How long married? Not how long you have been together. They are different.

[Anonymous]

Why is it that when some people are asked how long they have been married, they state something like this " married five years but have been together for 10 years".

Nobody asked how long you have been together in an unofficial capacity.
Seems these people are playing some sort of game, like they are trying to make it seem they have been married longer.
It is not a contest.
I asked how long you have been MARRIED. Not uncommitted dating.

We have friends who got married years after us, yet they brag that they have been "together" since high school. Uhm, well you broke up for years and dated others, nice try though.

[Anonymous]

Being married is not the same as being together. If you wanted extra credit, you should have married earlier.

[Anonymous]

Hmm it sounds like you're making it a contest with those friends. If their revisionist relationship mythology bothers you, maybe you shouldn't hang out.

For the larger question, it provides context for how long they've been sharing lives, particularly if they were living together for those years before marriage. There was a much bigger difference between life before living together and after than before and after marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being married is not the same as being together. If you wanted extra credit, you should have married earlier.

-1! Having experienced bad relationships, I disagree because it took six years to trust DH enough to marry him. We have been married 20 years.

[Anonymous]

I think you may be thinking of me? In the Angie and Brad thread?

I answer that DH and I have been together 11 years though married six because that's very different than someone who's been married six years but met their spouse three months prior. There's a different base there.

[Anonymous]

It wasnt legal for me to marry my wife until 2 years ago (or three-yipes!) so when I say we've been together for 13 years it provides some context. We aren't newlyweds, we've been together and committed for a long time.

[Anonymous]

You sound like my 4 year old...everything is a competition (usually fueled by some insecurity).

DH and I have been married 17 years, but we've been together for 22 years. We moved in together within months of meeting each other. We never broke up. Is that good enough for you, OP?

I'm one of those people who answer this way. I do it to indicate that we've essentially grown up together (met in college).

In response, people often answer the same way.

What's the big deal? And why on earth does this bother you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It wasnt legal for me to marry my wife until 2 years ago (or three-yipes!) so when I say we've been together for 13 years it provides some context. We aren't newlyweds, we've been together and committed for a long time.

Mazel tov!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being married is not the same as being together. If you wanted extra credit, you should have married earlier.

-1! Having experienced bad relationships, I disagree because it took six years to trust DH enough to marry him. We have been married 20 years.

Right? DH and I have been in married almost 10 but were not just together, but living together after the first year, for 5 years prior. Part of why we weren't married is that my ex, although we had been apart well over a year, dragged his ass on the divorce. DH and I did break up once. For a weekend. Does that mean we have to restart the clock?

[Anonymous]

I agree that it's strange to tack on how long you've been together as a couple when asked how long you've been married. But it's even stranger that this bothers you so much. Who cares? Why is everyone in this area so crazy competitive and immature?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like my 4 year old...everything is a competition (usually fueled by some insecurity).

DH and I have been married 17 years, but we've been together for 22 years. We moved in together within months of meeting each other. We never broke up. Is that good enough for you, OP?

I'm one of those people who answer this way. I do it to indicate that we've essentially grown up together (met in college).

In response, people often answer the same way.

What's the big deal? And why on earth does this bother you?

Why are you so insecure that you have to indicate how long you have been together? Just answer the question asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being married is not the same as being together. If you wanted extra credit, you should have married earlier.

-1! Having experienced bad relationships, I disagree because it took six years to trust DH enough to marry him. We have been married 20 years.

Right? DH and I have been in married almost 10 but were not just together, but living together after the first year, for 5 years prior. Part of why we weren't married is that my ex, although we had been apart well over a year, dragged his ass on the divorce. DH and I did break up once. For a weekend. Does that mean we have to restart the clock?

No because the clock starts once you marry.

[Anonymous]

We lived together and had a kid before getting married.
That's why I often mention how long we were together. We were not HS sweethearts, but adults living together and doing adult stuff (mortgages, kids, moving countries) before we got married.
Who cares?

[Anonymous]

I roll my eyes at people who count how long theyve been together in response to this question. Unless you've been gay and could t marry, it's really immature sounding.

[Anonymous]

I have been married for 8 years, together for 12 and my child is 38 months.

Now you have some math to really complain about