child, my parents are in california. 6 hour trip. After 10 years of living here, my dad has only been once. We try to get there once a year to see him in person, but otherwise we call weekly to catch up. I've let go of the hurt that he doesn't want to come, and do my best to plan family vacations through California each summer so we have an opportunity to see him. |