Should I continue dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh boy I'm f**d. I'm divorced and only make $112k. I guess I shouldn't even try dating. I thought women had their own money and don't care.

What's the minimum income required to date a woman?

Also divorced. I was making that in my early 30s. I am late 40s. I make 200k; a man I date should make what I make. A man for fun is when I don’t care about money. But a relationship? You better bring at least what I bring.

Yea I don’t know where all these low paid US born men are crawling under. And what they were all doing between there birth and age 50 in the US where money is like dirt under your feet.
I had an immigrant come from Wayfair to assemble furniture last week. The dude says he was making $120k working part time. He came to the US 2 years ago

You should ask him his journey to come here? You have understood that this man is a driven man and if leaving his country was the path to success then he will everything to do so. There are millions of other men like him in his country, why didn't they make the journey?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A 48-year-old man making 120K is quite sad. My 22-year-old recently graduated from CMU, and he makes almost 500K/yr in his first job as an AI engineer.

I know one kid like your son when I graduated back in 2004. At that time he was offered $300k/year which was unheard of. If he is truly similar to that kid, then your child is extremely talented and absolute rarity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh boy I'm f**d. I'm divorced and only make $112k. I guess I shouldn't even try dating. I thought women had their own money and don't care.

What's the minimum income required to date a woman?

Also divorced. I was making that in my early 30s. I am late 40s. I make 200k; a man I date should make what I make. A man for fun is when I don’t care about money. But a relationship? You better bring at least what I bring.

Yea I don’t know where all these low paid US born men are crawling under. And what they were all doing between there birth and age 50 in the US where money is like dirt under your feet.
I had an immigrant come from Wayfair to assemble furniture last week. The dude says he was making $120k working part time. He came to the US 2 years ago

You should ask him his journey to come here? You have understood that this man is a driven man and if leaving his country was the path to success then he will everything to do so. There are millions of other men like him in his country, why didn't they make the journey?

He was a Ukrainian. A prior warrior who was at the war but his wife got pregnant and was able to get them evacuate. He was assembling furniture (you know that “click furniture assembly” option at Wayfair).

Real men are warriors and would do everything necessary to provide and protect their family.

The lived in a modern all amenities complex in my city 2 years after getting here. The wife opened a translating firm. Both highly educated

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You want to have a child with some 50 year old divorced loser?

No. No. No.

His sperm will put your child at high risk of abnormalities. Find a younger man to have children with.

Yes - women should stop procreating with such lazy old losers
OP will have a happier family life and healthier offspring if she goes for a young immigrant lifeguard or uber driver. This is who should produce next generation of Americans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:39 year old recently started dating a 48 year old man. He married a woman in his early thirties who already had two little kids and helped raise them and provide for them financially. His ex wife and him did not get along as she developed alcoholism and they are now divorced.

He lives in a small rental apartment and has a decent job in the policy sector in dc. We have not discussed finances but I presume he makes something like 130k.

While we have great chemistry and enjoy each others company I wonder if he would be ready to try to have a biological child now, if we were to get serious and head down that path. I also wonder if he can afford to have a family. I make 150k and don’t really want to marry someone who makes less than me.

What would you advise?

what does money has to do with you having kids with this guy? He makes decent money too so what's the concern here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband makes half my income so I don't think that's a deal breaker. He has more flexibility and takes on more at home and with childcare (like with school delayed and possibly closing tomorrow, he will handle it). And yes, you can raise a child on a combined income of $250-300k ::

But if you haven't even talked about whether he wants to have another kid...why not, OP?! This is time sensitive information for you. Better to know sooner rather than later if the answer isn't one you like.

Is your husband also 10 years older than you ?

If a couple has shared goals and values, it doesn’t really matter. Not everyone wants private school and high-end everything. DH and I are middle class and pursued Fed jobs for work-life balance, and we are content. Perhaps you, or OP wouldn’t be.

Only on dcum is 120k considered a disgrace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He needs your income to supplement his and for you to be mommy to his kids. He may be willing to have a child with you to get that deal.

They are not even his kids unless he legally adopted them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the only thing that is certain, is soon... you will be unable to have biological kids. At 39+ that's the only reality that matters. Work with your odds right now and go to a sperm bank. Want to become a mother, become a mother. Do it solo. You may find your spouse/partner later. But at your age, finding the right/best guy right now, there is no way you have this luxury. I wouldn't say this if you were younger.

Terrible advice. Her odds of finding a partner as a SMBC making only $150K are near zero.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:39 year old recently started dating a 48 year old man. He married a woman in his early thirties who already had two little kids and helped raise them and provide for them financially. His ex wife and him did not get along as she developed alcoholism and they are now divorced.

He lives in a small rental apartment and has a decent job in the policy sector in dc. We have not discussed finances but I presume he makes something like 130k.

While we have great chemistry and enjoy each others company I wonder if he would be ready to try to have a biological child now, if we were to get serious and head down that path. I also wonder if he can afford to have a family. I make 150k and don’t really want to marry someone who makes less than me.

What would you advise?

what does money has to do with you having kids with this guy? He makes decent money too so what's the concern here.

Of course it has to do with having kids. First, he’s old and procreating with him causes higher autism risk for offspring
Second, at least 25-30% of his income will be going towards his kids from prior marriage.
Third, this makes OP the breadwinner in future marriage plus she would have to be pregnant, birth kids and provide critical care to them while kids are young.
Forth, it creates a bad dynamic in the relationship ripe for future conflicts.
Lastly, a joint income of $200k doesn’t buy much in DMV.

OP is younger and can find a man without kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want kids you don’t need a man to make that happen.

Well, then she'd be raising a kind on $150k, and she didn't think $280k combined was enough!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want kids you don’t need a man to make that happen.

Well, then she'd be raising a kind on $150k, and she didn't think $280k combined was enough!

That's not 280K combined. Thats her 150K plus his 120K minus 30%*120=84,000 (net of his expenses on kids from prior marriage). So she would be contributing almost double into joint point than him, and he will have much less time available towards their joint kids, vacations etc. Plus OP is on hook for alimony/child support to him, should marriage fall apart. They would certainly buy a house/rent a bigger place so his extra marginal contribution would be "eaten" by these higher mortage/rental expenses to accommodate the large family, his kids visiting etc.

I think OP is better off financially raising one kid at a smaller apartment and bears zero risk of loosing custody, CS or alimony

[Anonymous]

It seems like OP's BF's kids would be older teens or even college students by now. Child support isn't even on the table, and if it still is, it will end soon. (He is 48 and these kids were already born when he married their mom 15 years ago.)

"39 year old recently started dating a 48 year old man. He married a woman in his early thirties who already had two little kids and helped raise them and provide for them financially."

[Anonymous]

As an fyi, if he is a fed you can google his salary, it is a public record so you do not need to guess.

It is unclear if he has child support obligations, that would surprise me.

Your combined income is more than enough to raise a family, but the real question is whether (1) he wants that in his future, and (2) your values are aligned and it’s enough given your values and goals.

You won’t know until you talk to him, and if you cannot have conversations about serious topics I suggest you don’t get married and have a child.

[Anonymous]

I will add, searching salaries are generally three years or so behind the actual. At his age he should be at the top of the scale for his grade.

[Anonymous]

If OP is in DC, $150K is not enough to raise a child on your own here unless you've got family money or family that is nearby and willing/able to provide childcare and maybe even housing. In addition to covering the current expenses of baby care, you need to be saving enough so that you won't be a burden on the child when you retire, and on top of that, you need to be saving enough for them to attend college in 20 years. It's already about $30K/year for a kid to live on campus at the local in-state public university.

OP needs to understand that two people earning what she and her BF make together will go much farther than one person carrying 100% of the costs. Two really do live more cheaply than one.