What are some things people do unknowingly that make them seem elitist?

[Anonymous]

My family of origin has basically told me that they don't like my husband (of 10 years) because he is elitist and that I have changed too. We have grown more and more distant over the years. When I ask them for examples of how we are elitist, they can't seem to give any. SO, DCUM in your infinite wisdom, what am I probably doing that seems elitist to them, but isn't immediately obvious to me? FWIW, we are not wealthy by DCUM standards. I am well aware that I am far too politically liberal for my family's taste, but I am already aware of that and careful not to discuss it with them, even though they have no issue spouting their political views to me. What could be some non-political things we could be doing??

[Anonymous]

It could be anything OP. What ethnicity are they?

[Anonymous]

It may be nonverbal, like body language.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend that I call an elitist because she looks down on anyone that eats in a chain restaurant. So annoying!! Why am I trash because I like a particular restaurants biscuits??

[Anonymous]

OP here. We are all white.

[Anonymous]

OP again. I meant to add that they don't like in DC, but a southern conservative mid sized city.

[Anonymous]

**live in DC*** (not like in DC, although they don't like it either.)

[Anonymous]

Probably simple lifestyle choices. Car / house / neighborhood / social media profiles may strike them as elitist. There isn't much you can do. Does your husband come from a different socio-economic class, or appear to?

[Anonymous]

Almost certainly its because your life is not following their life path. They're insecure about it. Let me guess: you went to college, established a career, got married, planned when you'd have children, life in a wealthier part of the country than they do, take what they would consider extravagant vacations, eat "le-de-da" food.....


am I getting close?

My DH has gone through this. It's jealousy. They're lashing out that you made something of your life, tearing down your success so they can feel better about your failures. (I deal with this on a smaller level with my own mom)

[Anonymous]

- always being busy, or "too busy" to get together, call, etc
- having special food restrictions that haven't been medically confirmed
- paying attention to current events, world affairs, etc can be considered "elitist" to a lot of people
- the kinds of television shows you guys watch (or don't watch)
- ditto for movies

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are all white.

When you said family of origin I thought you meant they were from somewhere else. Anyhow, there are 2 things it could be:

1) You do make comments or body language that is snobby/arrogant and you don't know it.

2) (And this is what I suspect it is) They are looking for actions from you that they perceive to be snobby. In other words, they feel insecure about you and your life and interpret this feeling as arrogance coming from you. This is so often the case with people.

[Anonymous]

Yes, my husband did not grow up wealthy, but his family had more money than we did and his parents are retired quite comfortably.

We have a nice house by DC standards, but its a pretty regular house by normal standards. Other than the fact that we like to travel and we rented out our previous house instead of selling it, I feel like we are pretty normal.

My mom said that my husband places too much value on financial security. What does THAT mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my husband did not grow up wealthy, but his family had more money than we did and his parents are retired quite comfortably.

We have a nice house by DC standards, but its a pretty regular house by normal standards. Other than the fact that we like to travel and we rented out our previous house instead of selling it, I feel like we are pretty normal.

My mom said that my husband places too much value on financial security. What does THAT mean?

Means your mom is jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Almost certainly its because your life is not following their life path. They're insecure about it. Let me guess: you went to college, established a career, got married, planned when you'd have children, life in a wealthier part of the country than they do, take what they would consider extravagant vacations, eat "le-de-da" food.....


am I getting close?

My DH has gone through this. It's jealousy. They're lashing out that you made something of your life, tearing down your success so they can feel better about your failures. (I deal with this on a smaller level with my own mom)

The bold is definitely true. My mom keeps asking/insinuating that I am not happy, despite me telling her repeatedly that I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Almost certainly its because your life is not following their life path. They're insecure about it. Let me guess: you went to college, established a career, got married, planned when you'd have children, life in a wealthier part of the country than they do, take what they would consider extravagant vacations, eat "le-de-da" food.....


am I getting close?

My DH has gone through this. It's jealousy. They're lashing out that you made something of your life, tearing down your success so they can feel better about your failures. (I deal with this on a smaller level with my own mom)

gh, there's a typo here, Sorry (I wrote the above post). It should read: "They're lashing out that you made something of your life, tearing down your success so they can feel better about their failures.