Moms with husbands who travel for work- what age are two kids manageable by yourself?

[Anonymous]

Hi DCurbanmoms! My husband is considering a job in another city which would have him away for approx 3/4 nights every fortnight (like Mon-Thursday or Friday every second week).
I currently have two kids aged 3 months and 2.9 years. I'm wondering at what ages these two kids would be manageable on my own with that type of travel schedule for my husband? not now but sometime in the future.
The older one would be in daycare/kindy/school 4 or 5 days a week. The younger one would be in daycare/kindy 2/3 days a week while I was working 2 days a week. There would be no family help but I could probably afford a babysitter sometimes.
Thanks for your thoughts

[Anonymous]

Any age as long as you're able-bodied enough to pick up the baby.

[Anonymous]

Kids about the age of yours.

[Anonymous]

Try to find someone who can help if either you are sick or the kids are sick. Or both. Like a friend, babysitter, mothers helper, etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids about the age of yours.

+1 At around this age, my husband was posted overseas and I had the kids alone for the bulk of 4 years.

[Anonymous]

What is making it feel unmanageable now?

Maybe we can help you think of solutions?

[Anonymous]

I have two kids around the same ages (6 months old and 3 yrs). I’m a single mom (my ex left before baby #2 was born). You will find what works for you and if it isn’t working, try something else. It’s tiring but going to bed early helps. GL!

[Anonymous]

No one can answer this for you op because it’s very individual to you, your kids, family dynamic, and how postpartum is for you/how your baby is doing. I have a friend that does this 3/4 days a week and has since this age. She’s amazing and I couldn’t do it myself without a lot of stress probably but she handles it really well. For a few nights a month I think you can do it now - if you need to those are special nights where older child gets to watch a show while you put baby to bed. They’ll look forward to it and it’s only a few nights a week.

[Anonymous]

Lots of folks are going to reply that they are single parents or have spouses deployed, etc. If you are asking, the arrangement may not be for you. The benefit is that you are in charge and don't have to work around someone else. If this doesn't seem like a plus, then don't do it.

[Anonymous]

I think if you have to make it work you will.
If there is some element of choice though as in your situation I would be ok with it when both kids are sleeping through the night. So for me, when youngest is 6 months and I’m not constantly exhausted I’d be ok.

[Anonymous]

Things were easier when DH was not home on a weekday. He needed time to relax in the evening, a full homemade dinner and he did not cook or clean. He would not watch the kids while I cooked. Evening routine is much easier without the husband home.

[Anonymous]

I had two under two, and the big leap in being able to manage them both on my own was when we sleep trained the youngest at 4 months. It’s nearly impossible, IMHO, to care for a toddler when you have to rock a baby to sleep. Once you’ve sleep trained and have the baby on a solid nap routine and schedule, then it becomes doable, because the toddler can play quietly with toys in the nursery for 10-15 mins while you do the baby’s nap/bedtime routine. Plus you’re not getting up in the night anymore. So crazy days are more tolerable.

But honestly, I would never agree to the arrangement you’re discussing. That’s too much time away for the parent of young children, in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

When everyone is sleeping reliably through the night! Mine were 21 months apart and my husband traveled one week every month; I worked a pretty intense job full time. I remember bouncing from room to room when the 4 month (and 2 year!) sleep regressions hit, so that was pretty miserable.

[Anonymous]

I think this is about a lot more than just “handling” two kids. It is also about the sustainability of a family and marriage. Some people can really do this. And some cannot.

My husband and I would not be able to sustain this. We are quality time people. I’m also not willing to fall into the homemaker role. I expect a lot of equality in task division. I’m now the primary earner and I travel 12-16 times a year. It is too much. I miss my family and they miss me.

But there are millions of people who do this and have happy marriages and family lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any age as long as you're able-bodied enough to pick up the baby.

This. My husband has always traveled. Once you get into the mindset that you can do (and you can!), it will be fine. Now that they are teens and an elementary aged child, I actually look forward to when he travels. Don’t get me wrong, I love him, but we do things differently when he is out of town and it’s a nice change up.