S/O - Good Kids Being Paired with the *Bad Kid*

[Anonymous]

Last year in sixth grade my daughter repeatedly got paired with the slacker kids. She'd be in a group of four kids and so concerned about getting a good grade that she'd do 100% of the work instead of the 25% she was supposed to have to do.

In the fourth quarter I'd had enough of her staying up until 1am repeatedly after giving chance after chance to these assholes, and I told her to NOT write their names on her report. I walked into school with her, and stood next to her as she handed in the report and project before school officially started. The teacher glanced at it and then took a second look. "Wait, why aren't the other kids names on here?" And I looked her straight in the eyes and told her "Because they didn't do any of the work. DD did it all." Then I handed her a print out of each text she'd sent to each of the kids in the group over the prior weeks where she tried to get them to do work. One kid literally told her "You'll do everything," and "I don't do projects."

The teacher was not pleased. I really didn't give a shit. The other kids got 0's. DD got an A.

[Anonymous]

I had a child who came into kindergarten reading on a sixth grade level and every year my daughter would come home and tell me some variant of "The teacher told me I had to be a helper. Today I had to help so and so with reading, and then I had to do this." I made a point early in the semester of meeting her teachers and explaining that she was there to learn, as was everyone else, and that she was not to be used as a helper. We moved districts and it was the same situation again. My daughter actually asked me at some point why other kids got to go to school to learn but she always had to go there to help. It isn't fair and it's something that lazy teachers do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seat assignments get changed all the time in school. Changing a seat twice in two years doesn't sound like a hardship.

So, you're extrapolating that she's not enjoying her school experience b/c she was supposedly told she's sitting next to Larlo b/c she's a good example.

Suck it up or pay for private.

Seems to me if the kids are being used as assistant aides, they should be paid or should get extra credit.

[Anonymous]

Seems to me it is good for young children to learn to help others and take joy in seeing others do better because of them.

[Anonymous]

If the teacher put all the "bad" kids together and they caused a big disturbance, the parents would be complaining about that.

Someday your perfect child may need support from another member of her classroom community. Your kid may be depending on the kindness of that misbehaving 6 year old when they are 12 and in math class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last year in sixth grade my daughter repeatedly got paired with the slacker kids. She'd be in a group of four kids and so concerned about getting a good grade that she'd do 100% of the work instead of the 25% she was supposed to have to do.

In the fourth quarter I'd had enough of her staying up until 1am repeatedly after giving chance after chance to these assholes, and I told her to NOT write their names on her report. I walked into school with her, and stood next to her as she handed in the report and project before school officially started. The teacher glanced at it and then took a second look. "Wait, why aren't the other kids names on here?" And I looked her straight in the eyes and told her "Because they didn't do any of the work. DD did it all." Then I handed her a print out of each text she'd sent to each of the kids in the group over the prior weeks where she tried to get them to do work. One kid literally told her "You'll do everything," and "I don't do projects."

The teacher was not pleased. I really didn't give a shit. The other kids got 0's. DD got an A.

That sounds like a tough time. I empathize with your daughter. Maybe next time you can give you daughter tips on how to advocate for herself. The other kids doing like they behaved very poorly, but please don't call children a holes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, Op you should. Teachers can take advantage. DS was always the one assigned to "look after" a particular child. This extended to instruction groupings, and after awhile I felt like, for the teacher's convenience, my son's academics were suffering. It was subtle, and stretched-out over several years. What I didn't realize was the other child/and parents had been requesting that our sons be together in the same class year after year. Op, so yeah one year, little damage. I too believe in inclusion, but you have to speak up and break the pattern of the teacher will do what's easiest for themselves.

This happened to my DD also. Now I understand why the PTA moms kid always had a bestie glued to their side -- to prevent this. We moved to private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems to me it is good for young children to learn to help others and take joy in seeing others do better because of them.

This is the equivalent of my sending you to your neighbor's house once a week to clean her house for her. Why don't you take joy in helping others? WHy are you always putting your own selfish needs first?
How about if I suggested that one day a week you share your car with your neighbor and let him or her drive it? Just because they're children doesn't mean they don't have rights. THey have a right to an education.
How hard is that to understand?

[Anonymous]

Speak up.

I hated, hated, hated being the kid in your daughter's position. It's not fair to her. She's being effectively punished and having responsibility put on her that isn't hers to bear.

Her good behavior is an example no matter where she sits in her class.

[Anonymous]

This happened to my brother especially. He sounds a lot like OP's sensitive kid who was stressed by the responsibility. The teacher even left him In charge while she went to the office one time in kindergarten. He didn't have any friends until first grade because he thought he was always on as classroom aide and was constantly tattling and telling the other kids what to do.

It is the teachers job to maintain classroom control. A kid should worry only about his or her own behavior.

Speak up. Nicely but firmly. Please.

[Anonymous]

I let the teacher deal with the seating arrangement - it's his/her classroom. I deal with whether or not MY child's grades are suddenly tanking and what to do about it. I ask the teacher if there is any reason for that and what I can do at home to help.

As others have said, they switch the seats around a lot during the course of the year.

[Anonymous]

I have both lived this and see this with my own kids. I think as parents, we have to have a conversation, but be open to the teacher's point of view.

I was the "good" kid/ great student who did frequently get paired with kids who needed extra help. What is less obvious is that I got a lot out of being with those kids. They were the ones who could easily make friends, be flexible and generally help me learn some really important skills too. I hope it also made me a more empathetic adult as I realized that we are all good at different things. It built up my self-esteem that I could help someone with math or reading. And the other kids could explain to me about friendship pins and how to trade stuff at lunch. Yes, I got frustrated sometimes but that was something I was learning to manage too.

With one particularly memorable pairing with a very active boy, I just didn't know what to do because he wouldn't stop moving. My teacher taught me how to self-advocate that I needed quiet when I was doing math, but that we could both wiggle during reading. It is a powerful thing to be able to express your own needs.

Now my kids are both 2e, so depending on the day/ subject they could either be the model or the kid who needs a little help. I really appreciate the teachers who manage the class dynamics so that everyone sees themselves as helping/ needing help sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have both lived this and see this with my own kids. I think as parents, we have to have a conversation, but be open to the teacher's point of view.

I was the "good" kid/ great student who did frequently get paired with kids who needed extra help. What is less obvious is that I got a lot out of being with those kids. They were the ones who could easily make friends, be flexible and generally help me learn some really important skills too. I hope it also made me a more empathetic adult as I realized that we are all good at different things. It built up my self-esteem that I could help someone with math or reading. And the other kids could explain to me about friendship pins and how to trade stuff at lunch. Yes, I got frustrated sometimes but that was something I was learning to manage too.

With one particularly memorable pairing with a very active boy, I just didn't know what to do because he wouldn't stop moving. My teacher taught me how to self-advocate that I needed quiet when I was doing math, but that we could both wiggle during reading. It is a powerful thing to be able to express your own needs.

Now my kids are both 2e, so depending on the day/ subject they could either be the model or the kid who needs a little help. I really appreciate the teachers who manage the class dynamics so that everyone sees themselves as helping/ needing help sometimes.

Thank you for this perspective. It makes so much sense that teachers do that!

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry I wouldn't be happy about this. It shouldn't be a child's job to keep another child in line especially if it's negatively affecting your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry I wouldn't be happy about this. It shouldn't be a child's job to keep another child in line especially if it's negatively affecting your child.

+1
Any teachers care to comment?
Is it done purposefully? Do they stick to it to make their jobs easier or change things up for fairness?
We are a month in and I'm wondering if and when they will change up. I have already been on a field trip so it's easy to tell who the problem kids are.