I need somebody to play Caroline Hax for me

[Anonymous]

Well, while I understand that you may not be in a position to immediately assist your mom with these questions at the exact time she wants you to, unless she was a bad mother, she has probably put in a lot more time caring for and helping you as you grew up than she's asking back with these tech issues. Just tell her you can't do it right then and set up another specific, limited time to go through it with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know whether it's control issues or dependency issues, or both, but I need to set limits with my mother.

It's impossible to do favors or give gifts to her. Every favor or gift spirals out of control into an endless list of demands. For example, she wanted us to provide multiple photos of our family. I set up on Photobucket for her to have all the photos. Now she wants me to take her through how to copy the photos to her ipad, how to make a screensaver, and other demands. She's technologically incompetent. Basically she wants me to teach her how to use an ipad, and how to access the internet effectively, which she's incapable of. Everything is phrased "Now I need you to..." Is it her or is it me?

Dear Anonymous:

Memorize the phrase "No, mom."

Use it.

Signed,

Caroline Hax

[Anonymous]

I would be your mom. I am 54 and did not grow up with cell phones, computers, etc, so you have to bear with us. Sorry.
You'll be in the same boat in another generation.

[Anonymous]

I'm 3 years younger than you and I teach online. You just sound lazy. 54 and you can't use the internet? That's pathetic!
My 80 year MIL, on the other hand, doesn't use any technology. When she needs a plane ticket, someone has to spend hours on the phone with her going over all of the flight options and playing travel agent before ordering her ticket online, printing it out and delivering it to her house. I'd be happier if my MIL was willing to use some technology, even if it required handholding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be your mom. I am 54 and did not grow up with cell phones, computers, etc, so you have to bear with us. Sorry.
You'll be in the same boat in another generation.

unbelievable. im in my late 50s and figure this stuff out on my own all the time. i would hate to be dependent on others for this.

[Anonymous]

Is the issue that you are incredibly busy, she doesn't seem to get that, and her "high" priorities are low on your too long list of demands?

[Anonymous]

Each time I was going to visit my grandma, I'd tell her "make a list for me!" and when I'd arrive she'd hand me her list of things that needed fixing or explaining, and I'd spend an hour or two going around her condo re-setting the time on the microwave oven, adding a show to be recorded by her DVR, deleting contacts from her cell phone who'd died, etc.

Maybe set aside some time to plunge in and tell her "I'm coming over this weekend; make me a list!"

[Anonymous]

I bet she'd love a photo book from shutterfly or the like. I get coupons for free ones occasionally. I try to use the coupons to make a book for mil when I get them. She loves receiving them. I make her a big one every year for Christmas using pics from the kids' summer visit to her house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Each time I was going to visit my grandma, I'd tell her "make a list for me!" and when I'd arrive she'd hand me her list of things that needed fixing or explaining, and I'd spend an hour or two going around her condo re-setting the time on the microwave oven, adding a show to be recorded by her DVR, deleting contacts from her cell phone who'd died, etc.

Maybe set aside some time to plunge in and tell her "I'm coming over this weekend; make me a list!"

That's so sweet. I bet your grandma felt very loved and cared for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, I see I am being too impatient. Reality check.

\

Good for you. I'm impressed that you are so willing to incorporate feedback into your perspective. Refreshing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be your mom. I am 54 and did not grow up with cell phones, computers, etc, so you have to bear with us. Sorry.
You'll be in the same boat in another generation.

I'm about your age and I'm a late adopter of virtually every new form of tech. I was using a cell phone in 1996. I was using an apple IIe in the 1980's.

Who are you trying to kid?

[Anonymous]

A lot of older parents struggle with technology. My husband helps his mother with her computer seemingly every month. Your mom helped you learn how to pee on a toilet. the least you can do is help her use the photos you shared with her.

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids?

My MIL calls me all the time to help her with technology. The problem is that I'm not great, and she is so bad that it is impossible to help her over the phone. And I really do no have time for it. Then.....my son was taught to use an iPad in school. Now she calls him. He's perfect. Because he just learned it, he can walk her through it. And he gets such a sense of pride in helping. Its the perfect solution.

But until then - do not do things like file sharing sights. I found that none of the grandparents could deal with them (even if they can technically, they are afraid of them).

It is OK to set limits - or set times when you can help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be your mom. I am 54 and did not grow up with cell phones, computers, etc, so you have to bear with us. Sorry.
You'll be in the same boat in another generation.

unbelievable. im in my late 50s and figure this stuff out on my own all the time. i would hate to be dependent on others for this.

Its unbelievable that not everyone is like you? You are in your late 50s and you haven't yet met anyone who struggles with technology? That is great you can keep up. Not everyone can.

[Anonymous]

My mom is similar with technology, but I realize I'm irtitated because she expects me to teach her what to do over the phone, or if in person, she expects me to drop everything and give her a brief lesson. The problem is she's not tech savvy enough to pick it up over the phone. And too impatient to learn it quickly in person. So I do get irritated because I know she's going to be annoyed with me for not being able to explain things to her well enough (it's hard when I say over the phone "click on X or y" and she says "I don't know what that is, just tell me how to get to the photos") .
However, my teenage nieces oddly enough are much better at this Than I am. Is that an option for you.?