35, pregnant, and unwed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, get a marriage license next week, book an officiant (JP? Family lawyer?) and have a nice old fashioned (1950s, 60s, 70s, 80s) wedding ceremony in your dad’s living room with just the immediate family with cocktails and finger foods reception immediately thereafter. You can all wear Sunday best without going full wedding.

If you really want to do a big wedding a year later great - or maybe by then you’ll be happier going on a trip with husband and child.

If you and fiancé want to marry before baby comes, and want to do low key - just compromise and marry with your dad present. He wants to see you married, that’s sweet.

Omg hell no
OP this is 2025 no one needs to be married

Ignore them be happy and fir gods sake grow the hell up you are about to bring a child into this world

It’s none of their dam business if you are married

You are missing that there are very important financial implications down the line, and that this is all her father cares about, and he is right to do so. This isn't about "how it looks". It's about who will help OP take care of the child financially. Who supports OP when she gets mommy-tracked. Who will pay for college. Who will inherit what.

And these considerations are EXACTLY why OP's significant other is stalling. He's realizing this too.

Reject tradition at your own risk, PP. This is about money.

+1 I would not feel comfortable with this situation either. I got married at 33, btw, and had my first at almost 35. No way would I have a child without the full legal financial support of the dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, get a marriage license next week, book an officiant (JP? Family lawyer?) and have a nice old fashioned (1950s, 60s, 70s, 80s) wedding ceremony in your dad’s living room with just the immediate family with cocktails and finger foods reception immediately thereafter. You can all wear Sunday best without going full wedding.

If you really want to do a big wedding a year later great - or maybe by then you’ll be happier going on a trip with husband and child.

If you and fiancé want to marry before baby comes, and want to do low key - just compromise and marry with your dad present. He wants to see you married, that’s sweet.

Omg hell no
OP this is 2025 no one needs to be married

Ignore them be happy and fir gods sake grow the hell up you are about to bring a child into this world

It’s none of their dam business if you are married

You are missing that there are very important financial implications down the line, and that this is all her father cares about, and he is right to do so. This isn't about "how it looks". It's about who will help OP take care of the child financially. Who supports OP when she gets mommy-tracked. Who will pay for college. Who will inherit what.

And these considerations are EXACTLY why OP's significant other is stalling. He's realizing this too.

Reject tradition at your own risk, PP. This is about money.

I'm the PP above. My parents had me before they got married. I was a flower girl at their wedding. My grandfather cared about me getting baptized more than he cared about his daughter getting married Nobody pressured my mother too much to get married, because my father was just at the start of his career and not making much - the expectation was that they would get married in due course, which they did, 3 years later. But OP's boyfriend is much older and is already established. He should know better than to leave OP hanging. The civil contract needs to be signed before the birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 35 years old and starting my second trimester. My SO and I have been happily together for 1.5 years. We met when I was 18, tried dating throughout the years but the timing was always off until recently. I lost my mother unexpectedly in August of 2024, so when I found out I was pregnant I was both elated and sad; very bittersweet. However, I knew the baby was a blessing and it was the most at peace I felt in years.

My SO is well off, a man of his word, reliable, works hard, and we get a long well, so although we’re not married I’m happy he’s the father. We had talked about marriage before the pregnancy, so we want to make sure we’re legally married. He asked for my father’s hand already. We told my dad about me pregnant and he was not happy. Neither was my older brother. My dad, who I guess up until this point absolutely adored my SO. He said he wished I was married beforehand, which I assured him we planned on being legally married before giving birth. That wasn’t good enough I guess because he said it would be a “rushed job” and that he’s worried that he just wants to marry me because of the baby. My brother said I’m rushing things. Great.

We announced my pregnancy to our families on Thanksgiving. His family was so excited, my on the other hand, not so much. My mom’s sisters were happy but everyone else, mainly my uncles didn’t say a word. In fact, one of them sat next to me after we announced and asked if I was okay. I told him I was and asked if he was. Then, he asked if I was happy and I told him yes. He slow nodded and said, “Okay. I’m happy if you’re happy”. The crazy thing is, this uncle grew up with my SO’s family and they’ve been close since he was a boy! Even my aunt said the family’s reaction was lukewarm. She chalked it up to the family not knowing my SO very well since he’s only been around the family a handful of times. That’s when I told her it would’ve been different if I was married first.

Today, my father wanted to chit chat. I figured it was about his will since he’s been working on it. Nope. It was to talk about us getting married. The first thing out of his mouth was, “So when is the wedding?”. I was confused because I’m in no shape to plan a wedding for 100+ people right now. I told him there’s no date for that. He said he was confused because he asked for his blessing and said again, that he wished that I was married beforehand. That he doesn’t want him marrying me just because I’m pregnant and to leave me high and dry as a single mother. I reminded him that we planned on being legally married before the baby gets here. Then he wanted to know the date for that. I told him we hadn’t picked a date and we just planned on a no muss, no fuss getting the license and before an officiant just the two of us then a year after the baby we’d having an actual wedding. He said that he and my brother need to be there because he wants to see his daughter get married. I was speaking with my aunt and she said it’s normal for someone to wonder if we’re getting married just because of the baby. Is it at my age?

This whole thing feels like a cluster-f. I’m sure a part of this is due to my hormones but it’s all making me sad and feeling lonely. Most of my family isn’t happy, and my mom not being here makes it feel even lonelier. I was happier before other people knew. None of this would be happening if I was married first…

You aren't married and pregnant. You don't need a wedding all dressed in virginal white with a modest veil to hide your virginal face. Get married so this child isn't thought of as illegitimate and have a party after child is born.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are within the realm of normal, especially if traditional and/or religious, so no need to get huffy about their reaction, but yes to having close family members that want to be there come to the courthouse and yes to setting a date ASAP and locking it in. Maybe even get a dress now so when he proposes you can go to the courthouse right then for the license and get married as soon as eveyone can convene...I think this could be romantic

My aunt got pregnant at 16, the other eloped. My uncle, who is a pastor by the way, has a son who had a baby out of wedlock when was 23? His other son is gay and solicits himself online, while his daughter although is married, her husband cheated on her and had a baby outside of the marriage but they think he walks on water. My dad wants to marry a woman half his age after knowing her for 3 months and only 1.5 after my mom’s passing but this is a “rushed job”. My other uncle went to jail but two adults sharing a bed is off limits (Thanksgiving), or having a baby out of wedlock at 35 & 36 is too much?

I think it’s the hypocrisy and the initializing that I’m having a hard time with.

So you also got together with this guy right when your mother died?

*

So when is the wedding?”. I was confused because I’m in no shape to plan a wedding for 100+ people right now.

And you’re talking about the custom diamond engagement ring you're waiting for right now?

OP sad to say I think your priorities are out of whack. You went off of Pinterest-wedding-track when you got pregnant. Put your Mom thinking cap on and get your ducks in a row and file with this person at the earliest available date. The ring and the parties are trappings and a really stupid reason to delay what actually matters, legal status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are within the realm of normal, especially if traditional and/or religious, so no need to get huffy about their reaction, but yes to having close family members that want to be there come to the courthouse and yes to setting a date ASAP and locking it in. Maybe even get a dress now so when he proposes you can go to the courthouse right then for the license and get married as soon as eveyone can convene...I think this could be romantic

My aunt got pregnant at 16, the other eloped. My uncle, who is a pastor by the way, has a son who had a baby out of wedlock when was 23? His other son is gay and solicits himself online, while his daughter although is married, her husband cheated on her and had a baby outside of the marriage but they think he walks on water. My dad wants to marry a woman half his age after knowing her for 3 months and only 1.5 after my mom’s passing but this is a “rushed job”. My other uncle went to jail but two adults sharing a bed is off limits (Thanksgiving), or having a baby out of wedlock at 35 & 36 is too much?

I think it’s the hypocrisy and the initializing that I’m having a hard time with.

So you also got together with this guy right when your mother died?

*

So when is the wedding?”. I was confused because I’m in no shape to plan a wedding for 100+ people right now.

And you’re talking about the custom diamond engagement ring you're waiting for right now?

OP sad to say I think your priorities are out of whack. You went off of Pinterest-wedding-track when you got pregnant. Put your Mom thinking cap on and get your ducks in a row and file with this person at the earliest available date. The ring and the parties are trappings and a really stupid reason to delay what actually matters, legal status.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

OP, you get married before this child is born. As others have pointed out you need to be thinking long term and I mean 20+ years down the line! Children are expensive.
Listen to your father and start acting like a 35 year old unmarried pregnant woman!

[Anonymous]

When you get pregnant at 17 to another with no job, it doesn't matter if you get married or not. Neither can support the other.

When you're 35 and get pregnant to an older guy with money... you get married unless you've already had a stellar career, millions in the bank, and it matters to you that no one else has parental rights over the child.

Do you see what we mean, OP?

[Anonymous]

OP, I'd respond to any comment about rushing things or worry that he's being forced into marriage by gushing with happiness: We're just so blessed as to not need fertility treatments at our ages. We'd already been talking marriage and both wanted kids, so life has a way of working out. We're just so happy and lucky how it's all turning out, and after being interested in each other for 17 years. By this time next year I'll be fully settled with a husband and baby, and (boyfriend) is going to be the best dad.

You *can* change the narrative by gushing and being happy. If you are hesitant and embarrassed everyone is going to worry and question. You both need to show confidence in your next steps for others to feel comfortable too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, get a marriage license next week, book an officiant (JP? Family lawyer?) and have a nice old fashioned (1950s, 60s, 70s, 80s) wedding ceremony in your dad’s living room with just the immediate family with cocktails and finger foods reception immediately thereafter. You can all wear Sunday best without going full wedding.

If you really want to do a big wedding a year later great - or maybe by then you’ll be happier going on a trip with husband and child.

If you and fiancé want to marry before baby comes, and want to do low key - just compromise and marry with your dad present. He wants to see you married, that’s sweet.

Omg hell no
OP this is 2025 no one needs to be married

Ignore them be happy and fir gods sake grow the hell up you are about to bring a child into this world

It’s none of their dam business if you are married

Right but OP is insisting that both she and her SO want to be married, but she’s hanging on to stupidity like “waiting for a surprise proposal because I still want some traditional things,” so she does not share your worldview. OP the real, proper, traditional thing to do in this scenario is to marry quietly and quickly. Stop being so undignified and shallow and just go to the courthouse over the holidays

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not comment about why they don't like him?

Or they think you're unstable and this is a bad idea.

When your family doesn't celebrate they are communicating something about the situation not being good. This isn't just your Dad. Your entire family had the same reaction. Why?

It's obvious OP is unstable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 35 years old and starting my second trimester. My SO and I have been happily together for 1.5 years. We met when I was 18, tried dating throughout the years but the timing was always off until recently. I lost my mother unexpectedly in August of 2024, so when I found out I was pregnant I was both elated and sad; very bittersweet. However, I knew the baby was a blessing and it was the most at peace I felt in years.

My SO is well off, a man of his word, reliable, works hard, and we get a long well, so although we’re not married I’m happy he’s the father. We had talked about marriage before the pregnancy, so we want to make sure we’re legally married. He asked for my father’s hand already. We told my dad about me pregnant and he was not happy. Neither was my older brother. My dad, who I guess up until this point absolutely adored my SO. He said he wished I was married beforehand, which I assured him we planned on being legally married before giving birth. That wasn’t good enough I guess because he said it would be a “rushed job” and that he’s worried that he just wants to marry me because of the baby. My brother said I’m rushing things. Great.

We announced my pregnancy to our families on Thanksgiving. His family was so excited, my on the other hand, not so much. My mom’s sisters were happy but everyone else, mainly my uncles didn’t say a word. In fact, one of them sat next to me after we announced and asked if I was okay. I told him I was and asked if he was. Then, he asked if I was happy and I told him yes. He slow nodded and said, “Okay. I’m happy if you’re happy”. The crazy thing is, this uncle grew up with my SO’s family and they’ve been close since he was a boy! Even my aunt said the family’s reaction was lukewarm. She chalked it up to the family not knowing my SO very well since he’s only been around the family a handful of times. That’s when I told her it would’ve been different if I was married first.

Today, my father wanted to chit chat. I figured it was about his will since he’s been working on it. Nope. It was to talk about us getting married. The first thing out of his mouth was, “So when is the wedding?”. I was confused because I’m in no shape to plan a wedding for 100+ people right now. I told him there’s no date for that. He said he was confused because he asked for his blessing and said again, that he wished that I was married beforehand. That he doesn’t want him marrying me just because I’m pregnant and to leave me high and dry as a single mother. I reminded him that we planned on being legally married before the baby gets here. Then he wanted to know the date for that. I told him we hadn’t picked a date and we just planned on a no muss, no fuss getting the license and before an officiant just the two of us then a year after the baby we’d having an actual wedding. He said that he and my brother need to be there because he wants to see his daughter get married. I was speaking with my aunt and she said it’s normal for someone to wonder if we’re getting married just because of the baby. Is it at my age?

This whole thing feels like a cluster-f. I’m sure a part of this is due to my hormones but it’s all making me sad and feeling lonely. Most of my family isn’t happy, and my mom not being here makes it feel even lonelier. I was happier before other people knew. None of this would be happening if I was married first…

You aren't married and pregnant. You don't need a wedding all dressed in virginal white with a modest veil to hide your virginal face. Get married so this child isn't thought of as illegitimate and have a party after child is born.

Illegitimate? What weird Victorian novel are you writing from. No one gives a shit about whether a kid's parents are married or not. I'd recommend getting married for the legal benefits and so your partner can make medical decisions but these comments are nuts.

[Anonymous]

Team family. They’ve seen the statistics, and know you’re being an idiot. Get married

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh gosh. "Unwed." That word belongs back in 1951.

OK, let's just say she got knocked up.
Whatever term is used to describe her situation, the facts remain the same. She and the child have no legal status in a union with a prescribed financial format. She is on her own but dreaming of some media influenced scenario. She is oblivious to the precarious situation she is in.
Get to the freaking courthouse already - do it for the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh gosh. "Unwed." That word belongs back in 1951.

OK, let's just say she got knocked up.
Whatever term is used to describe her situation, the facts remain the same. She and the child have no legal status in a union with a prescribed financial format. She is on her own but dreaming of some media influenced scenario. She is oblivious to the precarious situation she is in.
Get to the freaking courthouse already - do it for the kid.

THIS. Plus no one has said it but OP needs to be concerned about pre atal care and how she’s going to pay for delivery. Does she have healthcare? Does the boyfriend? Can he put her on his policy? If so, get married tomorrow- instead OP is fussing about a piece of metal. Babies are expensive!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh gosh. "Unwed." That word belongs back in 1951.

OK, let's just say she got knocked up.
Whatever term is used to describe her situation, the facts remain the same. She and the child have no legal status in a union with a prescribed financial format. She is on her own but dreaming of some media influenced scenario. She is oblivious to the precarious situation she is in.
Get to the freaking courthouse already - do it for the kid.

THIS. Plus no one has said it but OP needs to be concerned about pre atal care and how she’s going to pay for delivery. Does she have healthcare? Does the boyfriend? Can he put her on his policy? If so, get married tomorrow- instead OP is fussing about a piece of metal. Babies are expensive!

Huh what 35 yr old women doesn't have their own health care? And presumably by 14 weeks she's already gone to obgyn. I can think of 5 women I know who are single moms by choice... this isn't a teen pregnancy.