My dad doesn't think I should be working

[Anonymous]

I hope this doesn't become an argument about SAHM vs. WOHM, but...

My dad is super opposed to me working. I don't see him all that often, but whenever I do, he makes a point to say I should be at home with my child. I don't know what else I can say, other than I'm not sure how to deal with it. I do feel somewhat guilty, but now I'm a better mother for working, and as a consultant with a nanny who works from home much of the time, I'm not actually away from him that often. I'm certainly not in an office every day with him in daycare. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it seems like it's most peoples' objection to WOHM's. I really don't understand why it offends him so much and how I can stop it from getting to me so much.

(And no, it shouldn't be any of his business, except that I travel a few times a month, and my mom, who hasn't worked in a few years so she can have fun with her grandkids, either comes to my house to watch DC, or I drop DC at their house while I travel. They live in Chicago, so I can usually work flight connections that way. Sometimes she comes with me and DC on trips, which is a blast. My mom is incredibly happy to do it, but my dad - not so much. It's not about her being gone either, it's about her watching my child while I <gasp> work.)

[Anonymous]

Well, sounds like your dad doesn't like having to take care of your kid so you can work. Either put up with him griping or find alternate child care.

[Anonymous]

He has never taken care of my child.

[Anonymous]

He's entitled to his opinion. You're entitled to live your life as you see fit.

[Anonymous]

I guess I live my life not badmouthing every person I come into contact with, especially not my child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I live my life not badmouthing every person I come into contact with, especially not my child.

Good. You're one step ahead of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He has never taken care of my child.

When your child stays with your mother, is your dad in the house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has never taken care of my child.

When your child stays with your mother, is your dad in the house?

He's at work.

[Anonymous]

He may not technically be taking care of your kid, but if your kid is staying in his house while your mom takes care of him, that's an imposition on him, and it affects him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He may not technically be taking care of your kid, but if your kid is staying in his house while your mom takes care of him, that's an imposition on him, and it affects him.

That a rather misogynistic comment, don't you think? His house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He may not technically be taking care of your kid, but if your kid is staying in his house while your mom takes care of him, that's an imposition on him, and it affects him.

I asked if the dad was home and this is what I'm thinking. Even if the dad is working during the day, their is still a child there in the evening. He also may be bothered by the mom going on the trips to take care of the child. It sounds like the dad may be one of those grandparents that thinks he's raised his kids, he doesn't need to care for his grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He may not technically be taking care of your kid, but if your kid is staying in his house while your mom takes care of him, that's an imposition on him, and it affects him.

I asked if the dad was home and this is what I'm thinking. Even if the dad is working during the day, their is still a child there in the evening. He also may be bothered by the mom going on the trips to take care of the child. It sounds like the dad may be one of those grandparents that thinks he's raised his kids, he doesn't need to care for his grandkids.

Maybe, but that's a marital issue more than anything else.

[Anonymous]

I get it, OP. I grew up with my mom vehemently opposed to working moms. She said every single thing you'd find in a mommy wars post throughout my life. I didn't have a choice but to work and it broke my heart feeling like I'd be judged. It was a tough transition but as I've made working motherhood work, she's totally changed her tune. I'm sure this has to do more with a different world view than feeling put out by babysitting. I know it sucks and I hope he changes his mind as he sees you make it all work out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He has never taken care of my child.

Your parents live in the same house right? So he has to put up with the kid in his space because u r working.

[Anonymous]

And, my mom is very upset I am not working (and yet she will not help out with child care).