S/O - Good Kids Being Paired with the *Bad Kid*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a parent who has both types of kids I hope I can provide some perspective. I don't think any child should have to be asked to work with a challenging classmate if it stresses her out, but I want to point out that there can be as much good in that pairing for the "nice" kid as for the "bad" kid.

DS1 is incredibly empathetic and has strong academics and is often paired with classmates who have trouble following the curriculum or who struggle socially. It has been great for him. He has a lot of extra time on his hands after finishing his own work and this keeps him occupied and prevents him from being bored. He has also become very good at teaching things. The other type of child he gets along well with are the ones that are very physical or that tease or both. Many other kids either don't want to work with them or would start crying if they had to deal with some of the things they say or do. DS1 has learned how to firmly express his disappointment with the behaviors but still be be a friend. This has helped him mature in his own social skills. He and some of his friends were recently being bullied by older kids but he was the one that told the teachers he would handle it, stood up to the bullies and made them go away. I think he was able to self-advocate in this way because of his experiences dealing with some of his more difficult classmates.

Now our younger DC2 is the opposite and it makes me feel like throwing up to think DC2 may be the kid some of you are talking about. He's smart but does not like to do schoolwork and can act out. He tends to be paired with "nice" kids who try their hardest, are kind, patient and who don't judge him for acting the way he does sometimes. When DC2 is with these children he actually behaves very well and is a good partner. (He's never messed up other kids' work or anything like that.) Now my child has special needs, but you wouldn't know that from looking at him. He's trying his hardest to be "good" but it's not as easy for him as other children. I once met the mother of one of these "nice" children and she was also really kind to me saying her daughter was really enjoying being being paired up with DS2 and gave me specific examples of why. It meant the world to me that both the mother and her daughter saw the "good" in DS2. I hope some of you parents of "nice" kids try see how fortunate you are.

+1. Very nicely said, PP. My older one is also relatively easy, and has been paired every year with a child that is obviously one of the more challenging kid in the grade. (Although, I would also note, the only kid that said thank you when I brought in cupcakes for the class.) Our younger child has many of the same issues as this particular challenging child -- imagine my surprise when my daughter was able to educate me on some of the services and accommodations that had been successful for this other boy over the years, and that might assist her younger brother, if we could get the school to agree. Maybe she'll grow up to be a child psychologist or special educator.