35, pregnant, and unwed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 35 years old and starting my second trimester. My SO and I have been happily together for 1.5 years. We met when I was 18, tried dating throughout the years but the timing was always off until recently. I lost my mother unexpectedly in August of 2024, so when I found out I was pregnant I was both elated and sad; very bittersweet. However, I knew the baby was a blessing and it was the most at peace I felt in years.

My SO is well off, a man of his word, reliable, works hard, and we get a long well, so although we’re not married I’m happy he’s the father. We had talked about marriage before the pregnancy, so we want to make sure we’re legally married. He asked for my father’s hand already. We told my dad about me pregnant and he was not happy. Neither was my older brother. My dad, who I guess up until this point absolutely adored my SO. He said he wished I was married beforehand, which I assured him we planned on being legally married before giving birth. That wasn’t good enough I guess because he said it would be a “rushed job” and that he’s worried that he just wants to marry me because of the baby. My brother said I’m rushing things. Great.

We announced my pregnancy to our families on Thanksgiving. His family was so excited, my on the other hand, not so much. My mom’s sisters were happy but everyone else, mainly my uncles didn’t say a word. In fact, one of them sat next to me after we announced and asked if I was okay. I told him I was and asked if he was. Then, he asked if I was happy and I told him yes. He slow nodded and said, “Okay. I’m happy if you’re happy”. The crazy thing is, this uncle grew up with my SO’s family and they’ve been close since he was a boy! Even my aunt said the family’s reaction was lukewarm. She chalked it up to the family not knowing my SO very well since he’s only been around the family a handful of times. That’s when I told her it would’ve been different if I was married first.

Today, my father wanted to chit chat. I figured it was about his will since he’s been working on it. Nope. It was to talk about us getting married. The first thing out of his mouth was, “So when is the wedding?”. I was confused because I’m in no shape to plan a wedding for 100+ people right now. I told him there’s no date for that. He said he was confused because he asked for his blessing and said again, that he wished that I was married beforehand. That he doesn’t want him marrying me just because I’m pregnant and to leave me high and dry as a single mother. I reminded him that we planned on being legally married before the baby gets here. Then he wanted to know the date for that. I told him we hadn’t picked a date and we just planned on a no muss, no fuss getting the license and before an officiant just the two of us then a year after the baby we’d having an actual wedding. He said that he and my brother need to be there because he wants to see his daughter get married. I was speaking with my aunt and she said it’s normal for someone to wonder if we’re getting married just because of the baby. Is it at my age?

This whole thing feels like a cluster-f. I’m sure a part of this is due to my hormones but it’s all making me sad and feeling lonely. Most of my family isn’t happy, and my mom not being here makes it feel even lonelier. I was happier before other people knew. None of this would be happening if I was married first…

Aww honey hugs and kisses. The hormones have you reeling. You are 35 not 15 or 25. This baby is a blessing and your plan to marry then have a wedding when you are back in shape is perfectly ok. [i]This isn’t some guy you just met, you’ve known him over a decade.[b] Even if he was you are old enough to take care of yourself and a child

And she’s been pregnant 14 weeks and he still hasn’t married her. And no ring. No wedding date. Can’t you read the tea leaves?

Either you’re a man, and or you’re not that bright. No where was there confirmation on how far along. Also, if someone is 14 weeks, most women don’t even find out until at least 6 weeks unless they’re actively trying to get pregnant.So, this is still new.

[Anonymous]

Idiots should not be allowed to contribute to the gene pool!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 35 years old and starting my second trimester. My SO and I have been happily together for 1.5 years. We met when I was 18, tried dating throughout the years but the timing was always off until recently. I lost my mother unexpectedly in August of 2024, so when I found out I was pregnant I was both elated and sad; very bittersweet. However, I knew the baby was a blessing and it was the most at peace I felt in years.

My SO is well off, a man of his word, reliable, works hard, and we get a long well, so although we’re not married I’m happy he’s the father. We had talked about marriage before the pregnancy, so we want to make sure we’re legally married. He asked for my father’s hand already. We told my dad about me pregnant and he was not happy. Neither was my older brother. My dad, who I guess up until this point absolutely adored my SO. He said he wished I was married beforehand, which I assured him we planned on being legally married before giving birth. That wasn’t good enough I guess because he said it would be a “rushed job” and that he’s worried that he just wants to marry me because of the baby. My brother said I’m rushing things. Great.

We announced my pregnancy to our families on Thanksgiving. His family was so excited, my on the other hand, not so much. My mom’s sisters were happy but everyone else, mainly my uncles didn’t say a word. In fact, one of them sat next to me after we announced and asked if I was okay. I told him I was and asked if he was. Then, he asked if I was happy and I told him yes. He slow nodded and said, “Okay. I’m happy if you’re happy”. The crazy thing is, this uncle grew up with my SO’s family and they’ve been close since he was a boy! Even my aunt said the family’s reaction was lukewarm. She chalked it up to the family not knowing my SO very well since he’s only been around the family a handful of times. That’s when I told her it would’ve been different if I was married first.

Today, my father wanted to chit chat. I figured it was about his will since he’s been working on it. Nope. It was to talk about us getting married. The first thing out of his mouth was, “So when is the wedding?”. I was confused because I’m in no shape to plan a wedding for 100+ people right now. I told him there’s no date for that. He said he was confused because he asked for his blessing and said again, that he wished that I was married beforehand. That he doesn’t want him marrying me just because I’m pregnant and to leave me high and dry as a single mother. I reminded him that we planned on being legally married before the baby gets here. Then he wanted to know the date for that. I told him we hadn’t picked a date and we just planned on a no muss, no fuss getting the license and before an officiant just the two of us then a year after the baby we’d having an actual wedding. He said that he and my brother need to be there because he wants to see his daughter get married. I was speaking with my aunt and she said it’s normal for someone to wonder if we’re getting married just because of the baby. Is it at my age?

This whole thing feels like a cluster-f. I’m sure a part of this is due to my hormones but it’s all making me sad and feeling lonely. Most of my family isn’t happy, and my mom not being here makes it feel even lonelier. I was happier before other people knew. None of this would be happening if I was married first…

Aww honey hugs and kisses. The hormones have you reeling. You are 35 not 15 or 25. This baby is a blessing and your plan to marry then have a wedding when you are back in shape is perfectly ok. [i]This isn’t some guy you just met, you’ve known him over a decade.[b] Even if he was you are old enough to take care of yourself and a child

And she’s been pregnant 14 weeks and he still hasn’t married her. And no ring. No wedding date. Can’t you read the tea leaves?

Either you’re a man, and or you’re not that bright. No where was there confirmation on how far along. Also, if someone is 14 weeks, most women don’t even find out until at least 6 weeks unless they’re actively trying to get pregnant.So, this is still new.

Wrong on all counters. Maybe you’re the one who’s not so bright. I’m a Harvard-trained divorce lawyer who has seen this before. oP says in the first line she’s starting her second trimester. One trimester = 12 weeks, so she’s on 13 or 14 week.

[Anonymous]

Im sorry OP, this sounds stressful. If I were you just try to focus on being happy about the baby and don’t worry about what your family thinks. If it makes you feel better to do a quick wedding then I’d do that too. Just try and get excited about the nursery, and the registry and like all the fun stuff and let this all fall to the back. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

I'd have to agree with the other posters. He should make you an honest woman even if it means going to the justice of the peace on Monday. I dated a guy like this. He wasted my time. I ended up pregnant by another person. But the procrastinating ex never married or had kids. He wasted every woman's time after dating, using similar excuses like jobs and timing. I suggest you set up the marriage and make it official by the end of the year. Have a big wedding after the kid gets here.

Anonymous wrote:sometimes men realize or know things about other men that men don't realize or know. it's kinda interesting that all the men in your family are unenthusiastic about all this. maybe they know something you don't. hopefully not.

if you guys want to get married, why aren't you married already? I mean if you are waiting until you are out of the miscarriage window, that kinda indicates that you WOULDNT be married without the pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 35 years old and starting my second trimester. My SO and I have been happily together for 1.5 years. We met when I was 18, tried dating throughout the years but the timing was always off until recently. I lost my mother unexpectedly in August of 2024, so when I found out I was pregnant I was both elated and sad; very bittersweet. However, I knew the baby was a blessing and it was the most at peace I felt in years.

My SO is well off, a man of his word, reliable, works hard, and we get a long well, so although we’re not married I’m happy he’s the father. We had talked about marriage before the pregnancy, so we want to make sure we’re legally married. He asked for my father’s hand already. We told my dad about me pregnant and he was not happy. Neither was my older brother. My dad, who I guess up until this point absolutely adored my SO. He said he wished I was married beforehand, which I assured him we planned on being legally married before giving birth. That wasn’t good enough I guess because he said it would be a “rushed job” and that he’s worried that he just wants to marry me because of the baby. My brother said I’m rushing things. Great.

We announced my pregnancy to our families on Thanksgiving. His family was so excited, my on the other hand, not so much. My mom’s sisters were happy but everyone else, mainly my uncles didn’t say a word. In fact, one of them sat next to me after we announced and asked if I was okay. I told him I was and asked if he was. Then, he asked if I was happy and I told him yes. He slow nodded and said, “Okay. I’m happy if you’re happy”. The crazy thing is, this uncle grew up with my SO’s family and they’ve been close since he was a boy! Even my aunt said the family’s reaction was lukewarm. She chalked it up to the family not knowing my SO very well since he’s only been around the family a handful of times. That’s when I told her it would’ve been different if I was married first.

Today, my father wanted to chit chat. I figured it was about his will since he’s been working on it. Nope. It was to talk about us getting married. The first thing out of his mouth was, “So when is the wedding?”. I was confused because I’m in no shape to plan a wedding for 100+ people right now. I told him there’s no date for that. He said he was confused because he asked for his blessing and said again, that he wished that I was married beforehand. That he doesn’t want him marrying me just because I’m pregnant and to leave me high and dry as a single mother. I reminded him that we planned on being legally married before the baby gets here. Then he wanted to know the date for that. I told him we hadn’t picked a date and we just planned on a no muss, no fuss getting the license and before an officiant just the two of us then a year after the baby we’d having an actual wedding. He said that he and my brother need to be there because he wants to see his daughter get married. I was speaking with my aunt and she said it’s normal for someone to wonder if we’re getting married just because of the baby. Is it at my age?

This whole thing feels like a cluster-f. I’m sure a part of this is due to my hormones but it’s all making me sad and feeling lonely. Most of my family isn’t happy, and my mom not being here makes it feel even lonelier. I was happier before other people knew. None of this would be happening if I was married first…

You aren't married and pregnant. You don't need a wedding all dressed in virginal white with a modest veil to hide your virginal face. Get married so this child isn't thought of as illegitimate and have a party after child is born.

Illegitimate? What weird Victorian novel are you writing from. No one gives a shit about whether a kid's parents are married or not. I'd recommend getting married for the legal benefits and so your partner can make medical decisions but these comments are nuts.

The partner just needs to sign the birth certificate acknwoledgement of paternity. You don't have to be married.

I meant for her, if something goes wrong during the birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd have to agree with the other posters. He should make you an honest woman even if it means going to the justice of the peace on Monday. I dated a guy like this. He wasted my time. I ended up pregnant by another person. But the procrastinating ex never married or had kids. He wasted every woman's time after dating, using similar excuses like jobs and timing. I suggest you set up the marriage and make it official by the end of the year. Have a big wedding after the kid gets here.

Anonymous wrote:sometimes men realize or know things about other men that men don't realize or know. it's kinda interesting that all the men in your family are unenthusiastic about all this. maybe they know something you don't. hopefully not.

if you guys want to get married, why aren't you married already? I mean if you are waiting until you are out of the miscarriage window, that kinda indicates that you WOULDNT be married without the pregnancy.

+1. Well said

[Anonymous]

A man who cannot make a commitment is not a good choice for a lifetime partner so OP, at the very least, get something legal and in concrete that he is the father and enumerate all of his financial responsibilities. Use your head and listen to your father who loves you.

[Anonymous]

FWIW my sis in law's family very much tried to sabotage her relationship with my brother, so I don't necessarily think the fact that a family objects is a red flag about the guy. Her mom tried to get her to drop out of grad school and move home when she was pregnant with my nephew. Said nephew is in high school now and they have another kid and have been married for 15 years, my brother acted as primary parent for my nephew so my sis in law could finish her degree and get her career going (he has his own career as well now).

So a family not liking the boyfriend doesn't mean he's bad.

[Anonymous]

You're an adult and you're allowed to do what's best for you - not what your family wants you to do. The fact that you are not married yet doesn't mean that you won't be in your own time. Rushing a marriage or wedding because of a baby doesn't guarantee the father's support or a lasting or harmonious relationship. Decide what matters most to you, and put your priorities first.
I'm sorry your family is being immature and not trusting you to make the best decisions for yourself as a responsible adult.

[Anonymous]

Your father sounds like a great guy.

Perhaps your mom would’ve reacted in a similar fashion.

He shouldn’t be putting this off at all. Get married right away

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A man who cannot make a commitment is not a good choice for a lifetime partner so OP, at the very least, get something legal and in concrete that he is the father and enumerate all of his financial responsibilities. Use your head and listen to your father who loves you.

Omg he’s financially responsible for the child no matter what!! It’s called paternity testing and laws that require parents to support children!!

Op I wouldn’t have this from my dad. I would stop asking for family advice or caring. I was married ahead of my big wedding at the circuit court house just DH and me and it was great. I loved it. So much more meaningful than the performance later in front of people which is dumb and pointless and I only did it bc my mother in law wanted it so badly.

Congrats on the baby whatever else happens!! A blessing!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh gosh. "Unwed." That word belongs back in 1951.

+ 1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team family. They’ve seen the statistics, and know you’re being an idiot. Get married

It’s so weird how “Team family” is so so obsessed with other people’s lives… religious psychos is what you are. There is a reason Jesus said Pharisees would walk half way around the world to convert a person and make them twice the child of hell.

https://www.biblegateway.com/verse/en/Matthew%2023%3A15