Nasssitic dad
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Anonymous
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God, it is sooooooo hard dealing with my daughters narrasstic father! He is a piece of shit, emotional abusive excuse for a human being. I can't stand to be around him. But at school events, there is a need. And I get triggered every damn time.
HELP!!!!! I hate the bastard! |
Anonymous
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I am really truly right there with you, gritting my teeth and thinking "what an *ss" at parent-teacher meetings and therapist meetings... BUT here's the thing (which I have to tell myself all the time, by the way.) I met a mom who had a 9 year old son. Her ex remarried and it's sort of a classic story about how he used to see his son every week but then went to every other week... then once a month and (at the time I met the mom) to maybe once a year. If she was lucky. Her son asks her ALL the time why his dad does not want to see him. I'm not exaggerating that this is probably going to scar this child for his entire life, the feeling of loss and rejection. At the time I met her, she was trying to get him into Big Brother, for which I admire her greatly to address some of the problem, but really truly doesn't what he really need is his father, even if his father is biggest loser of all time?
So, your ex is who he is. He is not going to change, which is why you (in my case, I) divorced him. We're lucky we only have to deal with his crap in these instances versus every day, in our homes, etc. Your ex is still your child's father and for all his flaws still has important gifts to give to your child and you DO NOT want to frost him out of your kid's life just because he's a self-centered *ss. |
Anonymous
| And yet you decided to have a child with him. Nice job. |
Anonymous
what is a narrasstic father? some sort of religious order? |
Anonymous
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1. Learn to spell. It's narcissistic.
2. You're a grown up now, you don't get to "get triggered" by everyday necessary events like interacting with your child's father. He may have been an abusive asshole, but it couldn't have been that traumatic or he wouldn't have shared custody. Grow up and act like a mature woman of strength. Set an example other than "victim" for your daughter to follow. |
Anonymous
Not OP, but this is clearly written by someone who does not understand how shared custody is awarded these days. Abusing the other parent isn't grounds for severing parental rights. I brought police reports to court and had multiple witnesses who were non-relatives. My XH still got joint legal and liberal visitation. |
Anonymous
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OP here. Normally I am a pillar of strenghten. But the holidays are hard for me. They just are.
I totally married the wrong person, and I'm bound to him the rest of my life because of my child. Sucks I have to share my community with him. Sucks he walks around like big man on campus. Sucks that its hard to make friends in the school community because of my divorce status. It's lonely. I do ok for myself. I really do. I have a lot of strenghth most of the year. But its the holidays, the idea of "family", and having very few people to lean on. That's my world. And so it goes, some of you will get it, some of you don't. I certainly don't want to dwell on it, but going to a chorus performance last night, with oodles of extended nuclear families everywhere, while I sat by my lonesome, yea, it was hard. If only he wasn't narrassticc I would've have to leave him. And I'm glad I did. I'm not hung up on him. But we were that nuclear family for the first 5 years of my daughters life. And while I don't want him, I miss the stability, having another to lean on etc etc etc. I know I'm not the only one out there that feels like this. In this time, can the DCUM community please be kind to me? Just for a month or so? Thanks much. (And he's narrasstic because he ignores me and my role as mom. Has his girlfriend to step in to do his parenting duties. That is tough to watch some random person parent my kid. But that's my ex to a T. Always pawning off responsiliby so he can go play). (and yes, many spelling errors. I confess. Be kind DCUM. |
Anonymous
It's not even quite a spelling error, OP. Read what you typed out loud -- it doesn't even remotely sound like the word you mean. |
Anonymous
| Omg, narassticc isn't a word!!!!!! You mean narcissistic!!!! |
Anonymous
| Dcum mean peeps at it again. Never ever fails |
Anonymous
| Mean girls grow up and become DCUM spelling police. |
Anonymous
Yep. It's because they have nothing of any substance to say. |
Anonymous
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OP Here.
Today I am thankful that the mean people on this thread I don't know and are not "friends" with. I post on DCUM looking for possible 1 other person that can understand how I'm feeling. Turns out I just get haters. Why DCUM, Why?? I just don't understand. Anyhoo - This holiday season I vow to only live in the moment (except plan what gifts to buy my daughter for x-mas). And I've learned that the only way to deal with her dad is to create boundaries. And I will have to create them. |
Anonymous
Yada, yada, yada. OP, if you are going to use a word, you should spell it correctly. |
Anonymous
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OP, I feel your pain. Dealing with a narcissistic ex really sucks, especially when it comes to your child becoming a second, third or even fourth priority to the ex.
Ignore the haters. I think the holidays (family/alcohol/travel) can bring out the worst in folks. Focus on gratitude if you can. At least your ex is in your child's life. While that makes it tougher for you right now, it will pay dividends in the future for your child. |