DD, age 20, is very reluctant to learn to drive

[Anonymous]

For identification she can get a passport card.

[Anonymous]

In my home country, most people learn how to drive a car when they are 18 or 19 years old.
If they don't learn how to drive at that age, some people learn how to drive when they are around age 28-38, and that's because they need to drive for a job, or for having kids.

You write that your daughter needs to know how to drive, "in an emergency".
Would you like to be her passenger "in an emergency"?
If she is never driving a car, except "in an emergency"?

Think about this. Does she need a driver's licence now? Is she motivated to get a driver's license now? Will she be more motivated in the future?

[Anonymous]

My SIL never learned to drive because her trashy stepfather thought women shouldn't drive. She eventually got her license but still doesn't drive and is a burden on my brother and niece.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s a worst case scenario: I have a relative, aged 40, who to this day hasn’t learned to drive and it’s seriously limited her opportunities in work, dating, and life.

Like a PP she grew up in NYC and lived in walkable cities - until a few years ago, when life circumstances brought her to a non-walkable suburb. Her life has become very small. Even though she would like a new job, she’s limited to fully remote options, which are not nearly as abundant as even a couple of years ago.

I would force the issue, frankly. It’s a basic life skill.

She could always learn, she's only 40. My parents had a friend who got his license at 65 (also NYC). I think he had one when young but it had been lapsed 40 odd years.

[Anonymous]

My mom never learned to drive, and always took public transportation. I didn't learn to drive until I was 19, because I really liked riding my bicycle everywhere.

It's a very useful skill, but not absolutely necessary.

[Anonymous]

We've entered the era of Uber, Lyft, Zipcar, self driving cars and what not. There is no need to learn driving if she doesn't want to. Its going to be as good as cursive writing.

[Anonymous]

where do you live? in dc or suburbs? does your dd have any internship plans this summer?

you could refuse to drive her places. ask her how she plans to get around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s a worst case scenario: I have a relative, aged 40, who to this day hasn’t learned to drive and it’s seriously limited her opportunities in work, dating, and life.

Like a PP she grew up in NYC and lived in walkable cities - until a few years ago, when life circumstances brought her to a non-walkable suburb. Her life has become very small. Even though she would like a new job, she’s limited to fully remote options, which are not nearly as abundant as even a couple of years ago.

I would force the issue, frankly. It’s a basic life skill.

She could always learn, she's only 40. My parents had a friend who got his license at 65 (also NYC). I think he had one when young but it had been lapsed 40 odd years.

Learning is very hard past 30s. You are much more aware of the risk and danger, and inner ear viscosity means it feels worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've entered the era of Uber, Lyft, Zipcar, self driving cars and what not. There is no need to learn driving if she doesn't want to. Its going to be as good as cursive writing.

Commuting by uber will be quite expensive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have little respect for you or your daughter if she didn't learn this basic skill, a life skill.

My son's fiancé is from NYC and is 24 and doesn't know how to drive. They live in the city without a car. He knows how to drive and has a valid license. She will learn if move out of the city.

[Anonymous]

What’s going on with this country’s youth?

Based on dcum posts, I’m surprised to learn that so many teens are too scared to drive and many 8 year olds are still wearing diapers.

[Anonymous]

This is why I am pushing my still a minor child to do it. I can see him in a precisely the same predicament!
Idk how much one can push a 20 yo but don’t pay for their uber!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s a worst case scenario: I have a relative, aged 40, who to this day hasn’t learned to drive and it’s seriously limited her opportunities in work, dating, and life.

Like a PP she grew up in NYC and lived in walkable cities - until a few years ago, when life circumstances brought her to a non-walkable suburb. Her life has become very small. Even though she would like a new job, she’s limited to fully remote options, which are not nearly as abundant as even a couple of years ago.

I would force the issue, frankly. It’s a basic life skill.

She could always learn, she's only 40. My parents had a friend who got his license at 65 (also NYC). I think he had one when young but it had been lapsed 40 odd years.

Learning is very hard past 30s. You are much more aware of the risk and danger, and inner ear viscosity means it feels worse.

As someone who learned at 36 I agree. Took me 10+ years to actually be comfortable behind the wheel and another couple years to actually enjoy it.
I still avoid big cities, narrow mountain roads, pedestrian areas as well as rental or other people’s cars altogether.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have little respect for you or your daughter if she didn't learn this basic skill, a life skill.

I think it’s too harsh. As someone prone to anxiety who has a much less anxious but lazy teen, it’s so hard to always have to make him learn and do things.
There’s also this balance between being a tiger parent and a lax parent which is hard to strike in today’s society. Some say let them be they’ll learn when they needs it. Others say don’t let your lazy kid slack off.
Add to it the number of teens with all the invisible disabilities and there you have the perfect storm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD is 20 years old and very nervous about learning to drive. She needs to know how, in an emergency, and the driver's license in our country is basically our universal ID card. I think if she conquered her fears, her confidence would grow.
She passed the written test--hurray!--on her first try. But getting her behind the wheel has been very difficult ("I'm working...I'm tired...") and I don't know how hard to push it.

Where do you live? DD was late to get her license and she’s still not super comfortable driving so opts for public transporta