UVA professor: get married young

[Anonymous]

I think having children as early as possible is ideal. I was never tired. We had tons of energy to be out all day.

My husband and I were 25 with our first baby, we had small apartments until we bought a house at 31 years old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The article makes me uncomfortable and I agree it feel like it's tainted with Maga-ish motivations.

That said, having kids young can be great and I had my one and only at 26 and will be 44 when they go to college and well under 50 when they graduate. That feels hopeful and freeing and vibrant and exciting to me and my partner. So much life ahead!

But life just kind of happens to most people, so planning these things, especially when it comes to finding the right partner at the right time, isn't really something you can control. I envisioned a life with several kids which would have had me still in elementary phases while my now-only is off at college. I'm sure that would have been fine, but turns out I was able to build a successful career while parenting instead which is really rewarding to me.

In the end, it's a win if we can make choices that suit us present-term and long-term, and be grateful for making the most of what we have.

You are really projecting. The professor has a superlative academic record. He can't have a different opinion than the liberal elites without you going MAGA? Ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

I got married young (22) and while it worked for me- I don’t recommend it. When we got married, I didn’t really know myself and decided at 26 to pursue a medical degree. Luckily my husband was supportive but if he wasn’t I would have had to pick between my marriage and career. My friends who got married post grad school never had to face that dilemma. It’s better to get married when you feel like you have a good grasp of yourself.

[Anonymous]

In my social circle (most of us went to elite colleges and professional/grad school), the average age for marriage was around 27-28 and the average age for having our first child was early 30’s. It’s different for everyone. There seemed to be a lot more confidence with the state of the world back then (pre 9/11). Some of us watched our moms struggle with trying to establish careers while juggling motherhood and didn’t want to try doing both at the same time. Many in my cohort including myself were part of that “opt out” generation that left the workforce at some point and then returned when the kids were a little older. This is just one social bubble so I’m definitely not speaking for a lot of people out there.

[Anonymous]

I met my H in college, we got married shortly after graduation, but we didn't have kids until late 30s and early 40s. I'm not American and it's very common in my culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mother is young how the hell does she have a career to support these kids?

Absolutely stupid.

Same way older mothers do - daycare or nanny.
Or live near family and lean on parents to help with childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. The liberated woman will casually date and hookup in her 20’s and early 30’s. The only way to consider getting married young would be an open relationship which is very popular with Gen Z.

I think RBG is pretty liberated. She married, had a baby, then went to law school, then had another baby.
She was influential and made a difference.
I doubt the casual date and hookups of Gen Z is foreshadowing of great impact and accomplishments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got married young (22) and while it worked for me- I don’t recommend it. When we got married, I didn’t really know myself and decided at 26 to pursue a medical degree. Luckily my husband was supportive but if he wasn’t I would have had to pick between my marriage and career. My friends who got married post grad school never had to face that dilemma. It’s better to get married when you feel like you have a good grasp of yourself.

The partner one chooses is of paramount importance.

[Anonymous]

I’m a UVA grad with a religious bent, and I was so embarrassed by this article that I couldn’t even finish it. He kept bashing late marriage. It’s so, so important to find the right person, even if that means waiting longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married at 25 and my marriage is successful in some ways and a failure in others. But no, I don't think there is any legitimate correlation between age of marriage and couple happiness. I suspect this person has a hidden agenda and is just a conservative trying to get the birth rate up.

And what exactly is wrong with that?

Because they're not being honest in their article. The data they give is highly debatable. The article is something my 10th grader could write - actually, I take that back, my 10th grader writes much better.

Overall, this is not worthy of a "professor". If that's the caliber of teacher they have at UVA... it's not great publicity for the university.

You seem angry. LOL

[Anonymous]

"I tell my students that they’ll never again be surrounded by such a large pool of eligible dating prospects as they are in college. What’s more: Given the difficulties so many young adults face when it comes to dating today, I add, they should be extra attentive to seizing the manifest opportunities college presents to find a potential mate." This is such a good point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I tell my students that they’ll never again be surrounded by such a large pool of eligible dating prospects as they are in college. What’s more: Given the difficulties so many young adults face when it comes to dating today, I add, they should be extra attentive to seizing the manifest opportunities college presents to find a potential mate." This is such a good point.

Except that the current generation is incredibly networked through their friends. Assuming they’re reasonably social and willing to stay connected after college, they have the ability to plug into various social circles wherever they take a job.

For example, my DC and all their friends have already connected with a bunch of kids at the colleges they’ll be attending next year - friends of friends from camp or activities or club sports, kids who are family friends (sons/daughters of their parents’ college or grad school friends), kids who moved away in middle school but stayed connected etc.

For even moderately social kids, those connections and social circles only multiply over time. Land a dream job in Chicago after college graduation? Easy to plug in socially, whether it’s person-by-person or through young alumni events etc.

And then there’s work, of course. How many people here met their spouse that way? I can think of six DC couples I know, right off the top of my head. Either co-workers or someone they met in the course of doing their job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I tell my students that they’ll never again be surrounded by such a large pool of eligible dating prospects as they are in college. What’s more: Given the difficulties so many young adults face when it comes to dating today, I add, they should be extra attentive to seizing the manifest opportunities college presents to find a potential mate." This is such a good point.

Except that the current generation is incredibly networked through their friends. Assuming they’re reasonably social and willing to stay connected after college, they have the ability to plug into various social circles wherever they take a job.

For example, my DC and all their friends have already connected with a bunch of kids at the colleges they’ll be attending next year - friends of friends from camp or activities or club sports, kids who are family friends (sons/daughters of their parents’ college or grad school friends), kids who moved away in middle school but stayed connected etc.

For even moderately social kids, those connections and social circles only multiply over time. Land a dream job in Chicago after college graduation? Easy to plug in socially, whether it’s person-by-person or through young alumni events etc.

And then there’s work, of course. How many people here met their spouse that way? I can think of six DC couples I know, right off the top of my head. Either co-workers or someone they met in the course of doing their job.

Kids may be very connected these days with sometimes thousands of online 'connections', yet they still can't find dates or forge long term relationships. And kids with huge networks can also feel lonely. I know many in 20's/30's that are burned out from online dating. Mostly women. Workplace dating is frowned upon these days and very risky due to potential power/harrassment charges. Our older sons met their wonderful spouses in college/grad school. I have a dd in college now and she sees older female cousins who are professionally successful and well-networked, yet struggling with dating and unhappy about that...

[Anonymous]

We’re mid 40’s with a hs senior and junior. Sure there were career tradeoffs in our 30’s but we both had the energy to be present in all of it. Even now, I can pick my kids up from parties at midnight.

When I see the guys my age in dc and arlington pushing strollers they seem to have this look of exhausted desperation. Sure it’s great to work your tail off in the your 20s and 30s, get married while a senior associate and have kids when you’re on track for partner, seems like the financially right decision. By my god, it does seem like the ideal way to spend your 40s. And you kids, when in high school, are going to be ubering all over the dmv while you’re at home sleeping. Theres no right answer, but having kids in your mid 20s seems better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a UVA grad with a religious bent, and I was so embarrassed by this article that I couldn’t even finish it. He kept bashing late marriage. It’s so, so important to find the right person, even if that means waiting longer.

+1