Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This all sounds pretty normal and healthy to me. They are learning social skills, and some of that these days is over chat. Heck, when I was in 6th grade, I was spending at least an hour a day on AOL instant messenger! I'd strongly prefer this to, say, social media or scrolling on tik tok, and it's great he doesn't have a phone.
I'd do a couple things:
1) I'd give up on trying to read every single message every day. That's a HUGE time suck. I'd go with more of a spot check vibe. Make sure he knows you're reading messages (that's always good for him to have in his mind! My mother will see this!) and then spend 10-20 mins a day going through a few of the chains. If you spot a problem, or suspect a problem, then you can always revisit.
2) If you are close with any of the other parents, you might give them a heads up that you're doing this, and if they are doing something similar and spot anything concerning involving your kid, to let you know, and you can do the same. This only works if you're friends though. But it doubles the eyes. There's often threads on here about "would you tell the other parents?" and letting close friends of yours know proactively that you'd like to be told sounds like a win.
3) Strictly limit the devices at night and before bed. They go in a charger in your room an hour before bed, or similar.
4) As far as total time, I'd actually initiate a conversation rather than setting a rule. "I thought that since you joined all these text chains, your screen time has gone up, so I took a look - want to guess how much higher it is this month than last month?" Talk to him about it - also mention any effects you're seeing. "You used to be able to focus on your new lego kits for hours and really get lost in them and make awesome things, and I think that was really fun for you, and relaxing, and now you're up every 20 minutes checking your messages." And be willing to cop to your own bad habits or struggles with this too, if applicable. See if he agrees, and if you can work together to find some limits you both agree to on this. If they apply to you, too, all the better (for him and you).
5) Continue conversations about what's okay in group chats (stupid conversations about bathroom words and jokes) and what's not (cruelty, sexual stuff, etc) and reinforce that everything you type is forever.
6) Make sure he's continuing and even increasing (as he gets into the teen years) in person socializing. Encourage him to invite friends over, provide pizza and good snacks, stay out of their hair. Whatever makes sense for keeping the 3 dimensional world his primary social world.
Pretty sure I don't want to know what a group of middle school boys talks about in online chats. I'm sure a lot of it would stand your hair on end.
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