Husband not consulting me on in-law decisions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These are such minor things, I'd try to get over it, OP. Ask them nicely to cancel their magazine subscriptions or get a bigger box (sounds like you might have a PO box?). Buy them their own Netflix as a birthday or Christmas present. These are tiny, nitpicky things in the grand scheme of it and it's hardly like this is such a huge inconvenience for you.

mailbox is stuck to the outside wall of house.
We DID give them a gift subscription, 6 months, of netflix.
BTW: They are well off.

Getting mail daily and putting it. In the recycle bin takes thirty seconds a day. If that it too onerous, there are deeper issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tiny point: for about $3 more per month you can have 5 Netflix users at the same time.

Why can't the OP's in laws get their own account? Her husband can gift it to them for a year or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't handle the mail on a daily basis?? Just recycle the catalogs or put their name with your address on the no catalogs list.

Sorry to hijack, but what is the "no catalogues list?" We just
Moved and receive a ton of the previous owners catalogues. Turns out it has been super time consuming to cancel over the phone by individual catalogue

[Anonymous]

OP has bigger issues. This is some incredibly petty stuff.

[Anonymous]

Oh, c'mon. This stuff is annoying, and OP shouldn't have to be dealing with it.

DH and I had one instance like this happen, and through the ensuing discussion and bit of awkwardness about the ILs, he learned to discuss with me first before offering or saying yes to any logistical consideration with the ILs, just as I had always done with regard to my parents.

[Anonymous]

These may be individually petty things, but if I read it right, the husband is giving his parents access to things without talking to his wife beforehand. That is not cool. He needs to run these kind of things by her.

Personally, I'd be pissed if my husband kept doing this, especially if I had already voiced an objection. I'd put a forwarding order for my in-laws' mail so it gets sent back to their house automatically. I'd change the Netflix password. If you want me to cooperate, you need to tell me before you unilaterally make these decisions.

[Anonymous]

You're petty too, PP. They're family. It's not like the husband gave them a key and said move on in, or help yourself to our bank account, or to go ahead and use the wife's sex toys. It's just extraordinarily minor, remote stuff here.

[Anonymous]

Are we talking about a medical or legal license to practice?! He should be disbarred/licensed revoked for that kind of fraud!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're petty too, PP. They're family. It's not like the husband gave them a key and said move on in, or help yourself to our bank account, or to go ahead and use the wife's sex toys. It's just extraordinarily minor, remote stuff here.

Except that by giving his parents the login to their family's Netflix account, he is preventing OP from using that account. It's minor, but if that happened to me when I was recovering from surgery (or even if I just wanted to watch a few episodes of SVU when DH works late), I'd be pretty annoyed, while also recognizing that in the grander scheme of things, it's not a major offense.

[Anonymous]

Your in-laws are fraudsters and/or have creditors chasing them--possibly arrest warrants too. That's the only conceivable reason for them using your address as theirs. You can't control them, but unfortunately, it sounds like your husband is a participant in whatever fraudulent activity they are involved in. No easy answer to this one, I would suggest you consult, on your own, with an attorney, about what if anything you need to do to protect yourself from being drawn into whatever your husband and his parents are up to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These may be individually petty things, but if I read it right, the husband is giving his parents access to things without talking to his wife beforehand. That is not cool. He needs to run these kind of things by her.

Personally, I'd be pissed if my husband kept doing this, especially if I had already voiced an objection. I'd put a forwarding order for my in-laws' mail so it gets sent back to their house automatically. I'd change the Netflix password. If you want me to cooperate, you need to tell me before you unilaterally make these decisions.

+1

The netflix thing is so strange to me. How cheap can he be?
I would have issues with DH disregarding my opinions and feelings. I would try talking to him about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your in-laws are fraudsters and/or have creditors chasing them--possibly arrest warrants too. That's the only conceivable reason for them using your address as theirs. You can't control them, but unfortunately, it sounds like your husband is a participant in whatever fraudulent activity they are involved in. No easy answer to this one, I would suggest you consult, on your own, with an attorney, about what if anything you need to do to protect yourself from being drawn into whatever your husband and his parents are up to.

You're reeeeaaaally reaching here, pp.

[Anonymous]

OP again:

If these were the only two times it happened, I might be petty but there are the examples from this year.

No, sorting mail does not take me 30 seconds when I getting dinner on the table for two kids afterschool and work.

They are law abiding and wealthy but don't want an online foodprint. Not sure why. Yes, using our address in the case is fraud and I have no idea how that's justified in their minds.

My point is that it has inconvenienced me but more importantly had legal consequences for me (parking ticket).

But the big huge point, and what I'd like advice on (other than be calm) is how to point out that :
1. they don't see unforesee circumstances (ticket, can't use netfix
2. they make these decisions without consulting me.

and, they do have a key to my house but they live 4 hours away so I'm ok with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has happened throughout our marriage but this year, I've either seen an uptick or the decisions have gone from minor and not annoying to moderate and annoying.

Recent examples: To maintain his license to practice in the DMV, they registered as living at our address. As a result, they got our parking stickers and I got a ticket. He fixed that but now I get dozens of catalogs each week. We don't get the mail daily b/c we can't deal with it daily. In our old life, we just got it on the weekend and rarely was it too much to fit in the box.

Second, and I just figured this one out last night, he gave them access to our netflix account. netflix has been blocking me "randomly" for months. JUST last night I figured out why. I asked DH to fix it, he refused, so I did. My FIL was defending his use of our account and I just politely told him to stop and had to tell him a few times.

I'm so pissed at being put in this position. He tells them yes on things, then tells me, and when I object, he gets mad at me. It's pissing me off and I'm not sure how to talk to him about it.

Any positive ways to address this? BTW: He's going to be pissed that I told them to stop using netflix but I have a chronic health condition and have surgery scheduled for Friday. I need my passive entertainment working fine and frankly, he needs the second access point to entertain the kids.

Rant over, positive words requested.

1. Using your address is probably fraud of some sort. Now if you really want to play hardball you can threaten to report them but be prepared to lose your marriage as a result.
2. Parking tickets -- if it's for them, oh well, don't worry about it.
3. Catalogues -- really it takes more than 30 seconds to toss them? I have kids too and it takes me 5 minutes at most to sort through the mail into "toss it" and "keep it" piles.
4. Netflix -- if they can't use their own or an expanded Netflix there is some issue they have going on.

[Anonymous]

I really like the PP's idea of submitting a forwarding address form for their mail coming to your house.

That's brilliant.