DD, age 20, is very reluctant to learn to drive

[Anonymous]

My DD is 20 years old and very nervous about learning to drive. She needs to know how, in an emergency, and the driver's license in our country is basically our universal ID card. I think if she conquered her fears, her confidence would grow.
She passed the written test--hurray!--on her first try. But getting her behind the wheel has been very difficult ("I'm working...I'm tired...") and I don't know how hard to push it.

[Anonymous]

I probably wouldn't push it if driving is really only needed in an emergency situation. Sounds like not something you need on a day to day basis. I spent my whole life in major cities in the US and abroad where driving wasn't necessary or even desirable and didn't get my license til 25 when I got a job offer that would require driving in more car dependent areas. It was fine. As for the ID thing, there has to be an alternative, there is in the US even if a license is typically the default for most adults. ID card through the DMV.

[Anonymous]

Too bad. She learns to drive. And you put in lots and lots of your own time to make sure.

It's not optional. She does it.

[Anonymous]

I would have little respect for you or your daughter if she didn't learn this basic skill, a life skill.

[Anonymous]

So I'm an adult and I have a license but a great fear of driving. Some people I know had things happen, and DC area is one of the toughest areas to learn. Ask her why, listen; maybe there's something behind it. PS I'd still have great respect for daughter if she didn't learn.

[Anonymous]

You might try some lessons, the instructors are good with this situation.

[Anonymous]

My son had a fear of driving. He has ADHD, low processing speed and a poor reaction time, and knows his limitations. We did not want to let him go to college without a license, however, so we taught him to drive despite his deep misgivings. He got his license at 17. He has not used it, except last summer when he was 20 to get to a summer job near our house (VERY easy drive). But the point isn't that he drive, the point is that he has a license. He doesn't want to drive at night. He tends to go slowly and carefully - we still accompany many of his drives to act as a back-up pair of eyes in cases he misses anything. Perhaps one day he will reach a point where he becomes a responsive, responsible driver. For now, he can drive in case it's absolutely needed. And maybe that's all he'll ever do.

And to the poster who cannot respect people who don't have this skill - shame on you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son had a fear of driving. He has ADHD, low processing speed and a poor reaction time, and knows his limitations. We did not want to let him go to college without a license, however, so we taught him to drive despite his deep misgivings. He got his license at 17. He has not used it, except last summer when he was 20 to get to a summer job near our house (VERY easy drive). But the point isn't that he drive, the point is that he has a license. He doesn't want to drive at night. He tends to go slowly and carefully - we still accompany many of his drives to act as a back-up pair of eyes in cases he misses anything. Perhaps one day he will reach a point where he becomes a responsive, responsible driver. For now, he can drive in case it's absolutely needed. And maybe that's all he'll ever do.

And to the poster who cannot respect people who don't have this skill - shame on you!

How badly does his low processing speed affect his driving?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Too bad. She learns to drive. And you put in lots and lots of your own time to make sure.

It's not optional. She does it.

No way. If this is how you feel you need to put in lots of your own MONEY for driving instructors. Being her backseat driver as a hardline, hardass mom for an already nervous driver is a terrible idea. He'll, I still have to remind my 78 year old mother I don't need a stop sign 3 blocks away pointed out for me! Get a neutral party.

[Anonymous]

stop driving her places.

if you aren't driving her places and she is using public transport to get around, that's fine.

but stop being her chaffeur.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son had a fear of driving. He has ADHD, low processing speed and a poor reaction time, and knows his limitations. We did not want to let him go to college without a license, however, so we taught him to drive despite his deep misgivings. He got his license at 17. He has not used it, except last summer when he was 20 to get to a summer job near our house (VERY easy drive). But the point isn't that he drive, the point is that he has a license. He doesn't want to drive at night. He tends to go slowly and carefully - we still accompany many of his drives to act as a back-up pair of eyes in cases he misses anything. Perhaps one day he will reach a point where he becomes a responsive, responsible driver. For now, he can drive in case it's absolutely needed. And maybe that's all he'll ever do.

And to the poster who cannot respect people who don't have this skill - shame on you!

How badly does his low processing speed affect his driving?

He takes a beat to execute his decisions, so everything is done slightly slower than what I'd like to see. Things like deciding to change lanes, or deciding whether or not to go ahead and make a red light turn. Merging is a spatial awareness calculation that he takes time to compute.

[Anonymous]

She can move to nyc

Many city gen z’ers don’t learn these days

[Anonymous]

I grew up in NYC and did not learn until I was 32. Guess what I was fine.

[Anonymous]

Here’s a worst case scenario: I have a relative, aged 40, who to this day hasn’t learned to drive and it’s seriously limited her opportunities in work, dating, and life.

Like a PP she grew up in NYC and lived in walkable cities - until a few years ago, when life circumstances brought her to a non-walkable suburb. Her life has become very small. Even though she would like a new job, she’s limited to fully remote options, which are not nearly as abundant as even a couple of years ago.

I would force the issue, frankly. It’s a basic life skill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD is 20 years old and very nervous about learning to drive. She needs to know how, in an emergency, and the driver's license in our country is basically our universal ID card. I think if she conquered her fears, her confidence would grow.
She passed the written test--hurray!--on her first try. But getting her behind the wheel has been very difficult ("I'm working...I'm tired...") and I don't know how hard to push it.

Get her few hours from a driving school.