I need somebody to play Caroline Hax for me
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Anonymous
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I don't know whether it's control issues or dependency issues, or both, but I need to set limits with my mother.
It's impossible to do favors or give gifts to her. Every favor or gift spirals out of control into an endless list of demands. For example, she wanted us to provide multiple photos of our family. I set up on Photobucket for her to have all the photos. Now she wants me to take her through how to copy the photos to her ipad, how to make a screensaver, and other demands. She's technologically incompetent. Basically she wants me to teach her how to use an ipad, and how to access the internet effectively, which she's incapable of. Everything is phrased "Now I need you to..." Is it her or is it me? |
Anonymous
| Keep it simple next time. If she asks you to send her pictures, send her some pictures. Either email them or send them to Snapfish for delivery to her house, or both. You know she's incompetent but yet you expect her to be able to download pics from photobucket and work with them herself. Keep it simple for her. Someday you'll be older too. |
Anonymous
| Is there more backstory than this? I'll admit, I'm having a hard time mustering sympathy for the fact that your mother has asked you for help using the photos you shared with her. |
Anonymous
Maybe I am missing something, but this particular instance does not seem like such a big deal? I had to teach my mom how to use the ipad, but it was for the things she is interested in- skype, taking photos, etc. It didn't spiral much after that, and she is as technically inept as anyone. I think in this case it's you. Just be patient. One day you will be a befuddled old lady and hopefully your kids will be patient with you too. |
Anonymous
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I think that a lot of us have had to help our parents navigate technology, and I imagine a lot of us will need help from our kids with technology at some point when we are older and new things have cropped up.
Is there more to this? |
Anonymous
| I'm 10:44 and rereading your post, perhaps your real problem is the way she phrases it, as if she is entitled rather than asking for your help. Is that the problem? |
Anonymous
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Teach her how to use google. Seriously. All the information she needs is out there, but she may not know how to access it. Show her how to word her searches on google and she will be able to pretty much find out what she needs to know.
On the other hand, is it possible her requests for help are an attempt to spend time with you and be closer? Maybe she misses you. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like there is way more going on. Your mom's requests don't sound like they are unreasonable, excessive or out of line. Who else should she ask but her son or daughter? |
Anonymous
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Most senior centers have classes on how to use stuff like ipads, internet, fancy cameras. Is there one near her? The senior centers around me are set up for active 60-70 year olds, so not the nursing home set.
A lot of old people are extremely demanding. DH's aunt had me fix her ipad and make it stop autocorrecting. Then she yelled at me that it was still making sentence periods when she double spaced twice. ugh. And she wanted to know why I didn't fix the backlight issue too. I'm not a mind reader. |
Anonymous
| Okay, I see I am being too impatient. Reality check. |
Anonymous
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"Mom, I have 30 minutes on Wednesday to help"'
"We'll work on it some more next week" |
Anonymous
+1. You just need some boundaries to protect your time, and a predictable recurring schedule to make her feel like she's going to have your time and attention on a regular basis. |
Anonymous
I agree with PPs to keep it simple. Putting all the photos on a new webiste may just be too overwhelming for your Mom. Use a site like that yourself to send her 10 prints or so every other month. Or give her a photo book for every birthday and Christmas. Doing a bit more work yourself might be more time-saving and make everyone happier. |
Anonymous
1. Just because someone needs something from you, it doesn't mean you have to provide it. This goes for your mom too. It's ok to say no to her. 2. Yes, you are interpreting her request "I need you to" as a way to control you. She can't control you. Only you control you. It's also very likely that she uses this same phrase with other people all the time. So it's not that she wants something from you specifically as much as this is just the way she phrases things in general. |
Anonymous
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Buy her classes at the apple store.
Best Gift Ever! for my MIL |