UVA professor: get married young

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah this article isn't just pushing getting married young but a specific version of marriage as well.

And I think it is likely to backfire. Portraying marrying young as being part of the right wing stuff isn't going to be attractive to many young women.

I'm someone who married young but this rhetoric was a bit skin crawling.

Yep. And it is also a tell that he doesn’t actually care about the well-being of families and children. The RW commenters who actually genuinely believe that family and kids are beneficial advocate for family friendly policies that help everyone. I think they realize that not only are these policies good for them and their communities, but that the whole point is to make family life seem like an attractive option to younger people - and moral browbeating doesn’t really get you there even if you are religious.

Yes, actually family friendly policies like maternity AND paternity leave, sick leave, PreK, etc.

Yelling at people to get married will do diddly squat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah this article isn't just pushing getting married young but a specific version of marriage as well.

And I think it is likely to backfire. Portraying marrying young as being part of the right wing stuff isn't going to be attractive to many young women.

I'm someone who married young but this rhetoric was a bit skin crawling.

Yep. And it is also a tell that he doesn’t actually care about the well-being of families and children. The RW commenters who actually genuinely believe that family and kids are beneficial advocate for family friendly policies that help everyone. I think they realize that not only are these policies good for them and their communities, but that the whole point is to make family life seem like an attractive option to younger people - and moral browbeating doesn’t really get you there even if you are religious.

Yes, actually family friendly policies like maternity AND paternity leave, sick leave, PreK, etc.

Yelling at people to get married will do diddly squat.

Also giving young women on-ramps to rejoin the workforce later.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on the person. I don’t think you should have to drag it out if you have a really great relationship and you are super sure about it, but I don’t think pushing a 21 year old who are unsure of themselves is a good idea. I was an anxious mess at that age, waiting was the right decision. Everyone should not just marry their college or high school boyfriend. I know someone who is happily married to their college boyfriend, and one who divorced theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought this might be a researched article that provided facts and figures about why it may be positive to get married and have kids young. It’s really just a right wing thought piece written by someone who also happens to be a professor.

Who gives a shit about the young woman’s Christian faith…it’s not relevant to the article and it would be more compelling if the UVA girl getting married young was a raging atheist.

I would be interested in facts-based research on the topic…do married couples get ahead faster at work? Is it better to have kids earlier when you are more junior so you can better lean in to your career by your early 30s?

Exactly. I did a quick search of the origin of the Family Life whatever happiness data he reports and it comes out of BYU. Religiosity is a variable in his research. Which is fine, but he’s either has a major blind spot or is being less than honest by not presenting it as such.

And fwiw, Erika Kirk was 32 when she married a 27 year old Charlie. If she’d married whoever she was dating in her early 20s she wouldn’t have her children. Sometimes things work out the way they’re supposed to as opposed to forcing it because that same podcaster is telling you to do as they say, not as they do.

It was also her second marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought this might be a researched article that provided facts and figures about why it may be positive to get married and have kids young. It’s really just a right wing thought piece written by someone who also happens to be a professor.

Who gives a shit about the young woman’s Christian faith…it’s not relevant to the article and it would be more compelling if the UVA girl getting married young was a raging atheist.

I would be interested in facts-based research on the topic…do married couples get ahead faster at work? Is it better to have kids earlier when you are more junior so you can better lean in to your career by your early 30s?

Exactly. I did a quick search of the origin of the Family Life whatever happiness data he reports and it comes out of BYU. Religiosity is a variable in his research. Which is fine, but he’s either has a major blind spot or is being less than honest by not presenting it as such.

And fwiw, Erika Kirk was 32 when she married a 27 year old Charlie. If she’d married whoever she was dating in her early 20s she wouldn’t have her children. Sometimes things work out the way they’re supposed to as opposed to forcing it because that same podcaster is telling you to do as they say, not as they do.

It was also her second marriage.

And she was swinging on a Tarzan swing on stage 3 weeks after his death.

[Anonymous]

We married at 25 and our last child is graduating from college this year.

Our oldest married at 25 and a year later they’re buying a house in NoVA. They both make decent money and have no intention of having kids yet so they’re saving and investing their extra income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We married at 25 and our last child is graduating from college this year.

Our oldest married at 25 and a year later they’re buying a house in NoVA. They both make decent money and have no intention of having kids yet so they’re saving and investing their extra income.

What do people qualify as a young marriage? I don’t see 25 as a young marriage, my mother was married at 21 and my grandmother was 19. I see a young marriage as 22 and below.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We married at 25 and our last child is graduating from college this year.

Our oldest married at 25 and a year later they’re buying a house in NoVA. They both make decent money and have no intention of having kids yet so they’re saving and investing their extra income.

What do people qualify as a young marriage? I don’t see 25 as a young marriage, my mother was married at 21 and my grandmother was 19. I see a young marriage as 22 and below.

It's youngish compared to the current median marriage ages (29 for men and 28 for women).

I don't know the generation of your mother or grandmother, but the median marriage age for women in the 1950s was 19 and for men 21. Admittedly, there is probably a floor of maybe 18 that existed at least in the 20th century.

[Anonymous]

The article was generally a huge eye roll.

IMO, there are two reasons to be open to getting married early/finding spouse in college: 1) amazing pool of eligible options (but you have to be proactive about it, since dating is rare now);
2) IF you find the right person AND support each other's career goals, you can really benefit financially with two high-flying careers. Children don't have to come right away, but a shared life and stability are cheaper.

Anyway, neither of those need to be policy recommendations, but they are things I hope my kids think about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://www.compactmag.com/article/get-married-young/

Long interesting article from a professor at uva and his recommendation to students.

Nope. I don't want my daughter (or my son) getting married that young. I want them to explore the world, themselves, etc., and then settle down

[Anonymous]

Not everyone cares about marriage and kids and that's fine, but if you know you want those things I think it's smart to start dating for marriage in college. The pool of eligible partners only gets smaller. I didn't marry my college bf but I did meet my husband shortly thereafter in grad school. Looking around at my social circle (which is mostly UMC dual-career couples, not MAGA or religious) most everyone met their eventual spouses in college, grad school, or first jobs. If you wait much longer than that, many (not all, of course) of the best catches of any gender are already off the market even if they live together for a time before marriage and/or wait to have kids.

[Anonymous]

If circumstances are right and you find your person then yes this is good advice. You'll have more energy and less baggage so easier to build a life together. Don't immediately have kids, wait couple if years to make sure all blocks are in right place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought this might be a researched article that provided facts and figures about why it may be positive to get married and have kids young. It’s really just a right wing thought piece written by someone who also happens to be a professor.

Who gives a shit about the young woman’s Christian faith…it’s not relevant to the article and it would be more compelling if the UVA girl getting married young was a raging atheist.

I would be interested in facts-based research on the topic…do married couples get ahead faster at work? Is it better to have kids earlier when you are more junior so you can better lean in to your career by your early 30s?

There's a lot of discussion of the data showing that married young people, especially those with kids, are happier and less lonely than single young people. There's not data about career success from marrying young, but are we more concerned about "getting ahead at work" than we are about being happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As surprised as I would be... on a rational level, I fully support this. Marry and have kids in your twenties. They'll be out and you'll have a whole second life ahead of you in your 40s. Wait a decade and all the money earning years will go to your kids. If you have them young when you have nothing... you don't even know better and can just roll with it all. I did it all wrong for the record. Spent my 20s working, finding myself and living the dream... paying for it now and probably well towards 60s as we have college, high school and grammar school kids now in school til 2037.... I'll be the OLDEST parent at graduation and in the poor house.

If kids are the sole purpose it's better than have them in your mid 30s and beyond, and it seems like you do want them out of the house as fast as possible anyway, so why not just enjoy your child free young years which is better than enjoying an 40s empty nest.

If kids are needed, after mid 30's fertility issues can be a challenge.

[Anonymous]

Women who actually care about other women will openly and candidly talk about FERTILITY issues when having this conversation.

If you want kids, don't wait until your late 30s to get married and start trying.

Yes, there are always the fertile myrtles who can pop out kids in their 40s, but for the majority of women and the majority of circumstances, there is a WINDOW of opportunity in your early 30s to easily have healthy kids.