This is totally reasonable right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the teen resents having to depend on a stepparent that he dislikes. This happens in my family-- my mom will have her loser boyfriend make dinner or something when we visit, and then she'll be all "Isn't he SO NICE to you? Aren't you GRATEFUL?" But I'm not grateful, because I never asked for it and I would be happier not having it and not having the pressure to perform gratitude. It's sort of a coerced transaction.

I think OP should ask her stepson very seriously if he prefers not to do one or both of these activities, and be at peace with any answer. If he would Uber without you, why can't he Uber now? Seems like a good way to avoid this issue. With teens you have to pick your battles and it sounds like OP is focused on this minor issue because she doesn't want to acknowledge the big picture problem.

He asked that morning if he could do this activity, and I offered to take him, but said I needed to coordinate the pick up. I have to assume from him asking that he wanted to go. I didn’t suggest the activity. I think it’s a good thing, I am glad he had friends to do a fun activity, but I would be 100% at peace with him not doing it. If they have it next week, he can go or not go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How far away is the kid being asked to wait from your location?

From our home? About 25 minutes by car, 50 by bike, and 70 by metro. The other activity was about 20 minutes further in the opposite
direction from home, and not metro or bike accessible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the teen resents having to depend on a stepparent that he dislikes. This happens in my family-- my mom will have her loser boyfriend make dinner or something when we visit, and then she'll be all "Isn't he SO NICE to you? Aren't you GRATEFUL?" But I'm not grateful, because I never asked for it and I would be happier not having it and not having the pressure to perform gratitude. It's sort of a coerced transaction.

I think OP should ask her stepson very seriously if he prefers not to do one or both of these activities, and be at peace with any answer. If he would Uber without you, why can't he Uber now? Seems like a good way to avoid this issue. With teens you have to pick your battles and it sounds like OP is focused on this minor issue because she doesn't want to acknowledge the big picture problem.

Him ubering wouldn’t have solved the problem of waiting. If he had left the library at 3:00 in an uber he would have been way too early. So he still would have needed to wait.

[Anonymous]

No, go get them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it your responsibility to be these teens' chauffeurs to the extent that they think they can't spend an hour in the library studying?

How easy is their school that they don't have at least an hour of homework to do??

Tell them to do their homework for an hour.

No one forced the OP to have kids. Or to remarry and add kids.

that does not mean it is HER job to drive around her step kids. they still have bio parents. and she IS driving the stepkid around. There is NOTHING wrong with telling the kid to study for an hour at the library. the kid is a brat. OP is not her chauffeur.

Yes, by remarrying (or at least cohabiting) it did become her job.

And if she doesn't see that, no wonder everyone hates her.

Oh HELL no.

It is NOT the STEPMOM'S job to do MORE parenting than the bio parents.

OP, it is TOTALLY reasonable to have a teen wait at a library for an hour, bio or step.

If the kids are living with you, then you better be prepared to parent. If you don't like that, don't remarry!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it your responsibility to be these teens' chauffeurs to the extent that they think they can't spend an hour in the library studying?

How easy is their school that they don't have at least an hour of homework to do??

Tell them to do their homework for an hour.

No one forced the OP to have kids. Or to remarry and add kids.

that does not mean it is HER job to drive around her step kids. they still have bio parents. and she IS driving the stepkid around. There is NOTHING wrong with telling the kid to study for an hour at the library. the kid is a brat. OP is not her chauffeur.

Yes, by remarrying (or at least cohabiting) it did become her job.

And if she doesn't see that, no wonder everyone hates her.

Oh HELL no.

It is NOT the STEPMOM'S job to do MORE parenting than the bio parents.

OP, it is TOTALLY reasonable to have a teen wait at a library for an hour, bio or step.

If the kids are living with you, then you better be prepared to parent. If you don't like that, don't remarry!

This.

[Anonymous]

I could see my two bio kids bickering about this. I would calmly say, "I hear ya. What would you propose as an alternative?" Hear them out. If they ask you to drive back and forth, say no and explain why. Let them lead the brainstorming for a solution. Or maybe they'll want to skip all together.

[Anonymous]

You sound mean to the kid. "The kid that is not mine..." who talks about stepkids like that? You tone in talking about them drips with contempt. They're a kid, for goodness sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the teen resents having to depend on a stepparent that he dislikes. This happens in my family-- my mom will have her loser boyfriend make dinner or something when we visit, and then she'll be all "Isn't he SO NICE to you? Aren't you GRATEFUL?" But I'm not grateful, because I never asked for it and I would be happier not having it and not having the pressure to perform gratitude. It's sort of a coerced transaction.

I think OP should ask her stepson very seriously if he prefers not to do one or both of these activities, and be at peace with any answer. If he would Uber without you, why can't he Uber now? Seems like a good way to avoid this issue. With teens you have to pick your battles and it sounds like OP is focused on this minor issue because she doesn't want to acknowledge the big picture problem.

He asked that morning if he could do this activity, and I offered to take him, but said I needed to coordinate the pick up. I have to assume from him asking that he wanted to go. I didn’t suggest the activity. I think it’s a good thing, I am glad he had friends to do a fun activity, but I would be 100% at peace with him not doing it. If they have it next week, he can go or not go.

You keep adding more details and changing the situation. This is fun with friends? I really thought it was tutoring. How hard is it for the friends to stay an extra hour to hang out? I don’t understand this dilemma at all now.

How old are these kids? They must be on the young side since he can’t leave the library and walk around or it’s in an isolated area and he’s too young l to take an Uber.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound mean to the kid. "The kid that is not mine..." who talks about stepkids like that? You tone in talking about them drips with contempt. They're a kid, for goodness sake.

He’s not my stepchild, so referring him to him on that way wouldn’t make sense. I was struggling to figure out a way to refer to him, and someone else used that phrasing.

I wish I had given both kids fake names in the OP, but given that so many people don’t read every post, I feel like doing that later doesn’t work.

I don’t feel contempt for him. I love him, but I acknowledge that I love the kid I raised from birth more, and that makes it challenging because I try to be really careful to be fair.

This is something I don’t think I would hesitate to do if it was my two bio kids. But I hear people saying it’s different.

[Anonymous]

This one instance is not a big deal. But the scorecard adds up, and people don’t addd accurately.

But you should make an effort to make extra small helps for your stepchildren. Do extra things for them that they will appreciate. Not things that are (only) invisible sacrifices for you, because kids won’t notice that, but you will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound mean to the kid. "The kid that is not mine..." who talks about stepkids like that? You tone in talking about them drips with contempt. They're a kid, for goodness sake.

He’s not my stepchild, so referring him to him on that way wouldn’t make sense. I was struggling to figure out a way to refer to him, and someone else used that phrasing.

I wish I had given both kids fake names in the OP, but given that so many people don’t read every post, I feel like doing that later doesn’t work.

I don’t feel contempt for him. I love him, but I acknowledge that I love the kid I raised from birth more, and that makes it challenging because I try to be really careful to be fair.

This is something I don’t think I would hesitate to do if it was my two bio kids. But I hear people saying it’s different.

You need to be careful to be unfair and bias toward your (“not”, what the heck?!) stepchild, because your love your birth child more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are a blended family with 2 teens who are close in age.

The teen that is not mine often alleges that I favor the one I gave birth to. I try hard not to, but sometimes I want reality checks.

If one kid has an activity at the library that ends at 3:00, and the other kid has an activity 5 minutes away from him that ends at 4:00, it is reasonable for me to ask library kid to chill at the library for 55 minutes, doing homework or whatever.

We all, including both kids, have somewhere to be at 4:30 so metro isn’t an option. Other parent is taking another kid somewhere, so isn’t available for pick up.

Are they same or different genders?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound mean to the kid. "The kid that is not mine..." who talks about stepkids like that? You tone in talking about them drips with contempt. They're a kid, for goodness sake.

He’s not my stepchild, so referring him to him on that way wouldn’t make sense. I was struggling to figure out a way to refer to him, and someone else used that phrasing.

I wish I had given both kids fake names in the OP, but given that so many people don’t read every post, I feel like doing that later doesn’t work.

I don’t feel contempt for him. I love him, but I acknowledge that I love the kid I raised from birth more, and that makes it challenging because I try to be really careful to be fair.

This is something I don’t think I would hesitate to do if it was my two bio kids. But I hear people saying it’s different.

How is he not your stepchild?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are a blended family with 2 teens who are close in age.

The teen that is not mine often alleges that I favor the one I gave birth to. I try hard not to, but sometimes I want reality checks.

If one kid has an activity at the library that ends at 3:00, and the other kid has an activity 5 minutes away from him that ends at 4:00, it is reasonable for me to ask library kid to chill at the library for 55 minutes, doing homework or whatever.

We all, including both kids, have somewhere to be at 4:30 so metro isn’t an option. Other parent is taking another kid somewhere, so isn’t available for pick up.

Wait. You said you have 2 teens. You're picking up one at 3:55 and one at 4. Other parent is taking another kid somewhere? What kid is that? And why do you have to be somewhere at 4:30? It sounds like you are overscheduling your family. If that 55 minutes were the kid's only down time at home, or if not coming home means the day is harder or more complicated, then yes I can see why they would be unhappy with it.

It's unrealistic to expect a teen to make sacrifices for stepsiblings. Sorry, you can try to coerce them, but the bottom line is their "sibling" relationship ends when your marriage does, and they know it. It just isn't the same no matter how hard you insist it is.

They aren’t step siblings, but he’s not sacrificing for my kid. If we weren’t in the picture he wouldn’t be able to do both activities (which are both things he wants to do) because he wouldn’t have transportation.

We live far enough from the library that if he came home it would be 10 minutes max at home.

Maybe he doesn't like you because your writing style is unclear. What are they, half siblings?.Some sort of cutesy euphemism because you aren't married? Who is the third kid?

Again, it sounds like your family is overscheduled and I do not actually believe this child wants both of these activities.

OPs native fluent dishonesty is certainly affecting her relationship with the kid.

Either they are half siblings and OP raised her stepson since he was a toddler, but she doesn’t love him like her own child, or they are step siblings. Either way, OP is being obnoxious, and not for the library wait. I hope the nagging guilt eventually fixes her conscience.