The "guns in the house" question for playdates

[Anonymous]

I'm a newcomer to the area, and my eight-year-old is sometimes asked over for playdates with his new friends, which is great - except that last week he informed me that a friend's teenage son had showed them the parents' (unloaded) revolver. Yikes.

It's never occurred to me to ask other parents whether they keep guns around - we moved here from a country where basically only hunters and farmers have them.

Is this something you ask parents of new friends, before you permit an unsupervised playdate?

Please no gun rights/gun bans arguing; I just want to know if the question is considered OK or impolite. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Yes, I ask. Nobody ever seems offended or takes back their invitation. Some people are surprised, but everyone answers.

We have a gun. Nobody has ever asked if we have one.

[Anonymous]

I have never asked (I grew up with guns in our house) and no one has ever asked us (our kids are 4, 6 & 8). I would not be offended if someone asked us. We do not own any guns.

[Anonymous]

My son just started K so we haven't done playdates unsupervised (yet), but I imagine I will ask. I would have no worries about the family having guns so long as they store them safely. In my experience, responsible gun owners aren't offended by questions (as long as you don't come across as saying that you'd never allow your child to be friends with their kid), and I would not feel safe having my kid over at a house where the gun owner was offended at the mere thought of keeping firearms away from children.

[Anonymous]

Gun owner here- I hope you told the parents that the teenager showed the gun off. It is absolutely not okay.

i wouldn't ask.

[Anonymous]

No one has ever asked me.

I never asked, but in K my DD came home from a play date telling me how she and her friend tried for most of the afternoon to get into the friend's dad's gun closet (with the help of the friend's older brother).

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine any gun owner that does not store them safely would truthfully say "yes, we keep guns in the house and they are not stored safely."

[Anonymous]

There is no one way the question is considered. Some get why you are asking, some are offended that you would ask, and there's people who own and who don't own guns in both categories. Some on these threads claim that they lie, which is good to know. It is one of those difficult to navigate topics and you don't know how the question will come off, so you have to decide if it's worth it to you to ask.

In your shoes I'd emphasize that you come from a culture where there are no guns in the average home. It might placate some who would otherwise be offended (gun owners or not).

[Anonymous]

I have never been asked and never asked. We have guns in the home and have educated our children about them, although as we all know there's no such thing as a "gun proof" child.

I have also never been asked about a pool, which we also have, which is much more likely to cause harm to their children. Nor have we been asked about the trampoline, pogo stick, stilts, skates, skate board, bikes, helmet rules...

I have been asked about allergens and dogs (for a child with a fear of, not an allergy of)

[Anonymous]

I plan on asking due to my husband's experience. His aunt used to watch him when he was 6-7 years old, along with another baby and his cousin. She apparently had a gun in the house no one knew about except for his cousin, who one day grabbed it and it accidentally went off and killed the baby. It is horrible to even think about, I couldn't imagine going through it as a mother. It is worth asking!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never been asked and never asked. We have guns in the home and have educated our children about them, although as we all know there's no such thing as a "gun proof" child.

I have also never been asked about a pool, which we also have, which is much more likely to cause harm to their children. Nor have we been asked about the trampoline, pogo stick, stilts, skates, skate board, bikes, helmet rules...

I have been asked about allergens and dogs (for a child with a fear of, not an allergy of)

We have a gun and a pool and a trampoline. But a mother once called me screaming because I was letting her kid and mine run through the yard holding sticks. "THEY COULD HAVE POKED AN EYE OUT! OR WORSE!"

DH and I laughed about it for weeks.

[Anonymous]

I would ask, but it would be with any other line of questions. I personally would not be offended and would gladly offer details. But I do agree that there are plenty of other things to be concerned about, its not just guns that can seriously harm a child.


Thanks for the invite for Larla to come over to play. She is so excited to see Darla. Since it will be her first time coming over to play unattended, would you mind letting me know a little bit about your household and safety routines.

Hopefully that is enough, but you could be more specific.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ask, but it would be with any other line of questions. I personally would not be offended and would gladly offer details. But I do agree that there are plenty of other things to be concerned about, its not just guns that can seriously harm a child.


Thanks for the invite for Larla to come over to play. She is so excited to see Darla. Since it will be her first time coming over to play unattended, would you mind letting me know a little bit about your household and safety routines.

Hopefully that is enough, but you could be more specific.

If you asked me that I would have no idea what to say in response. "We follow stop, drop and roll"? I would have no idea what safety routines you mean. "Flee and grab any living thing you see on your way out"? It would just make me think you're weird. Whereas if you said, "Thanks for the invite. Do you have guns? If so, how are they stored?" I'd just think you're careful and would know to say "Nope, no guns here. See Darla Thursday!"

[Anonymous]

I ask. For our first few play dates that I did not stay for, I didn't ask. Then I saw an episode of 20/20 ("Young Guns" -- you can see it online), and now I ALWAYS ask. I don't care if there are guns in the house, but I need to know that they are stored separate from ammunition and/or locked away. I have never been asked, and I would not be offended if I were asked about guns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gun owner here- I hope you told the parents that the teenager showed the gun off. It is absolutely not okay.

i wouldn't ask.

This was my first thought, too.

I've never asked, and have never been asked.

I know one friend's dad has guns and was always told they are properly stored. (Guns in a locked cabinet, ammunition stored separately.) I learned about a year ago that isn't always the case, since the Mom moved out. When I found out, and asked ds (13) he said he hadn't seen them but wasn't surprised because the dad "is an idiot."

Lovely. Luckily ds doesn't go over there much anymore.