I need somebody to play Caroline Hax for me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know whether it's control issues or dependency issues, or both, but I need to set limits with my mother.

It's impossible to do favors or give gifts to her. Every favor or gift spirals out of control into an endless list of demands. For example, she wanted us to provide multiple photos of our family. I set up on Photobucket for her to have all the photos. Now she wants me to take her through how to copy the photos to her ipad, how to make a screensaver, and other demands. She's technologically incompetent. Basically she wants me to teach her how to use an ipad, and how to access the internet effectively, which she's incapable of. Everything is phrased "Now I need you to..." Is it her or is it me?

Wonder how she felt teaching you to write your name, tie your shoes, brush your hair, cook, walk, make a bed, put your socks on, get dressed, count to 10, learn your ABC's...I sure hope my kids aren't as selfish as you. Geese hook the lady up with some pictures. You know she doesn't know how to use the Internet and you set up an online photo album. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I'm spending more time with mom.

I think the several (or is it just one?) people who are scolding me and chiding me because mom parented me as a child (changed diapers, potty trained me, etc.) are really a little strange. I'm not neglecting my mother, and I'm not an ungrateful daughter. I love my mother and I want to have a better relationship.
Moreover, to the extent that my mother wants to see her legacy as a mother passed on and treasured by me -- it would be how I parent my own children with great diligence, which is the way my mother sees and takes joy in the fact that her own parenting of me is passed on, not by my seeing to her every need. She's not a child.

Also, I think your notions that it is selfish to ever complain or discuss problems in a parental relationship -- merely because one's mother is one's mother -- are stifling. One discusses problems in a relationship because one cares about that relationship and wants to make it better. Even with a parent, there is room for personal growth in a relationship, or should be. I hope my children can come to me and say "Mom, we need to talk about this, because it's really bothering me." Regardless of the fact that I changed their diapers. Or even more so because of that fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm spending more time with mom.

I think the several (or is it just one?) people who are scolding me and chiding me because mom parented me as a child (changed diapers, potty trained me, etc.) are really a little strange. I'm not neglecting my mother, and I'm not an ungrateful daughter. I love my mother and I want to have a better relationship.
Moreover, to the extent that my mother wants to see her legacy as a mother passed on and treasured by me -- it would be how I parent my own children with great diligence, which is the way my mother sees and takes joy in the fact that her own parenting of me is passed on, not by my seeing to her every need. She's not a child.

Also, I think your notions that it is selfish to ever complain or discuss problems in a parental relationship -- merely because one's mother is one's mother -- are stifling. One discusses problems in a relationship because one cares about that relationship and wants to make it better. Even with a parent, there is room for personal growth in a relationship, or should be. I hope my children can come to me and say "Mom, we need to talk about this, because it's really bothering me." Regardless of the fact that I changed their diapers. Or even more so because of that fact.

Then give her pictures in a photo album not online.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there more backstory than this? I'll admit, I'm having a hard time mustering sympathy for the fact that your mother has asked you for help using the photos you shared with her.

+1 I don't get it either. Why can't you just help her?