Moms with husbands who travel for work- what age are two kids manageable by yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Things were easier when DH was not home on a weekday. He needed time to relax in the evening, a full homemade dinner and he did not cook or clean. He would not watch the kids while I cooked. Evening routine is much easier without the husband home.

Single mom of a donor conceived 2.5 year old.

I agree- compared to married friends my evenings are much simpler. Want to have a salad while my kid eats oatmeal- no problem, want to stop at the park for a PB sandwich and cucumber picnic on the way home from work- fine. Leftovers for the third night in a row- no one is complaining.

Not really sure why everything has to be so comparative. I have a DH and if I want to feed my kid oatmeal while I eat a salad that is fine. Isn't life hard enough without perpetuating the "dumb/ inefficient dad who expects his wife to cook him a new meal every night" stereotype?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi DCurbanmoms! My husband is considering a job in another city which would have him away for approx 3/4 nights every fortnight (like Mon-Thursday or Friday every second week).
I currently have two kids aged 3 months and 2.9 years. I'm wondering at what ages these two kids would be manageable on my own with that type of travel schedule for my husband? not now but sometime in the future.
The older one would be in daycare/kindy/school 4 or 5 days a week. The younger one would be in daycare/kindy 2/3 days a week while I was working 2 days a week. There would be no family help but I could probably afford a babysitter sometimes.
Thanks for your thoughts

If you can't take care of two children by yourself the three days what would you do if your husband was in the military and deployed for a year? Everyone has common sense, use yours.

[Anonymous]

At that age I had to leave for a week and my husband somehow survived. Left a bunch of pumped milk. It was awful and depressing for me but he did fine.

[Anonymous]

My wife went away for a week last year for a business trip and it was honestly not hard at all. I already do wake-up, breakfast, daycare drop off, daycare pickup, dishes, bath, and bedtime, so it was just a matter of adding in dinner—pretty easy with some advance planning (though we did have pasta and salad a couple times). I’m looking forward to Father’s Day, since I’ll get a couple hours of free time on the weekend (I’m otherwise expected to watch the kids 100% of the time they’re awake, and only get time to myself on the weekend 2-3 days a year). So if I can do it, and if single parents can do it, and if military spouses can do it, you can definitely do it. I’d happily trade my situation for yours if it meant I’d get two hours of time to myself nearly every weekend.

[Anonymous]

DH started traveling again when the kids were roughly the same age as yours. Older DC was in half-day pre-school and we had a daytime nanny, so that helped...but I did work FT.

It really depends on your comfort and your kids. But lots of parents (usually moms) do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi DCurbanmoms! My husband is considering a job in another city which would have him away for approx 3/4 nights every fortnight (like Mon-Thursday or Friday every second week).
I currently have two kids aged 3 months and 2.9 years. I'm wondering at what ages these two kids would be manageable on my own with that type of travel schedule for my husband? not now but sometime in the future.
The older one would be in daycare/kindy/school 4 or 5 days a week. The younger one would be in daycare/kindy 2/3 days a week while I was working 2 days a week. There would be no family help but I could probably afford a babysitter sometimes.
Thanks for your thoughts

If you can't take care of two children by yourself the three days what would you do if your husband was in the military and deployed for a year? Everyone has common sense, use yours.

??

Obviously yes this is doable when it comes to it but it’s also a choice. It’s okay to decide as a family that having a traveling spouse won’t work for you. OP sounds open to it but there’s no need to attack her for wondering when she’ll feel ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi DCurbanmoms! My husband is considering a job in another city which would have him away for approx 3/4 nights every fortnight (like Mon-Thursday or Friday every second week).
I currently have two kids aged 3 months and 2.9 years. I'm wondering at what ages these two kids would be manageable on my own with that type of travel schedule for my husband? not now but sometime in the future.
The older one would be in daycare/kindy/school 4 or 5 days a week. The younger one would be in daycare/kindy 2/3 days a week while I was working 2 days a week. There would be no family help but I could probably afford a babysitter sometimes.
Thanks for your thoughts

If you can't take care of two children by yourself the three days what would you do if your husband was in the military and deployed for a year? Everyone has common sense, use yours.

OP here- we will never be in this situation because my husband works as a lawyer and will not be joining the military. Maybe use your common sense? Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi DCurbanmoms! My husband is considering a job in another city which would have him away for approx 3/4 nights every fortnight (like Mon-Thursday or Friday every second week).
I currently have two kids aged 3 months and 2.9 years. I'm wondering at what ages these two kids would be manageable on my own with that type of travel schedule for my husband? not now but sometime in the future.
The older one would be in daycare/kindy/school 4 or 5 days a week. The younger one would be in daycare/kindy 2/3 days a week while I was working 2 days a week. There would be no family help but I could probably afford a babysitter sometimes.
Thanks for your thoughts

If you can't take care of two children by yourself the three days what would you do if your husband was in the military and deployed for a year? Everyone has common sense, use yours.

OP here- we will never be in this situation because my husband works as a lawyer and will not be joining the military. Maybe use your common sense? Lol

Literally thousands of families ARE military and cope starting with children at ages less than 1yr. It is not easy. Yet thousands of families cope with this.

Why are you so helpless? Perhaps it is your lack of common sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Things were easier when DH was not home on a weekday. He needed time to relax in the evening, a full homemade dinner and he did not cook or clean. He would not watch the kids while I cooked. Evening routine is much easier without the husband home.

Yikes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi DCurbanmoms! My husband is considering a job in another city which would have him away for approx 3/4 nights every fortnight (like Mon-Thursday or Friday every second week).
I currently have two kids aged 3 months and 2.9 years. I'm wondering at what ages these two kids would be manageable on my own with that type of travel schedule for my husband? not now but sometime in the future.
The older one would be in daycare/kindy/school 4 or 5 days a week. The younger one would be in daycare/kindy 2/3 days a week while I was working 2 days a week. There would be no family help but I could probably afford a babysitter sometimes.
Thanks for your thoughts

If you can't take care of two children by yourself the three days what would you do if your husband was in the military and deployed for a year? Everyone has common sense, use yours.

OP here- we will never be in this situation because my husband works as a lawyer and will not be joining the military. Maybe use your common sense? Lol

Literally thousands of families ARE military and cope starting with children at ages less than 1yr. It is not easy. Yet thousands of families cope with this.

Why are you so helpless? Perhaps it is your lack of common sense.

This perspective is absurd. It is horrible advice to tell someone that the situation they are contemplating is nbd because people do it. I have 3 kids but I wouldn’t tell someone that obviously 3 kids are doable because I do it. For a lot of people, 1 or 2 kids are the best number for them, for all sorts of reasons. Yes people do the military, people have traveling spouses, and lots of times it works out great. Other times it isn’t great and people sometimes….. divorce. Or do their children a disservice and end up raising kids who resent them for not being there. I’m not trying to be doom and gloom or act like any of these hypotheticals are not okay. But people are different, their kids are different, their lives are different. When we’re fortunate enough to have choices, being introspective about what we want our lives to look like is a form of self-care that benefits ourselves, our partners, our kids. Life happens and some things are out of our control, but that doesn’t mean we should throw up our hands and stop trying to be thoughtful about the things we can control.

[Anonymous]

It is technically “manageable” at any age but I would personally not want to take on that arrangement til the youngest is 4 or 5. For me it would be too draining.

[Anonymous]

OP here- thank you so much to everyone for their perspective. (Except for the poster who kept tapping on about common sense)
it has confirmed what I have been thinking- that such an arrangement would be too difficult until the youngest child is at least 2, preferably 3 or 4.

[Anonymous]

My husband was so difficult that it was easier when he was out of town. At all ages.

Breakfast for dinner and going to bed/waking up early made it feel very doable and calm.

Pro tip: preset the coffee pot the night before. If you can start the day right, you’ll get through it.

[Anonymous]

OP: My husband was gone Monday am through Friday every week for two years while my kids ranged in ages 18 months to 3.5. There is nothing unmanageable about it, honestly. Especially if you have daycare and can hire babysitters. I did not have either. Looking back, I think that time was a little hard, but it was such a blip. And like the previous poster said, when he was home, it really only added extra work for me. If this is a good opportunity for him, you'd be making a mistake to say you couldn't handle three days a week every other month on your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: My husband was gone Monday am through Friday every week for two years while my kids ranged in ages 18 months to 3.5. There is nothing unmanageable about it, honestly. Especially if you have daycare and can hire babysitters. I did not have either. Looking back, I think that time was a little hard, but it was such a blip. And like the previous poster said, when he was home, it really only added extra work for me. If this is a good opportunity for him, you'd be making a mistake to say you couldn't handle three days a week every other month on your own.

THIS. My husband traveled all the time and my boys are now 8 and 9. We had NO family help or day care or babysitters.
Looking back, it was the sweetest time. I figured it out, and am proud of myself and the boys. We had a good routine…the hard part was when my husband WAS home and messed it up, haha!