Does the academic giftedness that comes with autism outweigh the social struggles?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm asking because our 3yo DS was just diagnosed with autism. While part of me is worried that he won't fit in socially when he goes to school, another part of me is relieved that he will undoubtedly excel effortlessly, as autism tends to come with academic giftedness. He'll probably graduate high school in the top 1% of his class and go to a T20 college. I know I can't change the fact that he has autism, but I still can't help wondering if his academic and financial success will make his social challenges worth-it.

Don't mean to make you sad. You seem like you need hope.

So much of getting ahead depends on people skills. Only certain jobs and industries tolerate brilliant jerks. And anyone who talks too much, obsesses, doesn't relate to other people's body language cues, etc. can get sidelined. I come from a family of really smart people IQ-wise. The most successful ones are the quiet men. Because they are smart but not annoying. We might have some undiagnosed ADHD. Not sure. We manage because we underachieve our potential and get shunted into individual contributor roles. If we don't burn out, we do okay financially. Some of us have lost jobs because of not having mentors or being annoying to normies.

Just focus on your kid at the stage they are at.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm asking because our 3yo DS was just diagnosed with autism. While part of me is worried that he won't fit in socially when he goes to school, another part of me is relieved that he will undoubtedly excel effortlessly, as autism tends to come with academic giftedness. He'll probably graduate high school in the top 1% of his class and go to a T20 college. I know I can't change the fact that he has autism, but I still can't help wondering if his academic and financial success will make his social challenges worth-it.

I haven't read all the responses, but I think that is good you are trying to look at the positives that may come from your child's disability! We often hear SO MANY negatives, that it can be helpful to try and explore the positives

Autism Spectrum Disorder is just that - a wide spectrum. Medically, there is "Level 1 - low support needs, level 2- moderate support needs, level 3- high support needs". While SOME autistic individuals ARE gifted cognitively, ASD is also often co-occurring with an intellectual disability, ADHD, anxiety, or a specific learning disability. Some autistic individuals are non-verbal, while others are highly verbal and develop the ability to "mask" to try and blend into social situations (which is exhausting). Some questions for you to consider (you don't need to answer here) is:

- Who diagnosed Autism? Has he/she had a full psychological and autism evaluation? The "gold star" for assessing Autism is the ADOS/ADI - it's a two part process where the child undergoes a structured autism interview and the parent completes an autism interview. Were you able to find out some cognitive results? Adaptive functioning? Speech? Those are important pieces, but I will also add that cognitive testing is not super accurate at 3 years old, so you would want to get them re-evaluated within 3 years.

-If your child has not undergone a thorough evaluation, where you can get a good baseline understanding of where their strengths and needs are right now, I would start there either privately or through your local school system.

- I would review what services are recommended through whatever testing was done and get your child on all the "wait-lists" for Occupational Therapy, Speech therapy, ABA therapy, and join a parenting support group to learn more and connect with other parents. Your child may not need all of those services, but those are often the ones that are initially explored.

I have an autistic child (level 1) who also has ADHD and is mildly gifted "AuDHD". My child is now in 5th grade and while they are getting straight As in school, their disability impacts them A LOT and it's been a really hard journey. They have struggled so much behaviorally at school and home, they are often bored at school and are not challenged in a way that works for them, they have struggled so, so, so much with friendships and sibling/family interactions and we are constantly trying to support them with their mental health; they are at super high risk for serious mental health concerns as they begin to navigate adolescence. They have the POTENTIAL for incredible success, but getting there is a really, hard path. I honestly think my child who has ADHD and a specific learning disability, but is NOT gifted or autistic, will have a much easier path getting through school and getting into a college/career than my older child.

I really encourage you to dive into the supports that you can and ALWAYS celebrate your child's wonderful strengths, but it's a journey and best taken one step at a time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm asking because our 3yo DS was just diagnosed with autism. While part of me is worried that he won't fit in socially when he goes to school, another part of me is relieved that he will undoubtedly excel effortlessly, as autism tends to come with academic giftedness. He'll probably graduate high school in the top 1% of his class and go to a T20 college. I know I can't change the fact that he has autism, but I still can't help wondering if his academic and financial success will make his social challenges worth-it.

I haven't read all the responses, but I think that is good you are trying to look at the positives that may come from your child's disability! We often hear SO MANY negatives, that it can be helpful to try and explore the positives

Autism Spectrum Disorder is just that - a wide spectrum. Medically, there is "Level 1 - low support needs, level 2- moderate support needs, level 3- high support needs". While SOME autistic individuals ARE gifted cognitively, ASD is also often co-occurring with an intellectual disability, ADHD, anxiety, or a specific learning disability. Some autistic individuals are non-verbal, while others are highly verbal and develop the ability to "mask" to try and blend into social situations (which is exhausting). Some questions for you to consider (you don't need to answer here) is:

- Who diagnosed Autism? Has he/she had a full psychological and autism evaluation? The "gold star" for assessing Autism is the ADOS/ADI - it's a two part process where the child undergoes a structured autism interview and the parent completes an autism interview. Were you able to find out some cognitive results? Adaptive functioning? Speech? Those are important pieces, but I will also add that cognitive testing is not super accurate at 3 years old, so you would want to get them re-evaluated within 3 years.

-If your child has not undergone a thorough evaluation, where you can get a good baseline understanding of where their strengths and needs are right now, I would start there either privately or through your local school system.

- I would review what services are recommended through whatever testing was done and get your child on all the "wait-lists" for Occupational Therapy, Speech therapy, ABA therapy, and join a parenting support group to learn more and connect with other parents. Your child may not need all of those services, but those are often the ones that are initially explored.

I have an autistic child (level 1) who also has ADHD and is mildly gifted "AuDHD". My child is now in 5th grade and while they are getting straight As in school, their disability impacts them A LOT and it's been a really hard journey. They have struggled so much behaviorally at school and home, they are often bored at school and are not challenged in a way that works for them, they have struggled so, so, so much with friendships and sibling/family interactions and we are constantly trying to support them with their mental health; they are at super high risk for serious mental health concerns as they begin to navigate adolescence. They have the POTENTIAL for incredible success, but getting there is a really, hard path. I honestly think my child who has ADHD and a specific learning disability, but is NOT gifted or autistic, will have a much easier path getting through school and getting into a college/career than my older child.

I really encourage you to dive into the supports that you can and ALWAYS celebrate your child's wonderful strengths, but it's a journey and best taken one step at a time.

What makes you think your older child will stop excelling in school?

[Anonymous]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

You are extremely naive. I like you positivity though. Many kids with autism are extremely intelligent, however, they don’t have the social skills to go to a college environment. Too much anxiety. My nephew is brilliant but works at a grocery store because he can’t even handle a stranger saying hello to him. My dad also had autism. Brilliant, but massive learning disabilities and didn’t go to a great college. Excelled at his career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, academic giftedness doesn’t always translate to financial success. The most financially successful member of my family is someone who is smart but most importantly has a high EQ.

For example, my nephew is autistic. Went to a top northeast private. Perfect SAT score. Scholarship to an IV. For PhD, got offered scholarship to Cal-tech, Stanford and two Ivies. Currently doing PhD in physics at one of the schools after taking some time off. At 29, he has never had a girlfriend. The world outside of academics is pretty confusing them. Their mother, who is on the spectrum as well, but less pronounced was academically gifted but not at her son’s level - she learned 3 languages within an 3 her span with ease. But, guess what, suffers severe depression, anxiety and is bipolar. An impulse spender, is unable to manage her finances, gets overwhelmed easily and therefore unable to keep a job. Older sibling manages her finances to keep her from going homeless. I’ll be honest, her mental health struggles has been like a sentence to those close to her, as she is an extremely stressful person to deal with on a regular basis. She’s mid 50s.

Is she divorced? When

Yes, she is divorced. She’s had only two romantic relationships. The first one at 18, the second mid-20’s. She’s been single for a very long time and has no particular interest in pursuing a romantic relationship. She loves staying home, reading and going out to do her hair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm asking because our 3yo DS was just diagnosed with autism. While part of me is worried that he won't fit in socially when he goes to school, another part of me is relieved that he will undoubtedly excel effortlessly, as autism tends to come with academic giftedness. He'll probably graduate high school in the top 1% of his class and go to a T20 college. I know I can't change the fact that he has autism, but I still can't help wondering if his academic and financial success will make his social challenges worth-it.

I haven't read all the responses, but I think that is good you are trying to look at the positives that may come from your child's disability! We often hear SO MANY negatives, that it can be helpful to try and explore the positives

Autism Spectrum Disorder is just that - a wide spectrum. Medically, there is "Level 1 - low support needs, level 2- moderate support needs, level 3- high support needs". While SOME autistic individuals ARE gifted cognitively, ASD is also often co-occurring with an intellectual disability, ADHD, anxiety, or a specific learning disability. Some autistic individuals are non-verbal, while others are highly verbal and develop the ability to "mask" to try and blend into social situations (which is exhausting). Some questions for you to consider (you don't need to answer here) is:

- Who diagnosed Autism? Has he/she had a full psychological and autism evaluation? The "gold star" for assessing Autism is the ADOS/ADI - it's a two part process where the child undergoes a structured autism interview and the parent completes an autism interview. Were you able to find out some cognitive results? Adaptive functioning? Speech? Those are important pieces, but I will also add that cognitive testing is not super accurate at 3 years old, so you would want to get them re-evaluated within 3 years.

-If your child has not undergone a thorough evaluation, where you can get a good baseline understanding of where their strengths and needs are right now, I would start there either privately or through your local school system.

- I would review what services are recommended through whatever testing was done and get your child on all the "wait-lists" for Occupational Therapy, Speech therapy, ABA therapy, and join a parenting support group to learn more and connect with other parents. Your child may not need all of those services, but those are often the ones that are initially explored.

I have an autistic child (level 1) who also has ADHD and is mildly gifted "AuDHD". My child is now in 5th grade and while they are getting straight As in school, their disability impacts them A LOT and it's been a really hard journey. They have struggled so much behaviorally at school and home, they are often bored at school and are not challenged in a way that works for them, they have struggled so, so, so much with friendships and sibling/family interactions and we are constantly trying to support them with their mental health; they are at super high risk for serious mental health concerns as they begin to navigate adolescence. They have the POTENTIAL for incredible success, but getting there is a really, hard path. I honestly think my child who has ADHD and a specific learning disability, but is NOT gifted or autistic, will have a much easier path getting through school and getting into a college/career than my older child.

I really encourage you to dive into the supports that you can and ALWAYS celebrate your child's wonderful strengths, but it's a journey and best taken one step at a time.

That part.

[Anonymous]

Only your son can tell you if it’s worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm asking because our 3yo DS was just diagnosed with autism. While part of me is worried that he won't fit in socially when he goes to school, another part of me is relieved that he will undoubtedly excel effortlessly, as autism tends to come with academic giftedness. He'll probably graduate high school in the top 1% of his class and go to a T20 college. I know I can't change the fact that he has autism, but I still can't help wondering if his academic and financial success will make his social challenges worth-it.

Maybe he will be smart enough to tell you that one does not graduate an educational institution but one is graduated from an educational institution.

The way it is commonly said in the US is that someone graduated from an educational institution. "Lauren graduated from Stanford." No "is" included.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, academic giftedness doesn’t always translate to financial success. The most financially successful member of my family is someone who is smart but most importantly has a high EQ.

For example, my nephew is autistic. Went to a top northeast private. Perfect SAT score. Scholarship to an IV. For PhD, got offered scholarship to Cal-tech, Stanford and two Ivies. Currently doing PhD in physics at one of the schools after taking some time off. At 29, he has never had a girlfriend. The world outside of academics is pretty confusing them. Their mother, who is on the spectrum as well, but less pronounced was academically gifted but not at her son’s level - she learned 3 languages within an 3 her span with ease. But, guess what, suffers severe depression, anxiety and is bipolar. An impulse spender, is unable to manage her finances, gets overwhelmed easily and therefore unable to keep a job. Older sibling manages her finances to keep her from going homeless. I’ll be honest, her mental health struggles has been like a sentence to those close to her, as she is an extremely stressful person to deal with on a regular basis. She’s mid 50s.

Is she divorced? When

Yes, she is divorced. She’s had only two romantic relationships. The first one at 18, the second mid-20’s. She’s been single for a very long time and has no particular interest in pursuing a romantic relationship. She loves staying home, reading and going out to do her hair

Again, what’s wrong with that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My AuDHD kid was top of her class, NMSF, 1580 SAT, with tons of advanced and college classes graduating HS.

And, she went to our state flagship. Didn’t even apply to any T20 schools. She is incredibly smart but she knew she needed to be closer to home in a less competitive environment.

Could she have gotten into a T20? Absolutely. Would it have been a good situation for her? Probably not.

+1 same kinda kid who needed social help in elementary years and went to state flagship tech. Glad she will graduate debt free with two engineering degrees.
This person is a troll, right?
They do know that some of the most brilliant people choose not to go to IVY league schools?

[Anonymous]

It depends on the severity of the autism, OP.

My kids are supposedly both level 1 ASD, although the psychologist who diagnosed them doesn't like to use those levels, for good reason: my 20 year old is limited in his life and career potential due to his inability to surmount certain issues that come with his autism, namely his lack of social skills and problems with organization and prioritization. He is in college, but cannot use all the resources at his disposal, which is so irritating at times. My 15 year old is mostly just gifted and is perceived to be introverted, but this only marginally impacts her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My AuDHD kid was top of her class, NMSF, 1580 SAT, with tons of advanced and college classes graduating HS.

And, she went to our state flagship. Didn’t even apply to any T20 schools. She is incredibly smart but she knew she needed to be closer to home in a less competitive environment.

Could she have gotten into a T20? Absolutely. Would it have been a good situation for her? Probably not.

+1 same kinda kid who needed social help in elementary years and went to state flagship tech. Glad she will graduate debt free with two engineering degrees.
This person is a troll, right?
They do know that some of the most brilliant people choose not to go to IVY league schools?

That’s because plenty of top colleges aren’t Ivy Leagues, such as Stanford, Caltech, and MIT.

[Anonymous]

I'm an academic, and man oh man, are there a lot of ASD types who become professors. (I remember a particular faculty meeting where I looked around the conference table and realized that everyone was stimming. Good times.)

One thing that helps is if your particular 'special interest' is something that is potentially saleable to an employer, or if it's something that makes you seem social and fun rather than quirky and weird. Lots of people whose special interest is something medieval renaissance related, and that gets you dates at Ren Faires, but not a lot of job openings for that particular specialty at the university (or elsewhere in the world, I would presume) Probably better if your special interest has something to do with AI or computers, etc.

I am on the spectrum and am married with kids. My husband is great but neither of us has a lot of close friends. We struggle socially. But honestly, my kids' special interests bring them a lot of joy -- whether it's music or World War One artillery or endangered animals.

But I would echo the sentiment that the people who make the big bucks and get into positions of power are the socially skilled B students, not the weirdos like me who did all the reading and then read everything mentioned in the footnotes to prepare for lecture. I see it with my own students.

Also the world is kind of set up for 'bright' students who are normies, more than brilliant students who are not. We had an elementary school teacher who was big on having the kids do oral book reports, etc. and the rubric explicitly gave a grade for eye contact and having an expressive voice, and I remember wondering if I needed to get IEP to not have my kid downgraded for those things, or if it was better to force her to learn those things, and to learn that the world rewards those things. So no, it's not all fun and games.

[Anonymous]

I don’t mean to scare you OP, but there are a tiny minority of autistic kids who are not academically gifted.