Dating game changer: only date men who chase you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmm okay I guess desperate men are going even after leftovers. OP you are not a catch. Keep that in mind. You are in the post divorce honey moon phase lol.

You’re mean. Yo have zero idea what OP is like - she didn’t give details a could be a huge catch. Seriously I wouldn’t waste my time with men who wanted to play games either. Once you’ve BTDT, you’ve BTDT and moved on. It IS that simple

Except OP is the one saying she wants to play games and wants a man to play them too. She wants to play hard to get and have him have to chase her. 100% game playing. She’ll pretend she isn’t interested and says no and wants to see if he will keep initiating and track her down and wear her down until she says yes. If he gives up even when she says no then he isn’t the man for her. It is a tale as old as time but one that should have been left in the past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love a competent man who initiates. Super sexy.

+1
So many men are lazy these days.

Yes. Let the man pick the place for the date. Let the man plan the first 6 dates. A woman can really learn a lot from this approach.

And vice versa

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmm okay I guess desperate men are going even after leftovers. OP you are not a catch. Keep that in mind. You are in the post divorce honey moon phase lol.

You’re mean. Yo have zero idea what OP is like - she didn’t give details a could be a huge catch. Seriously I wouldn’t waste my time with men who wanted to play games either. Once you’ve BTDT, you’ve BTDT and moved on. It IS that simple

Except OP is the one saying she wants to play games and wants a man to play them too. She wants to play hard to get and have him have to chase her. 100% game playing. She’ll pretend she isn’t interested and says no and wants to see if he will keep initiating and track her down and wear her down until she says yes. If he gives up even when she says no then he isn’t the man for her. It is a tale as old as time but one that should have been left in the past.

But at least he will learn that “no” doesn’t mean “no.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve recently started dating after divorce and I only am engaging with men who demonstrate clear and eager interest in me. They call when they say they will, they schedule dates, they are respectful and let me lead the pace.

Why did I waste so much time chasing men who weren’t truly into me?

Ugh!

Be careful. Should you avoid men who chase you.
Men who chase you are only after on thing: sex. Once they have what they wanted, they will chase the next woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not prey. I don't need someone chasing me. I don't play games. Clearly you haven't learned much from a failed marriage given you are starting out in a very unhealthy way.

I don't think OP is talking about playing games. She talks about displaying an interest, being proactive, pursuing the woman, impressing her. I don't think it is unhealthy relationship.

Exactly. Wanting someone who wants you is hardly unhealthy. I'm glad op recognized previous patterns that werent serving her and has adjusted her approach. Very mature. I'm not sure why pps are jumping on her for this.

Seems like one PP who is completely misunderstanding OP's point. OP isn't saying to run away, play games, etc. OP is saying only date men who initiate (kudos to another PP for finding the right word). I cringe when I look back at my 20s and, yes, 30s dating years and realize how much time I wasted on guys who, cliche as it is, just weren't that into me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not prey. I don't need someone chasing me. I don't play games. Clearly you haven't learned much from a failed marriage given you are starting out in a very unhealthy way.

I don't think OP is talking about playing games. She talks about displaying an interest, being proactive, pursuing the woman, impressing her. I don't think it is unhealthy relationship.

Exactly. Wanting someone who wants you is hardly unhealthy. I'm glad op recognized previous patterns that werent serving her and has adjusted her approach. Very mature. I'm not sure why pps are jumping on her for this.

Seems like one PP who is completely misunderstanding OP's point. OP isn't saying to run away, play games, etc. OP is saying only date men who initiate (kudos to another PP for finding the right word). I cringe when I look back at my 20s and, yes, 30s dating years and realize how much time I wasted on guys who, cliche as it is, just weren't that into me.

Initiate what? Asking you out? Planning 6 dates or whatever?. Texts or phone calls?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not prey. I don't need someone chasing me. I don't play games. Clearly you haven't learned much from a failed marriage given you are starting out in a very unhealthy way.

I don't think OP is talking about playing games. She talks about displaying an interest, being proactive, pursuing the woman, impressing her. I don't think it is unhealthy relationship.

Exactly. Wanting someone who wants you is hardly unhealthy. I'm glad op recognized previous patterns that werent serving her and has adjusted her approach. Very mature. I'm not sure why pps are jumping on her for this.

Seems like one PP who is completely misunderstanding OP's point. OP isn't saying to run away, play games, etc. OP is saying only date men who initiate (kudos to another PP for finding the right word). I cringe when I look back at my 20s and, yes, 30s dating years and realize how much time I wasted on guys who, cliche as it is, just weren't that into me.

Initiate what? Asking you out? Planning 6 dates or whatever?. Texts or phone calls?

Initiate active engagement in all of it. Asks a few days in advance if and when I want to meet again; calls when he said he would call; picks up the phone and talks not hurriedly when I call him as agreed; discusses what we both want to do over the weekend; has interesting ideas of what to do; drives to my part of the city to meet without making a fuss; makes advance joint plans for holidays ; expresses interest in hearing how my day went etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Warning - the ones who chase you are not ok.

This. They want you to fall for this trap. Fine with me if you take these men off the market.

[Anonymous]

There was a book 20+ years ago called “He’s Just Not That Into You.” The premise was that if a guy is into you, you’ll know. Good and simple book.

There is also the “Burned Haystack” dating method these days. If a guy shows a red flag or certain patterns, move along so you can find your needle in a haystack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmm okay I guess desperate men are going even after leftovers. OP you are not a catch. Keep that in mind. You are in the post divorce honey moon phase lol.

You’re mean. Yo have zero idea what OP is like - she didn’t give details a could be a huge catch. Seriously I wouldn’t waste my time with men who wanted to play games either. Once you’ve BTDT, you’ve BTDT and moved on. It IS that simple

Except OP is the one saying she wants to play games and wants a man to play them too. She wants to play hard to get and have him have to chase her. 100% game playing. She’ll pretend she isn’t interested and says no and wants to see if he will keep initiating and track her down and wear her down until she says yes. If he gives up even when she says no then he isn’t the man for her. It is a tale as old as time but one that should have been left in the past.

NP. No one said any of that. One has to wonder what's going on with you mentally that you made up a whole monologue in your head and then had a mood swing over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not prey. I don't need someone chasing me. I don't play games. Clearly you haven't learned much from a failed marriage given you are starting out in a very unhealthy way.

I don't think OP is talking about playing games. She talks about displaying an interest, being proactive, pursuing the woman, impressing her. I don't think it is unhealthy relationship.

Exactly. Wanting someone who wants you is hardly unhealthy. I'm glad op recognized previous patterns that werent serving her and has adjusted her approach. Very mature. I'm not sure why pps are jumping on her for this.

Seems like one PP who is completely misunderstanding OP's point. OP isn't saying to run away, play games, etc. OP is saying only date men who initiate (kudos to another PP for finding the right word). I cringe when I look back at my 20s and, yes, 30s dating years and realize how much time I wasted on guys who, cliche as it is, just weren't that into me.

100%. I try to tell my daughter this but as we all know, the heart wants what the heart wants, and hope springs eternal.

[Anonymous]

There was always a pattern in the men who were serious about me. At the end of the date, they would “plan” the next date. What I mean by that is they would mention when they were free next or talk about what we could do on the next date. Basically, they would secure the next date. Our subsequent texts would be about hashing out the details. The guys who were always vague at the end of the date never really panned out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There was always a pattern in the men who were serious about me. At the end of the date, they would “plan” the next date. What I mean by that is they would mention when they were free next or talk about what we could do on the next date. Basically, they would secure the next date. Our subsequent texts would be about hashing out the details. The guys who were always vague at the end of the date never really panned out.

Yes, these are just basic social cues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not prey. I don't need someone chasing me. I don't play games. Clearly you haven't learned much from a failed marriage given you are starting out in a very unhealthy way.

I don't think OP is talking about playing games. She talks about displaying an interest, being proactive, pursuing the woman, impressing her. I don't think it is unhealthy relationship.

Exactly. Wanting someone who wants you is hardly unhealthy. I'm glad op recognized previous patterns that werent serving her and has adjusted her approach. Very mature. I'm not sure why pps are jumping on her for this.

Seems like one PP who is completely misunderstanding OP's point. OP isn't saying to run away, play games, etc. OP is saying only date men who initiate (kudos to another PP for finding the right word). I cringe when I look back at my 20s and, yes, 30s dating years and realize how much time I wasted on guys who, cliche as it is, just weren't that into me.

Initiate what? Asking you out? Planning 6 dates or whatever?. Texts or phone calls?

Initiate active engagement in all of it. Asks a few days in advance if and when I want to meet again; calls when he said he would call; picks up the phone and talks not hurriedly when I call him as agreed; discusses what we both want to do over the weekend; has interesting ideas of what to do; drives to my part of the city to meet without making a fuss; makes advance joint plans for holidays ; expresses interest in hearing how my day went etc.

So reciprocating. I can get behind reciprocating and showing a mutual level of interest.
I can't get behind a man must make all first moves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not prey. I don't need someone chasing me. I don't play games. Clearly you haven't learned much from a failed marriage given you are starting out in a very unhealthy way.

I don't think OP is talking about playing games. She talks about displaying an interest, being proactive, pursuing the woman, impressing her. I don't think it is unhealthy relationship.

Exactly. Wanting someone who wants you is hardly unhealthy. I'm glad op recognized previous patterns that werent serving her and has adjusted her approach. Very mature. I'm not sure why pps are jumping on her for this.

Seems like one PP who is completely misunderstanding OP's point. OP isn't saying to run away, play games, etc. OP is saying only date men who initiate (kudos to another PP for finding the right word). I cringe when I look back at my 20s and, yes, 30s dating years and realize how much time I wasted on guys who, cliche as it is, just weren't that into me.

Initiate what? Asking you out? Planning 6 dates or whatever?. Texts or phone calls?

Initiate active engagement in all of it. Asks a few days in advance if and when I want to meet again; calls when he said he would call; picks up the phone and talks not hurriedly when I call him as agreed; discusses what we both want to do over the weekend; has interesting ideas of what to do; drives to my part of the city to meet without making a fuss; makes advance joint plans for holidays ; expresses interest in hearing how my day went etc.

So reciprocating. I can get behind reciprocating and showing a mutual level of interest.
I can't get behind a man must make all first moves.

Then try to make first moves with men you like . See what happens. You’ll understand right away