Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Coincidentally I am having this very conversation right now with my own sister about our own mother. She’s 90
and has always sucked. Just a nasty person. Our dad died years and years ago. My sister and one brother are the only ones who still live nearby. Our mother had a stroke a few years ago. My sister never liked my mother but since then has taken it upon herself to take care of her completely so she could remain in her own (very small) home. The brother living in the area literally has nothing to do with our mother by choice—his wife of 45 years helps out twice a week solely because of my sister, and not because of my mother. She doesn’t like my mother either.
My mother was irresponsible with money and doesn’t have anything besides Social Security.
I send $500 a month directly to my mother’s account. Believe it or not, it’s more than my three brothers send combined.
My mother fell the other day and is now in rehab in a long term facility. It has given my sister a bit of a break and the facility is growing on her. My sister now feels it might be time to put her in long term care there. But at the same time she wants to continue to have a hired hand who she has been having visit our mother in her home continue to come to the facility at least three days a week to have another “pair of eyes“ on her. It will cost a few hundred dollars more a month. I know my sister is hinting that I should pay it. I have no desire to even though I easily could.
For my mother to live in the long-term care place, she would have to go on Medicaid. My sister thinks we would need several hundred more dollars a month to make the whole thing happen even without the hired hand. I wish I could say I cared about my mother enough to want to contribute more. But I don’t. And I cannot understand why my sister, who is now in her 60s, cares so much. All she did was complain about the woman for literally decades and doesn’t even like her. For some reason, I find this all to be totally annoying.
So, rather than advise her or commit, I just respond to her texts with “OK“ or OK, sounds rough.“ Etc. But I’m not giving the old lady any more money. My sister may have made the decision to go above and beyond for her when she didn’t deserve it—but that isn’t what the rest of us think and it’s on her.
Maybe your brothers feel the same way? If so, it’s their right.
Why would you pay extra to have someone keep an eye on your mom? A) they will only see what they see during the limited shifts they have B) they wont actually be helping mom with care stuff, as she is already in the care center so you're just paying a glorified cribbage friend. I wouldn't keep paying for that either!
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