Tell me not to have another baby (please!)

[Anonymous]

I just genuinely don’t think having a fourth is a decision you will regret. The gift of more siblings for my kids and another mind to raise outweighs the 5-6 months of bad nights, the postpartum weight loss game, and the few bad months of pregnancy. Life is short. Take advantage of being able to bring another life into the world. Love my kids more and more the older they get. I’d rather my kids be in one less activity than have one less human in their lives. Not a baby person but late 30s and considering a sixth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just genuinely don’t think having a fourth is a decision you will regret. The gift of more siblings for my kids and another mind to raise outweighs the 5-6 months of bad nights, the postpartum weight loss game, and the few bad months of pregnancy. Life is short. Take advantage of being able to bring another life into the world. Love my kids more and more the older they get. I’d rather my kids be in one less activity than have one less human in their lives. Not a baby person but late 30s and considering a sixth.

You may as well because studies show that people who have more than four children age faster and have shorter lifespans, and you’ve already crossed that threshold: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/parents-might-age-faster-or-slower-based-on-how-many-kids-they-have/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just genuinely don’t think having a fourth is a decision you will regret. The gift of more siblings for my kids and another mind to raise outweighs the 5-6 months of bad nights, the postpartum weight loss game, and the few bad months of pregnancy. Life is short. Take advantage of being able to bring another life into the world. Love my kids more and more the older they get. I’d rather my kids be in one less activity than have one less human in their lives. Not a baby person but late 30s and considering a sixth.

You may as well because studies show that people who have more than four children age faster and have shorter lifespans, and you’ve already crossed that threshold: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/parents-might-age-faster-or-slower-based-on-how-many-kids-they-have/

I don’t think you choose to have a big family “because” you’re trying to speed your death but thanks for the thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just genuinely don’t think having a fourth is a decision you will regret. The gift of more siblings for my kids and another mind to raise outweighs the 5-6 months of bad nights, the postpartum weight loss game, and the few bad months of pregnancy. Life is short. Take advantage of being able to bring another life into the world. Love my kids more and more the older they get. I’d rather my kids be in one less activity than have one less human in their lives. Not a baby person but late 30s and considering a sixth.

You may as well because studies show that people who have more than four children age faster and have shorter lifespans, and you’ve already crossed that threshold: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/parents-might-age-faster-or-slower-based-on-how-many-kids-they-have/

I don’t think you choose to have a big family “because” you’re trying to speed your death but thanks for the thought.

I don’t think so either, but I read that article yesterday and it’s definitely food for thought, and I think worth considering the consequences. My grandmother had 5 kids and was the youngest to die out of all 4 of my grandparents. She died quite young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just genuinely don’t think having a fourth is a decision you will regret. The gift of more siblings for my kids and another mind to raise outweighs the 5-6 months of bad nights, the postpartum weight loss game, and the few bad months of pregnancy. Life is short. Take advantage of being able to bring another life into the world. Love my kids more and more the older they get. I’d rather my kids be in one less activity than have one less human in their lives. Not a baby person but late 30s and considering a sixth.

You may as well because studies show that people who have more than four children age faster and have shorter lifespans, and you’ve already crossed that threshold: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/parents-might-age-faster-or-slower-based-on-how-many-kids-they-have/

This study was conducted on twins only, born between 1880 and 1957, in Finland. That probably isn't any of us.

[Anonymous]

I had the third and I think they have special needs. It has been devastating for me. My oldest was diagnosed with the same special needs after my third was born.

I love my kids more than anything, but this life is completely not what I dreamed of for any of us. I’m still processing my grief.

If rationally you don’t want a baby, don’t do it. Even in the best case scenario where everyone is healthy, it adds a lot of logistics and cost to your life. It extends the baby phase. And if you’re unlucky in the special needs department like we have been, it can be devastating for everyone.

I had all three kids under 35 and had no risk factors. Be really sure you want a third kid and think long and hard about whether you are equipped to handle special needs even if the odds are low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had the third and I think they have special needs. It has been devastating for me. My oldest was diagnosed with the same special needs after my third was born.

I love my kids more than anything, but this life is completely not what I dreamed of for any of us. I’m still processing my grief.

If rationally you don’t want a baby, don’t do it. Even in the best case scenario where everyone is healthy, it adds a lot of logistics and cost to your life. It extends the baby phase. And if you’re unlucky in the special needs department like we have been, it can be devastating for everyone.

I had all three kids under 35 and had no risk factors. Be really sure you want a third kid and think long and hard about whether you are equipped to handle special needs even if the odds are low.

Editing because I just saw this is for a fourth kid. No, do not have a fourth kid. Enjoy the three you have. You’re aging and have three presumably healthy kids. Do not rock the boat

[Anonymous]

What if you die?
Maybe low likelihood, but that is what I tell myself when the thought creeps in that romanticizes a fourth. Difference, I'm 39 and youngest is 3. After that first thought, I just don't really want to change our lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't have another baby (kidding. Following request.)

But seriously - as someone who had a child older (because that's when life gave me partner/financial readiness), I'll gently say I take really seriously having another kid 40+. Are you OK if there are health challenges with your child? Or have you talked with your spouse about making a sensitive decision if the NIPT shows something wrong, especially in an environment that is not welcoming to women in these circumstances? Wish you the best with your and spouse's decision.

Taking into consideration both your DH and your age (a lot a people don’t factor in the dad’s age) the potential for a child to have special needs is high, even if it’s mild (like adhd, etc).

As someone who had kids later, once you’re past the baby years, it’s a LOT harder to have the energy to manage my mildly special needs child.

Enjoy your friends babies!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It always makes me sad to read posts like this that basically say "Listen to me not focus at all on the kids I already have while I choose to focus on how I liked them better when they had chubbier legs."

Spend your energy on the kids you have and make the decision that you yourself acknowledge is the most responsible. Be an adult. No more babies. You don't have babies anymore and you have to accept it.

+100

[Anonymous]

If both you and your DH would be thrilled to have another baby, I say, go for it. Nothing in your post says another baby would be disastrous for your lives.

[Anonymous]

I just posted the same question last night, except I’m 18 months older than you!

I want a third but DH does not, and we both agree I am too old for this to be a wise decision.

Yet, I ruminate on this desire daily — wish I’d pushed for the third three years ago, before turning 40.

No advice, just letting you know I feel you!