The "guns in the house" question for playdates

[Anonymous]

Why would a parent NOT just lie about having guns in the home if they get the sense that the asker would terminate the playdate if they said yes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would a parent NOT just lie about having guns in the home if they get the sense that the asker would terminate the playdate if they said yes?

Well, gee, because if I find out they lied, I will tell every parent I know that they have guns which aren't stored safely? This isn't a grey area. Either you are responsible or you aren't, and I don't want my child to be injured or die due to your negligence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here. I've asked MB/DB what issues they want asked when one of my charges goes on a playdate, and they were completely clueless. So, I go with my list:

Do you own any weapons? You do, very nice, can I ask what you have? Oh, you have a couple knives and a bow and a gun, how do you store those? Oh, you only lock up the gun, nope, I'm sorry, Larlo can't go over to your house, but we'd love to have you come to ours or meet us at the park!

Do you have a pool, trampoline or other hazard? You have a tramp, what fun! Is it accessible to the kids when you aren't supervising? It's not, wonderful! Larla would love to spend time at your house!

Do you have pets? You have a yard full of dogs and zillions of cats? (Mental thought: where are the kids supposed to have room to play?!) Oh, they're all confined away from children during a play date. While that's not necessary as long as the animals aren't violent, given how many you have, I appreciate it.

Btw, those are actual playdate invites and the jist of the conversation. In the case of the dad with the weapons, he stored the gun correctly, but didn't even consider storing the knives anywhere other than a drawer, and the bow case was never locked.

No guns here, but this is where I keep my kitchen knives and I also have prescription medicines in the cabinet. Also, there has been more than one gun owner here who has said they would lie if asked the question because they don't like the question.

[Anonymous]

Please ask. We have guns and I will gladly tell you how they are stored and what safety measures we follow. I will also tell you how the knives are kept out of reach and how the basement workshop with power tools is locked up when I'm. Not in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would a parent NOT just lie about having guns in the home if they get the sense that the asker would terminate the playdate if they said yes?

Well, gee, because if I find out they lied, I will tell every parent I know that they have guns which aren't stored safely? This isn't a grey area. Either you are responsible or you aren't, and I don't want my child to be injured or die due to your negligence.

How would you find out they lied if your child didn't see a weapon?

For example, they store the gun in a bedroom drawer. You child didn't go into that bedroom and their child didn't go get the gun. It's still improperly stored but you have no clue because they lied. Your child and other kids aren't any safer, you just don't know it. People lie and get away with it all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here. I've asked MB/DB what issues they want asked when one of my charges goes on a playdate, and they were completely clueless. So, I go with my list:

Do you own any weapons? You do, very nice, can I ask what you have? Oh, you have a couple knives and a bow and a gun, how do you store those? Oh, you only lock up the gun, nope, I'm sorry, Larlo can't go over to your house, but we'd love to have you come to ours or meet us at the park!

Do you have a pool, trampoline or other hazard? You have a tramp, what fun! Is it accessible to the kids when you aren't supervising? It's not, wonderful! Larla would love to spend time at your house!

Do you have pets? You have a yard full of dogs and zillions of cats? (Mental thought: where are the kids supposed to have room to play?!) Oh, they're all confined away from children during a play date. While that's not necessary as long as the animals aren't violent, given how many you have, I appreciate it.

Btw, those are actual playdate invites and the jist of the conversation. In the case of the dad with the weapons, he stored the gun correctly, but didn't even consider storing the knives anywhere other than a drawer, and the bow case was never locked.

No guns here, but this is where I keep my kitchen knives and I also have prescription medicines in the cabinet. Also, there has been more than one gun owner here who has said they would lie if asked the question because they don't like the question.

Thanks to the nanny here who provided these questions. That is pretty helpful. We only ask about dogs (bad allergy for one kid) and guns. Have never asked about trampoline, though I should. so far, none of our friends have had pools so we haven't crossed that bridge yet. Like others have mentioned, the actual answer is less important than your response to my question - are you defensive? offended? etc. If you are offended by the questions, then I think perhaps your priorities are not in line with mine (safety first), and maybe my kid doesn't need a playdate with yours after all.

As an aside, a friend of mine just told me that her neighbor came over for a few minutes to look at a piece of furniture she was selling. She brought her purse with her and had it on the ground. My friend's baby (about 1 at the time), starting pawing at the purse. The neighbor smiled sweetly at her and said 'No, no, honey, you don't want to touch that, I've got my gun in there!'. which for the risk averse, maybe indicates a whole other slew of questions...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would a parent NOT just lie about having guns in the home if they get the sense that the asker would terminate the playdate if they said yes?

wow. That would be a really awful human being. If you are a parent and a gun owner, it is within your right to take on whatever risks may be associated for yourself and your child. Btu you don't get to put my kid in harm's way without me even knowing about it, when I've specifically asked you about that very issue!! That people - other parents - would do this is just really shocking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a newcomer to the area, and my eight-year-old is sometimes asked over for playdates with his new friends, which is great - except that last week he informed me that a friend's teenage son had showed them the parents' (unloaded) revolver. Yikes.

It's never occurred to me to ask other parents whether they keep guns around - we moved here from a country where basically only hunters and farmers have them.

Is this something you ask parents of new friends, before you permit an unsupervised playdate?

Please no gun rights/gun bans arguing; I just want to know if the question is considered OK or impolite. Thanks!

After that experience - I would absolutely ask, and use that as the excuse.

"Sure, Larlo would love to come over play. I need to ask, though - do you have guns in the house? He was at a play date and his friend's teenaged brother showed them an unloaded gun. I just want to make sure...blah, blah, blah."

Anyone that has an issue with that should need to go and suck it.

We do own guns (my DH hunts), and they ARE locked away, with the ammunition is in a separate locked place.

And you definitely need to TELL the parents their kid showed the little ones a gun!

+1

This is the perfect opportunity to bring it up in the future.

I would be absolutely livid about the teenager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never been asked and never asked. We have guns in the home and have educated our children about them, although as we all know there's no such thing as a "gun proof" child.

I have also never been asked about a pool, which we also have, which is much more likely to cause harm to their children. Nor have we been asked about the trampoline, pogo stick, stilts, skates, skate board, bikes, helmet rules...

I have been asked about allergens and dogs (for a child with a fear of, not an allergy of)

We have a gun and a pool and a trampoline. But a mother once called me screaming because I was letting her kid and mine run through the yard holding sticks. "THEY COULD HAVE POKED AN EYE OUT! OR WORSE!"

DH and I laughed about it for weeks.

not sure why you think this is funny. This actually happened to a neighborhood boy when I grew up. So gross and he had to get a glass eye.

[Anonymous]

Op - - you're worried about "impolite" ? I'm speechless.

Except I'm not - PP, I disdain trampolines, household guns. My kids certainly wouldn't be coming to your house.

[Anonymous]

I ask. My son has severe tree nut allergies, so I usually package it together. "Fyi, son has severe tree nut allergies, so please be aware of that. He knows what he can and cannot eat, and he has an epi pen with him and knows what to do. Also, if you have any firearms in the house, are they inaccessible to children? i ask because he is unfamiliar with gun safety and so would be unsafe around unsecured weapons."

I've never had anyone flinch. some may lie, but that is out of my control. I really have to believe that any sane adult who is around children and wants the children to be safe would hear my question and understand it for what it is... A parental warning that a child has not been trained on gun safety and therefore can not be trusted to handle a gun. I mean, this would mean that MY kid could find their unsecured weapon and shoot someone in the house. No one wants that.

At the end of the day, sane responsible people want the same thing we want.... To keep our kids and families safe.

[Anonymous]

We don't own guns. We are anti gun. We do not want our kids playing at people's houses when there are guns in the house. They can play outside, go places, play at our place - all is well.

Yes, we do ask. Anyone who says yes is a very clear no to having our kids over there. Anyone who reacts funny or expresses their dislike about the question I am generally not comfortable around afterwards (doesn't feel authentic and honest to me) so we keep our distance. Happens VERY rarely though. There are way too many accidents to risk this. It's NOT worth it.

[Anonymous]

My wife is militant anti gun, and was shocked when I told her that I am certain our neighbors have guns. (they are mormon). I said that guns aren't the problem, it is how people use them.

Guns in a gun safe -- no problem.

In OP's case, where the teen son got the gun, it is a huge issue. I would make sure the parents knew. And if they did not think it was a big deal, sever the relationship.

[Anonymous]

I ask.

We don't own any fire arms personally. I'm more than happy to host play dates as a result.

But DD10 goes to the homes of family members and close friends who are LEOs or hunters and have fire arms.

She knows not to touch a firearm, to consider any gun loaded, and to immediately leave the room and tell an adult if a firearm is left unattended or another child is touching/ looking for a gun.

To be honest, I am just as scared of her being molested during a sleepover or accidentally drowning or ingesting a drug as I am of a gun going off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even in this thread, you can see some of the PPs are saying ridiculous irresponsible things like "you can't gunproof a child" WTF??

Experiments show that even children very well educated about gun safety will do stupid things with guns (e.g. pick up an unknown gun).

It's like people who think their children are dogsafe. No, your child is well educated about dogs, but your child is still a child and inclined to do stupid and impulsive things because she is a child. Our child was as dogsafe as a child can get, and we still didn't leave her alone with our well-trained and wonderful dog until she was 5 years old. Yes, it was a pain not to be able to leave her and the dog in the living room while I walked to the kitchen to get a drink. So be it. It is too easy for a small child to do something stupid and for a dog to react like a dog and suddenly you have a severely injured child and a dog you have to do something with that has a history of severely injuring a child.

It's the opposite of irresponsible to understand you can't gunproof a child or make a child dogsafe. It is the adult's responsibility to ensure that unsafe situations don't occur by securing guns away from children and making sure dogs and children don't interact unsupervised. Depending on the child to get it right 100% of the time is asking for heartbreak.