How to regulate chat groups?
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Anonymous
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DS just was added to a bunch of chat groups this year and this is all new territory to me. The kids text each other constantly when not in school. This is problematic because 1. I can't possibly keep up and 2. I don't personally want to read all that silly brain rot drivel they send to each other. But I will if there is no other way.
What are you all doing? Are you really reading each and every text? Is there a good monitoring tech app you recommend that would work for an ipad? He only has an ipad and an apple watch - no phone yet. He also now checks his ipad constantly for new messages so his time on there has increased dramatically which I don't love either. Just looking for some good rules to institute as I feel a bit lost on all this. I am so glad he is socializing but want to keep him safe. I have no idea how much the other parents are monitoring on their ends. Some of these groups have as much as 40 kids in them. |
Anonymous
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I would remove him from most of the chat groups.
Talk to him about what friends he wants to keep in touch with via text. Make a list of friends you can both agree on (for me, for an elementary kid, I would want them to all be kids I know and whose parents I've at least talked to, because if issues come up, I want to be able to address it more easily). Allow him to do a chat with just those friends, or do 1:1 texts with those friends. I would also assign specific times when he has access to texting and also times when he has no access. Meaning watch is in a basket out of reach and iPad not available. It's clear his peer group already has unhealthy tech habits and you are going to have to be vigilant to combat that. The impulse to be checking texts all the time to see what people are saying is fundamentally unhealthy and you have to break it. If you can't, you need to stop all texting with friends, make the watch for family only, and start from scratch. He will complain that your approach is making it hard for him to make/maintain friendships. You have to hold strong. A real friendship will survive this, and I guarantee he has some real friends (also friends whose parents are fighting the same battles and will unite with you on this). You're the parent. Parent. |
Anonymous
| I don’t let my kids be in chat groups. They turn nasty very quickly. One on one texting is much better. And easier to review. |
Anonymous
| No chat groups. No texting. No phones. Everything is analog. Come back when you're in eighth grade and we'll reconsider. |
Anonymous
| OP here - thank for the advice. But to PP above - no texting at all sounds extreme. It's how kids communicate these days instead of calling each other on a landline. I want him to keep in touch with his friends. I am looking for a moderate approach. |
Anonymous
| If your overwhelmed, your child probably is, too. I agree with PP to limit. Your child will be better off for it, I promise. |
Anonymous
Funny how people assume that whatever they are doing is the norm. Phones and texting and chat groups are not a thing at all among my kids and their friends. A few have watches but that's it. I'm sure it won't last, but thankfully this has not been an issue so far. Allowing elementary school students to text sounds like a horrendous idea. Just think about how many adults get their feelings hurt because one of their adult friends didn't respond to a text or because they didn't respond the way they wanted them to respond. I can only imagine the feelings are a thousand times more intense with children. No thanks. |
Anonymous
| One of my kids gets added to a lot of them but she ignores them all. Doesn’t participate and barely reads them. I don’t think she’s ever participated in any of the large ones that she is added to. She does have much smaller group chats with good friends. I monitor all of them but the ones with her good friends are very benign and talk about soccer. |
Anonymous
They see each other every day at school. Get a landline (or a dumb phone). Text his friends’ moms if he wants to make plans. Find him a better peer group at a better school if this destroys his social life. |
Anonymous
My kids can text 1:1 on their watch but no groups. Agree they are more trouble than benefit. It forces them to make plans and hang out in person. You don't want their social life to exist on a device. We want kids back in the physical world. |
Anonymous
| Restrict when he can use the device. Once a day for 15 minutes is enough for a stupid elementary group chat. |
Anonymous
| Remove him from the dumbest groups. He won't even notice. |
Anonymous
| remove them before its too late, last year my daughter was in a 5th grade group chat, and the end of the year they all missed 30 minutes of field day for comments they said.. |
Anonymous
What I'm getting from this is that you know this probably isn't safe and you know you should set firm limits (this is the elementary school forum so how old is this kid?) but the thrill of having a child in the popular crowd is just too alluring to possibly give up. Many such cases! |
Anonymous
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OP here- I actually firmly believe that this is the age to help kids navigate social dynamics and I don't think pretending virtual interaction doesn't exist is the way to approach this. They need our guidance in all social situations including how to be safe online and how to behave appropriately in chats with friends. I am going to remove him from the large ones and just monitor closely the chat in smaller groups and keep his iPad time in general very low.
He is in sixth grade so this might not be the right forum, but I didn't see a middle school one. |