Husband not consulting me on in-law decisions

[Anonymous]

This has happened throughout our marriage but this year, I've either seen an uptick or the decisions have gone from minor and not annoying to moderate and annoying.

Recent examples: To maintain his license to practice in the DMV, they registered as living at our address. As a result, they got our parking stickers and I got a ticket. He fixed that but now I get dozens of catalogs each week. We don't get the mail daily b/c we can't deal with it daily. In our old life, we just got it on the weekend and rarely was it too much to fit in the box.

Second, and I just figured this one out last night, he gave them access to our netflix account. netflix has been blocking me "randomly" for months. JUST last night I figured out why. I asked DH to fix it, he refused, so I did. My FIL was defending his use of our account and I just politely told him to stop and had to tell him a few times.

I'm so pissed at being put in this position. He tells them yes on things, then tells me, and when I object, he gets mad at me. It's pissing me off and I'm not sure how to talk to him about it.

Any positive ways to address this? BTW: He's going to be pissed that I told them to stop using netflix but I have a chronic health condition and have surgery scheduled for Friday. I need my passive entertainment working fine and frankly, he needs the second access point to entertain the kids.

Rant over, positive words requested.

[Anonymous]

FIL is still giving me "it's not my fault you can't access netflix" shit.
They are both only children. WOnder if birth order has something to do with it.

[Anonymous]

You need counseling if your husband won't listen to you.

Change the password on Netflix.

It is illegal for them to use your address to get a drivers license. Do either of you work in government or law?

[Anonymous]

You need to sit him down at a moment when you are both calm, and tell him he cannot put his parents before his wife anymore. That marriage is the creation of a new family, whose loyalties supersede the old one. That if he continues, you will divorce him, because he lacks respect for you.

FIL should not be using your Netflix. The in-laws should not be using your address for anything. The address thing needs to be fixed. You can't handle this AND maintain your health if you are already dealing with a chronic ailment and the stress of daily life.

[Anonymous]

These are such minor things, I'd try to get over it, OP. Ask them nicely to cancel their magazine subscriptions or get a bigger box (sounds like you might have a PO box?). Buy them their own Netflix as a birthday or Christmas present. These are tiny, nitpicky things in the grand scheme of it and it's hardly like this is such a huge inconvenience for you.

[Anonymous]

Isn't it just $2 to upgrade Netflix to 4 logins?

[Anonymous]

You can't handle the mail on a daily basis?? Just recycle the catalogs or put their name with your address on the no catalogs list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These are such minor things, I'd try to get over it, OP. Ask them nicely to cancel their magazine subscriptions or get a bigger box (sounds like you might have a PO box?). Buy them their own Netflix as a birthday or Christmas present. These are tiny, nitpicky things in the grand scheme of it and it's hardly like this is such a huge inconvenience for you.

I agree that these particular things are minor, but they could be indicators of a pattern that could lead to things that truly matter downstream. OP and her DH do really need to sit down and calmly talk as another PP suggested. It's great that he loves and cares for his aging parents, but when things impact your nuclear family then IMO both partners need to be in on the decision.

[Anonymous]

Tiny point: for about $3 more per month you can have 5 Netflix users at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These are such minor things, I'd try to get over it, OP. Ask them nicely to cancel their magazine subscriptions or get a bigger box (sounds like you might have a PO box?). Buy them their own Netflix as a birthday or Christmas present. These are tiny, nitpicky things in the grand scheme of it and it's hardly like this is such a huge inconvenience for you.

mailbox is stuck to the outside wall of house.
We DID give them a gift subscription, 6 months, of netflix.
BTW: They are well off.

[Anonymous]

OP:

Forgot to mention, they are not really "aging". ONe is 59 and the other 61. They had my DH very young (as did mine).

She stays at home and he is a professional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn't it just $2 to upgrade Netflix to 4 logins?

Pretty sure that's what we have because both kids use it at school.

But unless they are having money troubles its not unreasonable to ask then to get their own Netflix account.

[Anonymous]

Your in laws aren't poor but they're acting poor. Tell your husband to cut the cord already.

There is no way I'd agree to all that crap. And I love my in laws.

[Anonymous]

Work it out with your husband. Why waste our time with this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Work it out with your husband. Why waste our time with this?

Forgot to take your pills today?