I accidentally told my son that I hate him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did not mean it. I meant to say that I hate it when he is so stubborn. It happened when I was doing his reading and he was being very difficult. The words slipped out of my mouth and I said, "I hate you". I was sleepy and tired of his behavior. I immediately retracted and said that I meant to say....
Three days later, he wants to know why I said that.

Darn it, I can't believe it.
DS is 8.

This is old but, May 2023, my son was barely 5 years old. He’s a non verbal autistic child. He didn’t let me change his diaper and I struggled for an hour. I was so pissed. I cussed at him and told him I regreted him and hated him. I don’t know if he understood me but his face expression changed. I did spank him. I was yelling at him. His mom came home and gave me one of the nastiest attitude. I realized how I was behaving and just left the room. I have gotten frustrated many times but not like that. My son was happy after she came home and changed him. It’s like it never happened. I felt so horrible and to this day it saddens me and it hurts. I still yell at him but I have so much more control now. I let him know every day that I love him, not knowing if he understands me. I still have the same issues but learned the expectation.

[Anonymous]

It’s okay. I have said worse. Don’t make it a big deal. Life goes on. Your dh doesn’t need to know everything.

[Anonymous]

Strike the word hate from your vocabulary.

[Anonymous]

The kid will remember, even if they don't react and simply internalize it, as I have done every time my mother has said it and continues to. I once said it back and she cried for hours and threw out some of my things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did not mean it. I meant to say that I hate it when he is so stubborn. It happened when I was doing his reading and he was being very difficult. The words slipped out of my mouth and I said, "I hate you". I was sleepy and tired of his behavior. I immediately retracted and said that I meant to say....
Three days later, he wants to know why I said that.

Darn it, I can't believe it.
DS is 8.

Yeah, that will scar a kid and he isn’t likely to forget it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He will remember it the rest of his life, just like I remember my mother saying I was a "mistake". Sorry.

It definitely sounds like you were an unfortunate mistake. You don't need to double-down on it yourself, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have a difficult, very stubborn, extremely explosive child, and that kind of thing has been said a time or two in my household.

What matters is how you handle it when you say something you don't mean, because chances are high that your son will also say things he didn't mean to you or to other people in his life as he grows up.

Own that you did it, apologize, and show him how you are trying to make changes (for example, I told my son that I realized I said things in frustration when I was getting frustrated, and now I tell him I am taking a time out from the situation so I won't get so frustrated.)

Try not to compare yourself and your parenting with parents of children who have more easygoing temperaments than your child does.

You sound like my parents. I have a lifetime of trauma and a case of alcoholism as a result. Now I am sober and have limited contact. Please stop for your children’s sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not mean it. I meant to say that I hate it when he is so stubborn. It happened when I was doing his reading and he was being very difficult. The words slipped out of my mouth and I said, "I hate you". I was sleepy and tired of his behavior. I immediately retracted and said that I meant to say....
Three days later, he wants to know why I said that.

Darn it, I can't believe it.
DS is 8.

This is old but, May 2023, my son was barely 5 years old. He’s a non verbal autistic child. He didn’t let me change his diaper and I struggled for an hour. I was so pissed. I cussed at him and told him I regreted him and hated him. I don’t know if he understood me but his face expression changed. I did spank him. I was yelling at him. His mom came home and gave me one of the nastiest attitude. I realized how I was behaving and just left the room. I have gotten frustrated many times but not like that. My son was happy after she came home and changed him. It’s like it never happened. I felt so horrible and to this day it saddens me and it hurts. I still yell at him but I have so much more control now. I let him know every day that I love him, not knowing if he understands me. I still have the same issues but learned the expectation.

Stop yelling at him.

What is your excuse? You're not a nonverbal child.


Nonverbal doesn't mean deaf or unable to understand language. You should know that.