S/O - Good Kids Being Paired with the *Bad Kid*

[Anonymous]

The bad kid thread got me thinking... My child is quite the opposite. She is is great listener, leader and is always praised for her good behavior. As a result, she is always paired with the class "bad kid(s)" in various situations. She had her seat moved in K and now again in 1st grade so that she can sit next to and "help" another child follow instructions and be on their best behavior. Both times the teacher told her the reason for the move and has requested that she lead by example. She is also continually paired with the more difficult children for all sorts of group work and again expected to help the other kids fall in line.

I'm all for building a strong classroom community but I am starting to feel frustrated with the extra expectations placed on my daughter. She is a people-pleaser and very sensitive (part of the reason for her good behavior) and I can see the stress that these expectations cause. She came home in tears more than once last year because her partner purposely tore up her art work, scribbled over her answers on a worksheet, got them disqualified from an activity for acting out, etc. Now that her seat's been moved next to this year's problem child I'm worried that we are heading down a similar path.

Do I speak up and ask the teacher not to place these extra expectations on her or is something like this a character building experience that will help her mature and grow into a leader? I can see both sides but keep going back to the fact that she's only 6 years old and deserves to enjoy her school experience. Anyone dealt with something similar?

[Anonymous]

Seat assignments get changed all the time in school. Changing a seat twice in two years doesn't sound like a hardship.

So, you're extrapolating that she's not enjoying her school experience b/c she was supposedly told she's sitting next to Larlo b/c she's a good example.

Suck it up or pay for private.

[Anonymous]

I think you should say something for a couple of reasons - first if her work is affected and also because that dynamic is good for some things but not for all. My son was in a math class that was too easy for him and the teacher wanted him to stay to help the other kids. That was good for him - it's a skill to teach others. But, when it became clear who would learn nothing new at all, I pushed and the teacher agreed he needed to be moved up to the next class.

[Anonymous]

How did the teachers react when you talked to the about the artwork being ripped up?

[Anonymous]

Yes, Op you should. Teachers can take advantage. DS was always the one assigned to "look after" a particular child. This extended to instruction groupings, and after awhile I felt like, for the teacher's convenience, my son's academics were suffering. It was subtle, and stretched-out over several years. What I didn't realize was the other child/and parents had been requesting that our sons be together in the same class year after year. Op, so yeah one year, little damage. I too believe in inclusion, but you have to speak up and break the pattern of the teacher will do what's easiest for themselves.

[Anonymous]

This is my daughter and son, every year in ES. I would let the teacher know that I expected she would get a break and not have to sit next to the most difficult kid all year. Most of my daughter's teachers moved kids around regularly throughout the year anyway.

My daughter actually found that she enjoyed sitting next to some of the kids, so I would try not to worry and just let your kid know that you will talk to the teacher if a kid is really bothering him/her.

Last year my son had a boy that he had to sit next to for a month. This kid would talk to him constantly, touch his stuff, write on his papers, etc. Once my son let me know what was going on, I told the teacher not to put him next to my son again. DS had served his time.

[Anonymous]

OP here.... seat assignments don't get changed all the time in my school. DD was in the same spot all year after being moved in the 2nd week.

I never really said anything about my concerns last year. I only brought it up once during the conference and DD's teacher was very firm in the idea that she was building her leadership skills.

[Anonymous]

My DD was in this spot last year. She vacillated between liking the task and resenting it because it just took up all of her time. Not only was she helping this child in the regular classroom, she was helping her in the cafeteria, on the playground and during specials. When my child was out sick, she came back to reports of the other little girl crying all day and wailing for DD. When the teacher was out or the kids were not in the main classroom, the other child refused to speak to anyone besides DD, who became a translator of sorts. By the last month of school, DD was DONE.

I requested that they be placed into different classrooms this year and will do so again next year. If we get into this situation again, I will speak up MUCH earlier.

[Anonymous]

Wth with these teachers??? That's awful!

[Anonymous]

This is 20:38. We are in MoCo and get to visit the classroom the Friday before school starts. I ask the teacher immediately how often she switches seating around and (if I know the reputation of the seatmate) when my kid will expect a break.

I am not a bitch about it. My daughter, especially, is quiet, on task, and unflappable. I know she is less bothered by behavior problems than other kids, but I let the teachers know it is not acceptable for her to sit next to the most difficult kid in class for more than a month.

[Anonymous]

Exact scenario happened to us. When it stopped working out I told the teacher and she switched the seating. Interestingly enough, she is now great friends with "the troublemaker" and became his "mentor" in 1st grade, after she matured a little and was better able to handle the outbursts.

[Anonymous]

My son was paired with a boy because he would lose his place when he spaces out... ADD. He could quietly turn to the boy and ask him what page they are on, he would also call him for homework if he misunderstood or wrote it down incorrectly. OTOH, my son was asked to help this quiet timid child on playground since he is quite nervous and had a hard time making friends. So I guess we have been in both situations. It worked for us even though my son had to not always only worry about himself.

[Anonymous]

My son is the good kid. He has had his seat changed 4 times already this year to support struggling kids. This teacher uses a behavior mod system that effects the entire table. This means when his table mate musbehaves, he does not get the end of day prize. There is so much wrong with this I don't even know where to begin with the teacher. My son is more conserned with the behavior chart then his school work.

[Anonymous]

My child is the one that often gets paired with the "good" kids. Not because she's "bad" but because she has ADHD and other LDs. She was paired with another child who would help her clean her desk weekly, etc.

All I have to say is thanks to the kids (and their wonderful parents) who have been paired with my "bad" kid! They were really a help to her.

[Anonymous]

It makes me ill to see parents labeling elementry aged kids as good and bad.

These are children, not fruit.