Nasssitic dad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Here.

Today I am thankful that the mean people on this thread I don't know and are not "friends" with.

I post on DCUM looking for possible 1 other person that can understand how I'm feeling. Turns out I just get haters. Why DCUM, Why?? I just don't understand.

Anyhoo - This holiday season I vow to only live in the moment (except plan what gifts to buy my daughter for x-mas). And I've learned that the only way to deal with her dad is to create boundaries. And I will have to create them.

Yada, yada, yada. OP, if you are going to use a word, you should spell it correctly.

Why why why can't people be nice on thanksgiving???

Fuck you above asshole. You have no clue. May you see that you are the part of humanity that suck. I'm guessing you are not happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel your pain. Dealing with a narcissistic ex really sucks, especially when it comes to your child becoming a second, third or even fourth priority to the ex.

Ignore the haters. I think the holidays (family/alcohol/travel) can bring out the worst in folks.

Focus on gratitude if you can. At least your ex is in your child's life. While that makes it tougher for you right now, it will pay dividends in the future for your child.

Thank you!!! Yes, I'm grateful for a lot. And you are right, at least he is around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Here.

Today I am thankful that the mean people on this thread I don't know and are not "friends" with.

I post on DCUM looking for possible 1 other person that can understand how I'm feeling. Turns out I just get haters. Why DCUM, Why?? I just don't understand.

Anyhoo - This holiday season I vow to only live in the moment (except plan what gifts to buy my daughter for x-mas). And I've learned that the only way to deal with her dad is to create boundaries. And I will have to create them.

Yada, yada, yada. OP, if you are going to use a word, you should spell it correctly.

Why why why can't people be nice on thanksgiving???

Fuck you above asshole. You have no clue. May you see that you are the part of humanity that suck. I'm guessing you are not happy.

NP here, you don't sound happy at all. You sound unhinged.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I wish for the peeps that are mean to suffer the kinds of losses that I've had, (divorce, infertility, moving, being laid off, then moving again).

When the world turns on you unexpectedly/ then you get to judge me. I am a good person. Why peeps have to be so mean I'll never understand.

Thank god im stronger that you haters think.

[Anonymous]

OP - You owe it to yourself to get a bit of professional assistance to learn how to look forward to build a life for yourself on your own terms as this will benefit your daughter in the long-term. If you can find ways to be involved in pursuits that you enjoy and maybe try something completely new in time you will meet others to enrich your life. Holidays must certainly be hard so is there a chance that you can go and visit a family member or an old friend in the time when you do not have your daughter to counter the loneliness that you feel? The Women's Center in Virginia has a sliding fee scale and also various support groups which might help in your process of moving on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I wish for the peeps that are mean to suffer the kinds of losses that I've had, (divorce, infertility, moving, being laid off, then moving again).

When the world turns on you unexpectedly/ then you get to judge me. I am a good person. Why peeps have to be so mean I'll never understand.

Thank god im stronger that you haters think.

I am genuinely curious why you feel entitled to support?

p.s. strong people don't curse other people, OP. You wish for bad things to befall others? Wow.

Sorry your life sucks, but there's something about your demeanor in this thread that's really off-putting and makes it hard to be sympathetic.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, I deal with a narcissistic MIL and it's AWFUL. I don't know what to tell you except to AVOID as much as possible.

[Anonymous]

Hello OP,

I am very sorry to hear of your struggles. Yes, the lost of a nuclear family is very depressing especially during holidays. Also, the familiarity of having a partner there even though a lousy one , can play tricks to make us wonder perhaps to settle for much less (eg whatever emotional crumbs the absentee partner is willing to give is better than none). There is also adjustment in social settings. Sometimes, it can feel a bit awkward with non-single-parents during playdate for kids. If you are used to have couples as friends, there is a period of adjustment too on this. Most of all, the most adjustment is how your daughter is feeling about the separation from ex - it takes a lot of talking to understand kid's feelings. No doubt, the kid will be sad, nostalgic of the nuclear family life, and may even wonder if it was her fault. It takes time and efforts to make sure the kid's feelings are healing properly.

If your ex is narcissistic, he may also not be a good or reliable father eapecially reading that he is not hands-on with your daughter and keeps farming out his responsibilities to others such as his girlfriend with the precious visitation time he can have with your daughter. If this is so, it is a blessing in disguise if he disappears from her and your life. In the longrun, a child is better off having a single, reliable parent instead of an extra one who comes and go at his wimp. In my humble opinion, a father who shows up only when he feels like it will do more damage to a child's emotional health than not having him in the life. Also, the upsets you feel as a mother and person from Ex's narcissistic behaviors will affect yours and daughter's happiness. Don't let him continue to steal your joy.

I am a single mom here for almost 10 years for two kids without any financial or physical support from the other absentee parent - the absence has turned out to be a blessing. It is hard for a kid to constantly be subjected to emotional let-down eg why didn't daddy want to meet or show up today etc. With an unreliable ex, this is what us custodial parents will see our children suffer.

Yes, the classic story of the NCP dropping out completely of the kid's life happens, like mine too. Most times and in the beginning, it may feel appealing to have whatever attention the NCP can spare for the child. But I notice overall and in the longrun, the emotional upheavals both mother and child have to go through are so damaging it is not worth it. A parent should love and accept a child wholeheartedly rather than "I love you a bit or care a bit", or "I am around when I have time." Being a parent is a full-time job where the NCP must be willing to commit emotionally full-time even if he is not able to be physically there full-time, otherwise, it will be a constant a letdown for the child and mother suffering seeing the child is emotionally hurt again.

Having things we enjoy doing (eg exercise, Good friends, healthy hobbies etc) with the little time there is being a single mother can help a great deal. Life will get better each day and year. Please remember to celebrate all victories even if it seems partial or insignificant. Please remember to take life an hour or a day at a time.

I wish you and your daughter all the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello OP,

I am very sorry to hear of your struggles. Yes, the lost of a nuclear family is very depressing especially during holidays. Also, the familiarity of having a partner there even though a lousy one , can play tricks to make us wonder perhaps to settle for much less (eg whatever emotional crumbs the absentee partner is willing to give is better than none). There is also adjustment in social settings. Sometimes, it can feel a bit awkward with non-single-parents during playdate for kids. If you are used to have couples as friends, there is a period of adjustment too on this. Most of all, the most adjustment is how your daughter is feeling about the separation from ex - it takes a lot of talking to understand kid's feelings. No doubt, the kid will be sad, nostalgic of the nuclear family life, and may even wonder if it was her fault. It takes time and efforts to make sure the kid's feelings are healing properly.

If your ex is narcissistic, he may also not be a good or reliable father eapecially reading that he is not hands-on with your daughter and keeps farming out his responsibilities to others such as his girlfriend with the precious visitation time he can have with your daughter. If this is so, it is a blessing in disguise if he disappears from her and your life. In the longrun, a child is better off having a single, reliable parent instead of an extra one who comes and go at his wimp. In my humble opinion, a father who shows up only when he feels like it will do more damage to a child's emotional health than not having him in the life. Also, the upsets you feel as a mother and person from Ex's narcissistic behaviors will affect yours and daughter's happiness. Don't let him continue to steal your joy.

I am a single mom here for almost 10 years for two kids without any financial or physical support from the other absentee parent - the absence has turned out to be a blessing. It is hard for a kid to constantly be subjected to emotional let-down eg why didn't daddy want to meet or show up today etc. With an unreliable ex, this is what us custodial parents will see our children suffer.

Yes, the classic story of the NCP dropping out completely of the kid's life happens, like mine too. Most times and in the beginning, it may feel appealing to have whatever attention the NCP can spare for the child. But I notice overall and in the longrun, the emotional upheavals both mother and child have to go through are so damaging it is not worth it. A parent should love and accept a child wholeheartedly rather than "I love you a bit or care a bit", or "I am around when I have time." Being a parent is a full-time job where the NCP must be willing to commit emotionally full-time even if he is not able to be physically there full-time, otherwise, it will be a constant a letdown for the child and mother suffering seeing the child is emotionally hurt again.

Having things we enjoy doing (eg exercise, Good friends, healthy hobbies etc) with the little time there is being a single mother can help a great deal. Life will get better each day and year. Please remember to celebrate all victories even if it seems partial or insignificant. Please remember to take life an hour or a day at a time.

I wish you and your daughter all the best.

Thank you, thank you thank you for this! This sums it all up. And yes, I'm still a work in progress. And I did find a support group that I will start next Wednesday. Step by step I'm moving on.

[Anonymous]

Op Here - Just a little window on the person I have to co--parent with.

I started a new job 6 weeks ago. Stressful job but pays good and thankfully I have a boss who understands what its like to be a single mom.

That said, I took my girl to NYC for thanksgiving weekend and she told me "You are better than toys r us!" Woot woot!

I finally get a bit of me time as she goes to her Dad's place on Wednesday. I got a cold.And it got worse. And worse. But I had a concert I had paid for months ago so I went last night. I'm so glad I did. However, I am still sick.

I woke up even more sick. I was due to get my daughter at 10:30am but I absolutely needed more rest to be able to do the GOTR 5k tomorrow morning with her.

I told him that and went back to bed. No sooner did I get chastized to do better and that I ruined his saturday plans.

Waaa! I've been flexible for that asshole for years and years and years, making sure everyone else was ok except for myself. He now needs to learn to be flexible. I don't plan to get sick.

Fact - starting a new job is stressful, trying to kick ass and still be an attentive mom as well. It's hard. And the stress showed up in my getting a nasty nasty cold.

Maybe I should've not gone to the concert last night. But it had been on my wish list for years so I pushed it and went. Maybe a poor choice.

However, when I see my daughter this afternoon, I think she will understand. I don't care what her dad thinks and I'm NOT going to let it ruin my day of selfcare.

He can suck it. I don't have a live in babysitter to help me out when I'm sick. I just don't. Hello co-parenting.

"You need to do better". No shit sherlock dad. Captain obvious is aware too. Fact - Change takes time for me to settle into. And that's what's happening now. And boy, he doesn't like it. It eeks into his precious me time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I wish for the peeps that are mean to suffer the kinds of losses that I've had, (divorce, infertility, moving, being laid off, then moving again).

When the world turns on you unexpectedly/ then you get to judge me. I am a good person. Why peeps have to be so mean I'll never understand.

Thank god im stronger that you haters think.

I am genuinely curious why you feel entitled to support?

p.s. strong people don't curse other people, OP. You wish for bad things to befall others? Wow.

Sorry your life sucks, but there's something about your demeanor in this thread that's really off-putting and makes it hard to be sympathetic.

Because I just don't understand why DCUM people have to be so mean. I really don't. I post because at that moment in time I feel lost and alone. So I reach out. And its nice to feel support from others that get it. It's the ones the don't get it that feel the need to be mean. And I don't like it. I don't actively seek out meanness.

Kindness matters. It does it this world of "happy" nuclear families.

Fact - I know I'm not alone in the way holidays affect people that don't have a lot of others to lean on. I simply put a voice to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op Here - Just a little window on the person I have to co--parent with.

I started a new job 6 weeks ago. Stressful job but pays good and thankfully I have a boss who understands what its like to be a single mom.

That said, I took my girl to NYC for thanksgiving weekend and she told me "You are better than toys r us!" Woot woot!

I finally get a bit of me time as she goes to her Dad's place on Wednesday. I got a cold.And it got worse. And worse. But I had a concert I had paid for months ago so I went last night. I'm so glad I did. However, I am still sick.

I woke up even more sick. I was due to get my daughter at 10:30am but I absolutely needed more rest to be able to do the GOTR 5k tomorrow morning with her.

I told him that and went back to bed. No sooner did I get chastized to do better and that I ruined his saturday plans.

Waaa! I've been flexible for that asshole for years and years and years, making sure everyone else was ok except for myself. He now needs to learn to be flexible. I don't plan to get sick.

Fact - starting a new job is stressful, trying to kick ass and still be an attentive mom as well. It's hard. And the stress showed up in my getting a nasty nasty cold.

Maybe I should've not gone to the concert last night. But it had been on my wish list for years so I pushed it and went. Maybe a poor choice.

However, when I see my daughter this afternoon, I think she will understand. I don't care what her dad thinks and I'm NOT going to let it ruin my day of selfcare.

He can suck it. I don't have a live in babysitter to help me out when I'm sick. I just don't. Hello co-parenting.

"You need to do better". No shit sherlock dad. Captain obvious is aware too. Fact - Change takes time for me to settle into. And that's what's happening now. And boy, he doesn't like it. It eeks into his precious me time.

Actually this tells me far more about you than it does about him.

[Anonymous]

You at very welcome! Awesome news, OP. Please keep us updated.

[Anonymous]

Please spell. Set an example for your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hello OP,

I am very sorry to hear of your struggles. Yes, the lost of a nuclear family is very depressing especially during holidays. Also, the familiarity of having a partner there even though a lousy one , can play tricks to make us wonder perhaps to settle for much less (eg whatever emotional crumbs the absentee partner is willing to give is better than none). There is also adjustment in social settings. Sometimes, it can feel a bit awkward with non-single-parents during playdate for kids. If you are used to have couples as friends, there is a period of adjustment too on this. Most of all, the most adjustment is how your daughter is feeling about the separation from ex - it takes a lot of talking to understand kid's feelings. No doubt, the kid will be sad, nostalgic of the nuclear family life, and may even wonder if it was her fault. It takes time and efforts to make sure the kid's feelings are healing properly.

If your ex is narcissistic, he may also not be a good or reliable father eapecially reading that he is not hands-on with your daughter and keeps farming out his responsibilities to others such as his girlfriend with the precious visitation time he can have with your daughter. If this is so, it is a blessing in disguise if he disappears from her and your life. In the longrun, a child is better off having a single, reliable parent instead of an extra one who comes and go at his wimp. In my humble opinion, a father who shows up only when he feels like it will do more damage to a child's emotional health than not having him in the life. Also, the upsets you feel as a mother and person from Ex's narcissistic behaviors will affect yours and daughter's happiness. Don't let him continue to steal your joy.

I am a single mom here for almost 10 years for two kids without any financial or physical support from the other absentee parent - the absence has turned out to be a blessing. It is hard for a kid to constantly be subjected to emotional let-down eg why didn't daddy want to meet or show up today etc. With an unreliable ex, this is what us custodial parents will see our children suffer.

Yes, the classic story of the NCP dropping out completely of the kid's life happens, like mine too. Most times and in the beginning, it may feel appealing to have whatever attention the NCP can spare for the child. But I notice overall and in the longrun, the emotional upheavals both mother and child have to go through are so damaging it is not worth it. A parent should love and accept a child wholeheartedly rather than "I love you a bit or care a bit", or "I am around when I have time." Being a parent is a full-time job where the NCP must be willing to commit emotionally full-time even if he is not able to be physically there full-time, otherwise, it will be a constant a letdown for the child and mother suffering seeing the child is emotionally hurt again.

Having things we enjoy doing (eg exercise, Good friends, healthy hobbies etc) with the little time there is being a single mother can help a great deal. Life will get better each day and year. Please remember to celebrate all victories even if it seems partial or insignificant. Please remember to take life an hour or a day at a time.

I wish you and your daughter all the best.

Thank you, thank you thank you for this! This sums it all up. And yes, I'm still a work in progress. And I did find a support group that I will start next Wednesday. Step by step I'm moving on.

You are very welcome, OP. Please keep us posted.