Sleeping with my unfaithful husband

[Anonymous]

My husband had an affair, which I figured out about a month ago. We have been dealing with it and I have run the gamut of emotions. Most of the time, I think I will try to work through it. He swears it is over now and I had both of us tested for STDs (thankfully, negative). Sometimes, however, I just want to run away or kick him out. It's obviously still very early after the discovery, though I suspected the affair for months before he admitted it.

For some bizarre reason, I am still having sex with him. We have had a good sex life throughout the last couple of years of our marriage and even during the affair, and I don't want to give that up because my sex drive was really low for a long time and I really appreciate having it back. There is also probably some sort of bonding / connection with the sex. It's a familiar thing that is oddly comforting.

Is it crazy that I don't want to stop sleeping with him? One unfortunate side effect of the affair is that I will get a mental image of him with the other woman while we are in the act sometimes and it is really, really disturbing. Will I be totally horrified by my behavior later on - like where is my integrity and self respect? I've already lost so much and I don't want to lose sex too (full disclosure, he is very skilled in that department - I feel pretty sleazy even writing this!).

[Anonymous]

Hysterical bonding. Total normal.

Www.survivinginfidelity.com

[Anonymous]

You're better than I am. I couldn't take back a cheating spouse.

[Anonymous]

Seems like his affair cured your low sex drive OP.

[Anonymous]

I don't actually think it's crazy. If you are trying to keep the marriage together, I bet that having sex probably helps in that goal. because it keeps intimacy in the relationship, and probably reminds you of one reason you decided to get together/marry in the first place.

Do you know why he had the affair?

[Anonymous]

It sounds fine to me OP. My dh had an affair and I stayed. I've never been big on sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like his affair cured your low sex drive OP.

Please read. She got her drive back before she found out about the affair.

[Anonymous]

My H and I had a very active sex life and he had an affair. I did not slow down the sex with him (even though I threw him out).

Really, sex is fun and I was not giving it up like that just because his insecurities had him run to another woman to stroke his ego. (At least until I had a replacement.)

Alas, his OW ended up being a psycho, he came crawling back and we are together.

It is totally normal to like sex and to want to continue having sex with your HUSBAND.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My H and I had a very active sex life and he had an affair. I did not slow down the sex with him (even though I threw him out).

Really, sex is fun and I was not giving it up like that just because his insecurities had him run to another woman to stroke his ego. (At least until I had a replacement.)

Alas, his OW ended up being a psycho, he came crawling back and we are together.

It is totally normal to like sex and to want to continue having sex with your HUSBAND.

Just curious, why did you take him back? From your post it seems you found a "replacement" when you threw him out.

[Anonymous]

Gross

[Anonymous]

Talk about rewarding bad behavior. Yikes!

[Anonymous]

Imagine him being balls deep in another woman. Either that turns you on, or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My H and I had a very active sex life and he had an affair. I did not slow down the sex with him (even though I threw him out).

Really, sex is fun and I was not giving it up like that just because his insecurities had him run to another woman to stroke his ego. (At least until I had a replacement.)

Alas, his OW ended up being a psycho, he came crawling back and we are together.

It is totally normal to like sex and to want to continue having sex with your HUSBAND.

Just curious, why did you take him back? From your post it seems you found a "replacement" when you threw him out.

I realized he was having a nervous breakdown and I cared about his future. I was his support system even during the worst times. He agreed to go to counseling to figure out why he would try to blow up a perfect life. I counted this part of his life "in sickness".

I realize I married an imperfect person (we all are) and most things can be forgiven. The affair was something he did to himself, not something he did to me.

I wanted our kids to have an intact family (though I have many divorced friends that are happy/healthy) I thought it was worth a try.

I did not "find a replacement" but I told him I would stop sleeping with him when I found one. It would not have taken long to find somebody. As soon as he moved out I had multiple requests to go out. My counselor told me to wait at least 6 months before "dating". The whole ordeal was less than 6 months long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Imagine him being balls deep in another woman. Either that turns you on, or not.

Why was her H a virgin before she married him. Grow up ... we all screwed other people.

[Anonymous]

Op - I think you're doing the right things to repair your relationship. People connect through sex. No sex = no connection. That won't help repair a relationship.

I took my ex wife back after an affair. The sex was great with her too, but looking back, that was the only thing I enjoyed and it wasn't worth what I had to deal with.