DD, age 20, is very reluctant to learn to drive

[Anonymous]

I pay a very expensive teacher who specializes in nervous/reluctant drivers to take my 20 DD out driving. And will continue to do so as long as we need to. Luckily, she has finally come to realize how much she's limiting herself by not driving, so while she's never going to love it, she's at least learning to do it.

[Anonymous]

Not the case in Maryland. You can get a non-driving card that is a Real ID. My reluctant/late to drive DS had one prior to a learner's permit.

"and the driver's license in our country is basically our universal ID card."

[Anonymous]

Driving isn’t like putting one foot in front of another. Safe driving demands skill and confidence. Please don’t unnecessarily endanger everyone else on the road because you want your kid participating.

There’s a reason insurance is sky high for teens and young adults.

[Anonymous]

Get her a self-driving car. She will require minimal driving and she can build up her confidence bit by bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get her a self-driving car. She will require minimal driving and she can build up her confidence bit by bit.

Absolutely not. The ones on the road are not reliable. A Tesla just ran a railroad crossing arm, the driver narrowly escaping death.

[Anonymous]

Why?

What’s her actual reason for this?

Did she have learning disabilities or mental disorders or super high anxiety because of either?

[Anonymous]

Jus rod the simple Behind the wheel class, hours with you or dad, and the test.

Who’s making a big deal out of this?

Lots of idiots successfully got their drivers licenses.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Driving isn’t like putting one foot in front of another. Safe driving demands skill and confidence. Please don’t unnecessarily endanger everyone else on the road because you want your kid participating.

There’s a reason insurance is sky high for teens and young adults.

But WHY is she not confident? Just her nature, fatal accident in family, attention, parent saying she’s a problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son had a fear of driving. He has ADHD, low processing speed and a poor reaction time, and knows his limitations. We did not want to let him go to college without a license, however, so we taught him to drive despite his deep misgivings. He got his license at 17. He has not used it, except last summer when he was 20 to get to a summer job near our house (VERY easy drive). But the point isn't that he drive, the point is that he has a license. He doesn't want to drive at night. He tends to go slowly and carefully - we still accompany many of his drives to act as a back-up pair of eyes in cases he misses anything. Perhaps one day he will reach a point where he becomes a responsive, responsible driver. For now, he can drive in case it's absolutely needed. And maybe that's all he'll ever do.

And to the poster who cannot respect people who don't have this skill - shame on you!

How badly does his low processing speed affect his driving?

He takes a beat to execute his decisions, so everything is done slightly slower than what I'd like to see. Things like deciding to change lanes, or deciding whether or not to go ahead and make a red light turn. Merging is a spatial awareness calculation that he takes time to compute.

So he's just like every other inexperienced driver on the road. The solution is practice, not avoiding driving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why?

What’s her actual reason for this?

Did she have learning disabilities or mental disorders or super high anxiety because of either?

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[url]

Anonymous wrote:Driving isn’t like putting one foot in front of another. Safe driving demands skill and confidence. Please don’t unnecessarily endanger everyone else on the road because you want your kid participating.

There’s a reason insurance is sky high for teens and young adults.

But WHY is she not confident? Just her nature, fatal accident in family, attention, parent saying she’s a problem?

Sorry, I would push it. Outside of major cities, it's very limiting to not be able to drive in the US. I'm not setting my kids up to give up opportunities because they are scared of driving. They don't need to do it all the time and then they can decide they hate it and not do it later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[url]

Anonymous wrote:Driving isn’t like putting one foot in front of another. Safe driving demands skill and confidence. Please don’t unnecessarily endanger everyone else on the road because you want your kid participating.

There’s a reason insurance is sky high for teens and young adults.

But WHY is she not confident? Just her nature, fatal accident in family, attention, parent saying she’s a problem?

Sorry, I would push it. Outside of major cities, it's very limiting to not be able to drive in the US. I'm not setting my kids up to give up opportunities because they are scared of driving. They don't need to do it all the time and then they can decide they hate it and not do it later.

+1 We have two DDs who have been anxious about learning to drive but we have pushed them patiently anyway. If they don’t drive in the future that’s up to them but they do need to learn while they are still at home. DD19 got her license right before starting college and DD17 is still practicing with her permit and plans to take the test this summer before senior year of high school. Both are relatively late compared to many others but dealing with anxiety can be challenging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s a worst case scenario: I have a relative, aged 40, who to this day hasn’t learned to drive and it’s seriously limited her opportunities in work, dating, and life.

Like a PP she grew up in NYC and lived in walkable cities - until a few years ago, when life circumstances brought her to a non-walkable suburb. Her life has become very small. Even though she would like a new job, she’s limited to fully remote options, which are not nearly as abundant as even a couple of years ago.

I would force the issue, frankly. It’s a basic life skill.

She could always learn, she's only 40. My parents had a friend who got his license at 65 (also NYC). I think he had one when young but it had been lapsed 40 odd years.

Learning is very hard past 30s. You are much more aware of the risk and danger, and inner ear viscosity means it feels worse.

Huh? I will agree that 30 year olds know more about the risks and danger, but inner ear viscosity?

Like why we all feel nauseous on roller coasters now…?….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never try to force anyone to drive.

💯

Driving is peasant coded to be honest

Just means she needs to figure out how to make a nyc life work

[Anonymous]

Absent extreme SN, parents are not doing their job if teens don't learn to drive