How long married? Not how long you have been together. They are different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is it that when some people are asked how long they have been married, they state something like this " married five years but have been together for 10 years".

Nobody asked how long you have been together in an unofficial capacity.
Seems these people are playing some sort of game, like they are trying to make it seem they have been married longer.
It is not a contest.
I asked how long you have been MARRIED. Not uncommitted dating.

We have friends who got married years after us, yet they brag that they have been "together" since high school. Uhm, well you broke up for years and dated others, nice try though.

You are a total loser.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a lot of ladies here are still desperately hoping to be asked. Someday. Maybe

[Anonymous]

I agree with you, op. I never really thought about it until this thread, but I do find myself internally eye-rolling when I get that sort of an answer. Especially because to me, marrying means intent to stay committed for the rest of one's life. Opposed to those e.g. 4 years the couple was "together" before marrying, at least some of which was clearly time before that level of commitment. If I want to know how long one has known his/her spouse, or how they met, then I'd ask those questions.

[Anonymous]

Why do you ask such questions, PP? Are you trying to make sure you don't associate with those living in sin, the divorced, the married but cheating, etc? What about unhappily married people? People who you think married too young? People who were together too long before marrying? Do they all get the eye roll?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you, op. I never really thought about it until this thread, but I do find myself internally eye-rolling when I get that sort of an answer. Especially because to me, marrying means intent to stay committed for the rest of one's life. Opposed to those e.g. 4 years the couple was "together" before marrying, at least some of which was clearly time before that level of commitment. If I want to know how long one has known his/her spouse, or how they met, then I'd ask those questions.

I hate this too, but I realize it's my own hangup stemming from the fact my mum used to say this as if she and my father weren't divorced 6 years before reconciling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you ask such questions, PP? Are you trying to make sure you don't associate with those living in sin, the divorced, the married but cheating, etc? What about unhappily married people? People who you think married too young? People who were together too long before marrying? Do they all get the eye roll?

Not PP, but some couples give off a vibe like they have a cute or interesting how we met/got together story. I don't ask , and tend to let people tell me what they wish, just pointing out the curiosity may not be based in judgment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have time to fret about this, you're probably a loser.

It means I live a life of luxury and get to be a SAHM.

Then focus on your kids. Don't worry so much about what other people are doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you, op. I never really thought about it until this thread, but I do find myself internally eye-rolling when I get that sort of an answer. Especially because to me, marrying means intent to stay committed for the rest of one's life. Opposed to those e.g. 4 years the couple was "together" before marrying, at least some of which was clearly time before that level of commitment. If I want to know how long one has known his/her spouse, or how they met, then I'd ask those questions.

The world is not so black and white. I've been married 1 year, but have been in a momogamous 17year relationship together. Two kids, two homes, one savings account. Our commitment has outlasted nearly half of our married and now divorced friends.

The only reason we got married is when we went to plan our estate and wills. It is much easier to handle these things while married. Our getting married is simply a legal transaction. The lifelong commitment happened in our heart many years ago.

[Anonymous]

I've been married to my husband for 15 years but we've been together for 24.

Lived together, bought a house and were a team long before we married. I think that the fact that we had a long history together before marriage was more of a factor during the early years of our marriage. Saying "We've been married for a year" would indicate a short duration of time together but in reality we had been together for nearly a decade at that point.

[Anonymous]

up until this thread, this was not something i would waste a second thinking about. I dont care either way.

[Anonymous]

I think people are trying to give you context for how long they have known each other and been committed. I mean, the commitment doesn't start the minute you say I Do, it has to come long before that to even get to the I Do part.

They also may be opening the door to more conversation. Like we've been together for 12 years, though. We met chopping down cherry trees! or some other interesting small talk tidbit.

But, a better question would be, why do you GAF?

[Anonymous]

Also, some people who are longterm committed never marry and some people get married and divorced within 76 days. You don't get to decide arbitrarily when the "now this relationship is real" marker for anyone other than yourself.

[Anonymous]

The way I recall the 4 year study, there are exceptions to it: When the couple meets young (in school), or if there is long-distance or serious illness. Absent those hurdles, when two people meet as adults, if it takes them more than 4 years to go from starting dating to getting married, it is a good statistical predictor of divorce because it means one or both of them has hesitations, either about marriage in general, or marriage to that other person.

When neither of you want to be married at all, I don't think this matters/plays in.

[Anonymous]

Married 6 years but together 22.

We would have married sooner, but it wasn't legal yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you may be thinking of me? In the Angie and Brad thread?

I answer that DH and I have been together 11 years though married six because that's very different than someone who's been married six years but met their spouse three months prior. There's a different base there.

I tend to lose respect quickly for people who date so long. They have completely different priorities and morals than I do.

Agree, if he really loves you..... He will marry you asap.

Both of you are just...ugh.

Good thing your opinion doesn't matter to me.