Nasssitic dad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op Here - Just a little window on the person I have to co--parent with.

I started a new job 6 weeks ago. Stressful job but pays good and thankfully I have a boss who understands what its like to be a single mom.

That said, I took my girl to NYC for thanksgiving weekend and she told me "You are better than toys r us!" Woot woot!

I finally get a bit of me time as she goes to her Dad's place on Wednesday. I got a cold.And it got worse. And worse. But I had a concert I had paid for months ago so I went last night. I'm so glad I did. However, I am still sick.

I woke up even more sick. I was due to get my daughter at 10:30am but I absolutely needed more rest to be able to do the GOTR 5k tomorrow morning with her.

I told him that and went back to bed. No sooner did I get chastized to do better and that I ruined his saturday plans.

Waaa! I've been flexible for that asshole for years and years and years, making sure everyone else was ok except for myself. He now needs to learn to be flexible. I don't plan to get sick.

Fact - starting a new job is stressful, trying to kick ass and still be an attentive mom as well. It's hard. And the stress showed up in my getting a nasty nasty cold.

Maybe I should've not gone to the concert last night. But it had been on my wish list for years so I pushed it and went. Maybe a poor choice.

However, when I see my daughter this afternoon, I think she will understand. I don't care what her dad thinks and I'm NOT going to let it ruin my day of selfcare.

He can suck it. I don't have a live in babysitter to help me out when I'm sick. I just don't. Hello co-parenting.

"You need to do better". No shit sherlock dad. Captain obvious is aware too. Fact - Change takes time for me to settle into. And that's what's happening now. And boy, he doesn't like it. It eeks into his precious me time.

Actually this tells me far more about you than it does about him.

+1000 Actually, OP you sound quite narcissistic yourself. It is not your ex's responsibility to take over for your "me" time. Also, presumably you have "me" time when he's exercising his regularly scheduled time sharing. Expecting someone else to move things around for your issues is pretty narcissistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Here.

Today I am thankful that the mean people on this thread I don't know and are not "friends" with.

I post on DCUM looking for possible 1 other person that can understand how I'm feeling. Turns out I just get haters. Why DCUM, Why?? I just don't understand.

Anyhoo - This holiday season I vow to only live in the moment (except plan what gifts to buy my daughter for x-mas). And I've learned that the only way to deal with her dad is to create boundaries. And I will have to create them.

Yada, yada, yada. OP, if you are going to use a word, you should spell it correctly.

Can we just respectfully ignore the spelling mistake? We all see it. No need to keep pointing it out or even discussing it.

I can imagine what conversation IRL must be like with the DCUM spellcheckers."I'm sorry lowly one, I can't listen to your problems unless you communicate them to me in perfect grammar."

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, I am 12/05/2016 12:44 PP again.

Most of the time. I don't have any help at all. Once in a while, I get a babysitter but very seldom (once or twice a year or so).

When I am worn out or not feeling well, I just rest it out for a few hours during the weekend morning, and leave plenty of food on the stove and fridge for the kids to reach out. I cook and buy some easy-to-maintain food for them to serve themselves. I also have simple food like apples, bananas, bread, milk, nuts, etc for snack. They go through shows I am ok with. They look though some Kids' books, or do art projects as well. They are 5 and 9 now.

It is not ideal but the few hours can help tremendously.

After caring, logistic and planning for kids; some income work and housework; 5-day hourly per week of exercise; and weather-permitting, daily outdoor sunning for vitamin D (often with kids), I don't have much time nor energy to socialize at all. If I do, it may be a few times per year for 2 hours or less.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for all of the advice! I agree - down time is needed when i'm full on mom. Just hard when I'm starting a new job, trying to make a good impression etc etc, plus give my girl a great thanksgiving, I think my body just got worn down. A simple cold became really bad. I couldn't miss work since I have no sick time yet really. I literaly woke up on Saturday morning barely able to move and make the call to tell my ex he needed to take care of her.

I got her at 4pm yesterday and it was fine. I went to be at 8pm when she went to bed. 10 hours of sleep is what I needed. And I managed to get her to the GOTR 5K this early am and run it with her.

So, with that, her dad can come to realize that with parenting, things can happen last minute. Even to Mom.

I agree - babysitters are vital, and I did use them a couple of times over the summer just to get to the gym. My daughter is great when I need rest, in fact, she needs rest too just vegging out on the couch. The back anf forth with her dad is already a burden for her.

Problem with Saturday am was I couldn't get out of bed to go get her. I just couldn't. I'm glad I listened to my body and gave it rest.

Got our Xmas tree and we will be putting on the trimmings tomorrow night. ANd last night I managed to get her to write her letter to santa. She's a great kid.

Thank you for those who ignore my spelling mistakes. I type fast to get my feelings out. I see DCUM really as a place for advice. But I know I take a risk in posting for the meannies.

(Yes, another mistake. I see it. And I won't change it. You can get the gist anyways.. )

[Anonymous]

Hi OP,

This is 12/05/2016 12:44 PP again.

I am so glad you are taking time to relax.

It just occurred to me that unless you conpletely trust your ex to think of your welfare (I don't get the feeling this is so reading from the posts), it would be best to have a babysitter and/or encourage your child to be semi-independent in your living area while you recover.

Even though you were sick when you changed the pick-up time, when custody issue is involved, many behaviors can be used in the family court for custody hearing. For example, you may want the court to modify child support for an increase, or he may want to modify for a decrease. Your ex may argue he would like more physical custody such as more custody days even if the ulterior motive was to lower child support to you (eg alleging how you don't have sufficient support to care for the child, physically not sufficiently fit, and have had him take over ......... Similarly, you may argue about him calling you last minute about having to work late and cannot pick up the child, etc but he May say he has a (steady) motherly figure "girlfriend" who can readily step in to do the pick-up, provide meals and put your kid to bed ). Even if his argument would work very well in court, it is just an extra thing he can mention in court. The less he has to say, about what he is bothered by you, in court the better. The court looks at what is in the best interests of the child such as stability of a home environment; even though your home may be more stable for your child than his but it may not Be evident on papers when your ex can document otherwise. I have seen a father with a girlfriend/wife who has full custody of his kids with the ex wife having visitation and weekend custody. I have also seen a successful working mother whose ex won full physical and legal custody - perhaps there are exigent circumstances. But the bottom line is, nowadays, the court does not favor a mother over a dad - it is all about the child's best interest and a stable home for the child.

It is hard on family life with a new job. Please hang in there. I wish you and your daughter a very Christmas!